David Bowie's China Girl

Due to some unnurtured musical development I find myself largely indifferent to music; par the norm for me is to latch on to a few musical pieces and then listen to them to death. Happily, I find that David Bowie's China Girl to be such a piece. Seldom does anything focused on romance resonate with me, particularly because I find today's conceptions of love to be irrational and repulsive. Sex glorified separate from human character seems sickening to me since I don't generate desire for women solely based on their physical appearance, and the whole notion of "love at first sight," the notion that love is mystical and unexplainable, is downright stupid and treats emotions as if they were causeless or supernatural.

This particular video resonates with me since it portrays a loving playfulness between David Bowie and the China girl, indicating a relationship that took work and nurturing to develop into what it has become. There is a sexual element, but it's saved for the last part of the video, making the couple's interactions slowly increase in emotional intensity until it climaxes on the beach. Lovely, and it's one to make me think of my own emotional aspirations.

I consider myself extremely attractive and able to find another to engage in romance with, but currently I am abstaining intentionally since I wouldn't want any significant other to have to deal with the conditions my project is set out to solve right now, so romance at presence remains food for thought. I've been very interested in what other have said about utilizing rational methods and principles to spark and develop romantic relationships, and plan on reading Selfish Path to Romance after it gets released.

As far as my thinking goes, I think I need to work on my "loveability." I consider myself intelligent and moral, but, given my current circumstances, my personality isn't exactly flavorful and definitely could use some work. It's certainly possible to be able to achieve morality, intelligence, and self-love while at the same time still being boring to deal with. To remedy such boringness I'll set self-improvement goals to develop courage and strength, better study habits, and to learn how to maintain healthy relationships.

But my project is of primary importance right now, and will indirectly advance my romantic goals anyhow by quashing a circumstance that's affecting my sense of life and intellectual abilities. For the time being romance will be a subject of thought and goal-setting. In the future I will perhaps detail my goals and progress on my self-development, but only as a corollary to the other pursuits in my life. And no, I won't detail any specific interactions I have with women.

Speak English!

I thought this might be a temporary problem, but it's been going on for some weeks now that some Asian posters will either spam my comments or write something in a language I can't understand. No matter how often I reject their comments they keep coming back, so it may be a spam bot.

Whatever it may be, I want to let it be known that I'll only accept comments and communications in English and English only. I know no other languages right now, so I am only able to moderate comments I can read. If I ever become fluent in another language then I'll widen the standards accordingly, but right now I'm limited only to English, so I require any potential posters to write to those specifications.

CR: Endangered Species' 88%

Oddly enough Endangered Species' 88% dark chocolate was one of those chocolates I had to eat multiple times in order to develop a taste for it. I was previously ready to construct a negative review for this variety, but procrastinating on the writing and eating more of the bars in my stash has made me change my mind, though with some qualifications.

Its flavor is obvious: Very dark chocolate with a kiss of sweetness. The vanilla is so subtle that it's barely noticeable and serves only to blunt the natural bitterness of the cocao, but you can detect it if you pay attention. Otherwise: It has good flavor, but there's not much else I can say except "Hey! It's chocolate!"

My biggest personal qualm is with the mouthfeel. Surprisingly, this chocolate doesn't do much in the way of melting in your mouth, so it's going to pretty much stay crunchy up until the last moment unless you eat very slowly. But hey, when you're eating chocolate you don't eat slowly, do you? (I should, I realize.) In this realm I think Lindt's 90% is superior, but I'm hesitant to say so until I eat it again and give it its own review. From memory I recall a creamier mouthfeel, but also a much stronger vanilla presence, so strong that they might as well call it "90% cocoa with vanilla" to be totally accurate. If my memory is correct, then this provides good reasons to consume both brands: Endangered Species for crunchiness and more intense chocolate, and Lindt for creaminess and more intense vanilla. Have both on your shelves!

However, it might be a while before I buy another Lindt bar to confirm my interpretations as my local stores have recently taken the 90% variety off their shelves, meaning I'm likely to need an online venue. For this I reach out to my readers: Is there a good online chocolate website that carries multiple brands? From what I have seen, most stores only carry a handful a brands, meaning one has to go across multiple sites in order to satisfy one's desires, therefore being subject to multiple packages and shipping rates. It'd be nice if I could get it all in one place, thereby negating the need to buy a particular variety in bulk to make it cost-effective.

For the ES 88% variety, I'd consider it worthy of buying in bulk, and am glad I did. My previous negative reaction was mainly due to its mouthfeel and weak vanilla, but now I've come to see it as something rather distinct to this bar. I shouldn't taste one good bar and then expect other brands to conform to that experience; that'd make things boring. However, mint and ginger are still my top favorites.

