Wednesday, November 25, 2009

A Reason to Be Alone

When people hear the word "loner" a usually negative connotation is summoned to mind: people who stay within their houses nearly every waking moment, seldom ever to come out; detesting people within their private minds and outwardly actions. But I protest and say there are very good reasons for why a person would want to be alone, as concretized in an incident that happened to me today.

I was walking towards the parking lot after having exited my college pavilion when I noticed a crowd of people walking towards me, obviously intending to go into the building I had just left. As a customary act of benevolent politeness, I held the door open. When the man furthest ahead of the crowd approached me he muttered something inaudible, yanked the door from my hand, and then disposed of something in the trash can behind me. It was an act of pure malice, for he could have walked an arc around me, a detour that would have set him off his course by mere inches and decreased his efficiency by a fractional part of a second. Given his state of being and of his teeth I assume he doesn't live a very pleasant life, but such a malevolent act will not lead to his permanent satisfaction, but rather continuous strife with himself and the world.

Luckily the man behind him had seen that I had been forcibly removed from my post at the door and resumed the favor for me. However, that did not immediately remove the mood of malevolence I had held towards the malicious man, for I wished him ill. But then again, if he continues to act like then ill shall continue to follow, and so he will need no help from wishing on my part.

It is for this type of person that one would find it not merely desirable, but beneficial to partake in the life of a loner. The consistency in regards to how often one achieves personal values determines one's overall sense of life (the constant emotion), and if one regularly deals in loss of value, such as with that malicious man who threw my act of benevolence in my face, then one could develop a sense of life that is inherently negative. My choice to be a loner is due to the fact that I live in an area where people have a predominantly indifferent or negative sense of life and because I go to college in an area where people are not only predominantly negative but are ready and willing to also commit acts of malice. If I recall correctly, the community college a few miles away regularly witnesses gunfire.

If I were to subject myself to and interact with these people on a consistent basis then certainly my benevolence would fade. I would not feel like being kind if it were to provoke anger rather than a likewise emotion; I would not feel like being polite if it provoked impoliteness more often than not; I would not think highly of mankind if the men that surrounded me were a worthless bunch. The thing is, I do not currently harbor these feelings or thoughts, and I actively work to prevent myself from doing so by maintaining my self-peace (i.e. self-esteem) and by being very careful and meticulously judgmental about whom I allow in my life.

I do not really enjoy being alone, usually only after I had been in a crowd for a long period of time, but if one is surrounded by bad people then George Washington's saying rings true: "'Tis better to be alone than in bad company."

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