Weekly Summary 12/31/10 - 1/6/11

I was slightly off track this week due to a weakened concentration, but I still got all my goals accomplished. I ordered (and received) a printer, which now allows me to edit my writing more easily; sold all my video games, which leaves me with only my unsellable Nintendo DS and gaming magazines to deal with; read Cyrano De Bergerac in its entirety, completed chapter 17 of Good Calories, Bad Calories (completing six conceptual exercises), established a way to track my achievements weekly and yearly, figured out how to work on a memory difficulty, and did some things of the sorts of a kind for my Project. I admit I don't feel proud since there is certainly much more I'm capable of doing, but I'm hesitant on creating any new self-obligations while there are still some uncertainties in my Project. Additionally, I am frightfully sorry about the amount of things I promise to write about later on but never seem to, for I'm still plagued by the "problem" of having my writing ideas exceed my level of actual writing. Rest assured, I am aware of what subjects I have been neglecting, even for months, and do intend to write on them when the context is right.

Last week I obligated myself to read only four scenes of Cyrano, but after I consulted my reading guide I realized I made a mistake: What I had obligated myself to was four scenes *a day*; four scenes a week would definitely not get it finished in time for its return. I upped my effort in reading it then, and given its more fluid nature as a work of fiction I blew through it way faster than I thought I would and ended up accidentally finishing the whole book way ahead of schedule. I liked it, but didn't love it. The love poetry was amorous and Cyrano's feats of wit and heroism were astounding, but the rest of the book sat a little flat with me. I think this is more a problem of my taste rather than with the book itself. Given further development in character and intellect, I definitely think I could increase my enjoyment of any rereadings of it, as I do think it's worthwhile to reread. The ending nearly got me to shed a tear, but just not quite. Ultimately, I recommend this book on the basis that Cyrano is a very admirable character that would be much desirable to meet in real life, if only he were to exist. It's tragic how his insecurity about his nose led to life-long unhappiness in his love life.

For the Project, my plans were for heavy research, but I find that I grow tired of that stage and sense that I have plenty of knowledge by now to begin implementing things in practice. Certainly I clocked in a few hours at the computer, but it was thinking that I so much wanted to engage in. I'm ready for the next phase. It's possible that I could have a lead that may possibly soon guide me to the Project's finish, but there are still people to talk to and other things to consider. Right now I'm waiting for a contact to get back to me regarding a certain proposal, so all I can do right now is wait with the utmost patience. If the means is infeasible, then I shall persevere and continue on. It's wrong to think this way, but I've come to expect continual obstacles in my Project by now, since it's happened to me several times that I'll find myself delayed in some form just when I think I'm absolutely finished. Once I got my source of monetary funding I thought the Project was cinched right there, but it turned out to be insufficient and led to me waiting idly for several months. Then I decided to try and initiate my Project early despite the risks I would be undertaking, but it turned out that wasn't workable either. Shortly afterwards I decided to compromise in my ultimate aim -- and was again met with another conflict. It's no longer disappointing, and I've come to expect it by now. The alternative means in consideration right now will take an unknown amount of time to be effectual, but it doesn't have any hangups like the other means and is guaranteed to finish the Project once it's successfully employed.

The most significant reason why such pessimistic expectations doesn't upset me is because I've been doing utterly fantastic in managing my stress lately, and seem to have even developed a near-total immunity to the Circumstance. Not only do I rubberduck on my way to and from work, but I also write in an introspection journal and regularly maintain a list of good things that have happened to me recently. I think these last two items have been having the strongest therapeutic effect on me, especially that last one. The introspection journal has done well to make me think and express myself in ways that's different to what I can do with my Bowser figure, and the list of good things has been doing extremely well to make me take into account all the values in my life. Whatever the anti-values in my life, I feel much more fortunate than I have in several months, even though my situation is virtually the same. I plan on writing about my introspection journal practices, as I used it in the past to cure my nearly life-long depression, meaning this is a practice of immense value not to be taken lightly.

For this upcoming week I don't have much planned given the loose ends on my Project right now, meaning I'd like to leave myself flexible to respond to any developments, but I'll also have backup measures to fill up any idle free time. Namely, what I forgo in my studies I'll make up for in writing. Also, I'd like to work to reestablish the amazing work pace I had sustained last week, as that was absolutely my ideal state of functioning. Concretely, I'd like to get two chapters of GCBC done, complete a rough draft (and maybe publish) a significant essay, read two sections of any library book that comes in, if it comes in; decide upon a venture to improve my short-term memory, come up with and start practicing new goals for writing on food, and thoroughly clean my living area (such a rarity!). If things go well, then major developments just maybe happening with my Project and might take up my time; if otherwise, then I might be doing a whole lot of writing. Either way, things must be kept moving forward, lest life pass me by.