Continued Thinking on my Purpose in Life

Just about as always, I've been doing some thinking as to where I want to go in the culinary field as per my purpose in life, and more and more I've been realizing lately just how much I love an intellectual direction. At first I thought I'd might like to own my own restaurant or restaurants, but I'm confused on that matter for the moment.

After observing myself these past weeks after someone made a significant comment about my character, I've learned that I do my best and am my happiest when I'm feeding my mind and putting it to work. Pure muscle-type labor is out, as not only would I be discontent, but I'd also perform poorly since my mind would be severely dulled and undermine my efforts by wandering to other thinking to gain stimulation. On the other extreme, it doesn't seem I'd enjoy too much the pure intellectual realm either, just writing articles and stuff.

I noticed how important my mind is to my work through working a very looong shift of dish washing at my current job. I came in fine, but several hours in I started losing control of my pacing and felt empty-headed. My brain simply felt deprived. However, to gain temporary relief from his duties a coworker offered to trade places with me, so he could wash dishes to restore himself while I chopped lettuce for salad. Instantaneously I felt recharged at the prospect of learning and developing a new skill, and during the task I got so excited that I literally got an adrenaline rush and could hardly refrain from blasting with energy. Afterwards I took to washing dishes with renewed vigor. Learning is a must in my career.

At the same time, I've been wondering about my capacity for culinary creativeness. Truth be told I don't seem to be very active in the realm of thinking up new dishes and combinations, but still I do think about food a lot, distinct from hunger. At this point I'm considering chefdom a point in my career, not an end-point, I think. Then again, perhaps my culinary creativeness is simply due to being unsophisticated in that realm, as I can't afford to eat at restaurants currently, live on a budget Paleo diet, and haven't started my second job at the country club yet, meaning I don't get a lot of exposure to culinary artistry and flavor sensations. Before I reach a definitive conclusion on this point I'll need to eat out more, experiment more at home, and advance forth into the hot line at work.

As for the short-term, after reading more and more chocolate-oriented blogs and articles I have been experiencing a desire to write more regularly about chocolate, much more often than my once-a-week chocolate reviews. I may not want to be a fiction writer as I did while growing up, but writing is still a value to me, and it seems that I may be being pulled in the direction of chocolate, whether it be about recipes, farming, political activism, or the like. And come to think of it, I've been terrible at carelessly discounting chocolate's potential role in my career, haven't I? I like it an awful lot after all, and it's been a value to me that's just growing stronger as time passes. Maybe I'd like to manufacture my own line in the future . . . ?

For now, what I think I should do is get into my second job, increase my exposure to more sophisticated cooking, eat out more after stabilizing my finances, experiment more at home, and see if there's some way I could stimulate my writing urges with chocolate-based topics. I thought my thinking was more clear on the matter of which direction I'd like to go, but that doesn't seem to be the case now. Not yet.