tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3697041069822813301.post1122761120309467779..comments2023-04-07T04:36:21.582-05:00Comments on Musing Aloud: Loneliness and the Necessity of FriendshipAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02343632915029739024noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3697041069822813301.post-43868406846438307812011-05-09T18:30:59.511-05:002011-05-09T18:30:59.511-05:00I am probably a misanthrope at heart, but I found ...I am probably a misanthrope at heart, but I found over the years that almost everybody is capable of being a good friend on some level and has something to offer. I get along with people ranging from truck drivers to millionaires. As long as I can take them individually. I hate people in groups.Todhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04343164398928567237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3697041069822813301.post-86303460468087544952011-04-28T18:24:20.267-05:002011-04-28T18:24:20.267-05:00I tried to write a comment a few days ago and blog...I tried to write a comment a few days ago and blogger killed it. Didn't have time to re-write at the time, but in short what I wanted to say what that socializing is pretty darn close to a non-optional value. I have 3 bits of advice. 1, definitely check out the O'ist group. It's nice to have people who are coming from the same (unusual) place you are. 2, check out some clubs at a local university. Usually there are philosophy clubs and other groups organized around a serious discussion of ideas and they are typically open to the public unofficially. 3, give people like coworkers a try. When I first started working, I thought I'd rather watch paint dry than listen to my coworkers talk about what they had for lunch, but after a few months of pushing our conversations into more intellectual, challenging territory, a number of them turned out to be quite capable of carrying such conversations and became more and more interested in them over time.<br /><br />Good luck!Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10378628756310960254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3697041069822813301.post-11621207660634728362011-04-25T14:43:27.853-05:002011-04-25T14:43:27.853-05:00In my experience, being around people, as such, if...In my experience, being around people, as such, if approached properly, is a small, but necessary step in curtailing loneliness. Going for walks, especially in parks and busy streets, going to Starbucks on my own, browsing the library or a bookstore, was and is a value for me, for other reasons but also to be around other people, even as I struggle to meet and cultivate good people. <br /><br />I like seeing certain small aspects of peoples' facial expressions, mannerisms, tone of voice, etc. Even things like a reaction of a cashier or customer service clerk can be of small, but real social value to me.<br /><br />And I think there are two basic types of friends, at least in such a culture as today's. One is a deeply intellectual type, someone whose mind functions at least at the same high level one's one mind does, or higher. It's very rare to find that similar sense of life and intellectualism, and most of the time, you have to help develop it in other people if you expect to find something so personal and exact. I have had only one such friend in my own whole life so far, and only in the last few years, who I can discuss very intimate ideas with in a serious, intellectual way.<br /><br />The other is also important and not appreciated. It's a lighter type of socializing, a lower level of friendship that is still necessary. Someone who you can joke with, who you can be sarcastic and extemporaneously silly, benevolent, and clever with without getting into very serious intellectual discussions with. It took me maybe a year or two to learn to enjoy such company but I have come to value it as a somewhat regular thing. For me, it involves sharing an enjoyment of things like sitcoms, like Seinfeld, The League, and Parks and Recreation. Music like Red Hot Chili Peppers, Coldplay, Guster, Radiohead, The Beatles, Dispatch.<br /><br />And constantly seeking out and being willing to experiment with romantic relationships, even informal, temporary ones, (most romantic relationships, especially when younger, will probably not be forever, and that shouldn't be a stigma; there are major values to be gained from relatively shorter, informal, mature romantic relationships) is real important too in maintaining a good sense of life and optimism. All the friendship in the world will not fill in for lack of romantic desires, at least seriously pursuing those desires and working to make oneself a better suitor.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com