Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Nature of my Project, Abridged

Surprise surprise, the reason for my absence lately is because of my involvement in the Project. It's finally almost over. As of this posting, I'm taking a road trip to its end result: a new home. Some very good things have been happening lately, and it's led to my finally getting the Project done. You know what that means, right? Yes: I no longer have to be secret about it.

Though, for the moment I don't want to go on and on about its nature, so in this post I'm just going to give the short version of what it is I'm doing and why it is I'm doing it, and then at a later date I'll publish a full essay I have written on the subject. It's a good thing that essay is already written, because as my Project comes to an end I am getting more and more disinterested in wanting to think about it. Simply, I just want to get on with my life. It's not that I'm trying to evade what has happened and pretend it never has, but rather I want to stop thinking about something that is ultimately not worth thinking about.

In short, the family members I grew up with have been very harmful to my life, and my relationship with these certain people have been on-and-off disputes that were objectively impossible to resolve. The disputes always arose from their irrational ideas and random feelings, and were impossible to deal with through the means of reason. Perhaps it may seem odd that I'm as open as this, but I think there's important philosophical points to be made from being open (which I'll make explicit in the forthcoming essay): My mother and grandmother nearly drove me to suicide in my youth, ignored me when I came to them for help, and then tried to stand in the way of my well-being by encouraging me to continue irrational practices after they've demonstratively imposed harm on me and which I healed from by repudiating. The "Circumstance" I speak of is my grandmother. I got kicked out of my house and moved in with her a few years ago, and disputes have been frequent. Whenever I do something unconventional (read: unpopular) or something that makes her feel "bad" she tries to convince me my course is bad through means of appeals to popularity and emotional revelations, and it's been utterly impossible to persuade otherwise through means of reason since she can't get over her emotions. The disputes have really distracted me from living my life -- I couldn't even concentrate -- so I came up with the "Project" to move out of her house and into another secret location so I'd finally be able to live a calmer and happier life. It's unfortunate, but I need to cut her off because our problems wouldn't cease if I kept her in my life in any degree. I value her none, so I'll spend zero time dealing with her. Because much of my family is aware of my blog and Facebook profile, I've been unable to speak openly and instead resorted to vague terms such as "Project" and "Circumstance."

Now you know.

For the time being, I don't think it would be the wisest thing to note my location -- I've actually moved out of state -- so for now that shall remain a secret, though it won't be one taunting you like the "Project" has. It's been a difficult journey to this point, one well-marked with setbacks, so this is a major achievement in my life, one that will allow me to more competently concentrate on my endeavors, learning, and relationships. Now my life can move on.

However, I know that some of you might be scoffing or rolling your eyes right now. Given my youth, it is but inevitable and logical that most may think me to be the typical kid who hates his "squares" of a family, makes decisions from the basis of his emotions, and acts frivolously, but that isn't the case here. My actions were well thought out and calculated, and based off the objective harm living with my family has done. This is the only solution to those problems, but I don't blame you for thinking me the typical kid. It's reasonable given the vast majority of youths today are in fact emotionally driven in that way. I'll explain the details of my problems in my upcoming essay that goes through the Project at length. Remember when I put a vague sentence in one of my weekly summaries, "Super Secret Thing"? Well, those were flag terms. I got sick of being secretive about my Project, so I created a secret blog and advertised my post in the Objectivist Roundup with those flag terms, hoping some of my readers would stumble upon it. The details are there, and I'm going to be lifting an essay verbatim.

Anyhow, things are moving forward. Now it's time to start thinking about what my next priorities are. I don't have a job lined up where I'm moving, so a job hunt is in order, though with vast more opportunity here and with previous restaurant experience under my belt. It's time to live life now, much delayed.

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