I'm going to have to get some new varieties to try soon. I'm down to my last two "new" bars in the fridge.

The Project and My Well-Being

Foolishly, I didn't realize until recently that my keeping secret about what necessitates my project could have caused some concern among some people about my well-being. My neglect stems from the fact that I have discussed my circumstances and project with several people and have forgotten there exists a group left out in the cold. It is still necessary for me to be secretive, but to be more polite I will at least hint at the nature of the problem so as to eliminate any serious concern about my condition, such as whether or not I have a disease or am in danger of going to jail.

In truth, the problem is actually very petty and insignificant, almost laughably dismissible and pathetic really. It may make one wonder why, then, it's having such a significant negative impact on my life. It's because there's an excruciatingly narrow number of solutions to this problem and none of them can be quickly employed. Worse yet, many of the potential solutions I have employed have either had no effect on the problem or have been temporary, thereby letting the problem remain untouched and in full effect in the meanwhile. Even worse yet, I'm down to my, literally, final and last resort -- one that is guaranteed to solve this problem -- but it's particularly time-consuming to employ, requires money, and is to some extent based on chance. I have made enormous progress in employing this solution and actually consider it to be more than half-done in regards to the specific steps and learning that need to be completed, but I'm being delayed by the chance-based elements, the elements I have influence, but not control, over.

The secrecy, again, is not to tease you or present to you a dramatic surprise when I complete the project, but rather is a necessary part of the solution. If the wrong persons learn about my project it could actually intensify the problem by several degrees, make my project much harder and slower to complete, and maybe even negate my efforts altogether. As such, the nature of my project is only known to select people whom I know pose no obstacle to my efforts, either through trust or impotence, and can be of help. It does, in a way, make me itchy to want to talk about it, but the temptation must be resisted. When the project is completed I will then be in the perfect position to let you know everything.

To illustrate with an analogy why this problem is so significant to me, try to imagine a person standing beside you who endlessly taps your shoulder while refusing to acknowledge your reactions and requests. The first few taps might either surprise you or cause you to inquire what the person needs, but his ignoring you and continued tapping beyond that will cause negative emotions to arise. Upon noticing he's ignoring you and still tapping, you might become puzzled, eye-rolling annoyed, or even irritated, and might try to walk away from him. If he opts to follow you, continuing to tap, the negative emotions intensify and progress into anger. If he continues to tap, the anger intensifies and might even turn into rage, and you might try to run away from the person or shove him away. Note that in all of this the problem is actually petty and strange: a weird person who refuses to stop tapping your shoulder. Yet, tap after tap after tap, you'll start experiencing negative emotions that grow more and more intense, and with justice. It's not each individual tap that bothers you, but all the taps added together plus the prospect of those to follow.

That, metaphorically, is my circumstance. I'm not in physical or legal danger, but rather am encountering a phenomenon that I grow increasingly adverse to the more I deal with it. The problem is primarily psychological. My intense adverseness has become so that it is affecting my temperament, ability to concentrate, learn, and be productive, and my ability not to think about my problem. For several months things actually developed to the point where solving this problem, this constantly tapping-my-shoulder problem, took up the majority of my thinking and emotional energy. Hours at a time would be spent racking my brains trying to conjure up solutions or employ possible ones (which quickly failed or never worked at all). The amount of space this problem took up in my consciousness made me seriously neglect other productive ventures, such as my independent studies, writing in my entrepreneurial journal, doing cultural activism, reading, and so on. It was unhealthily stressing me out to the max.

Aside from my neglected productive endeavors, it is also seriously affecting, and I in a way feel guilty about this, my sense of life. At work, in a job I enjoy that's also relevant to my larger goals, I feel at peace, am in a good mood, and am pleasurably concerned with the well-being of my coworkers, but outside of those conditions I become aware of the shoulder taps again and become agitated. It's not that I'm intensely suffering, but rather that I find this emotional downturn to last too long and too often, all because of an issue that as philosophically significant as someone endlessly tapping your shoulder.

I'm immensely glad that I've undertaken this project, as not only is it a surefire solution, but also has had deep therapeutic effects on me. No longer do I need to waste time searching for solutions: the solution is known and is in progress. The frustration is still there, but knowing that it is soon to perish does well to alleviate it while it still exists. Imagine being painfully hungry at a restaurant and seeing your server bring to you your favorite food: for a moment you forget the hunger pains and anticipate in excitement how good the food is going to taste.

As a bonus, not only will the project solve a problem that's been hindering me, it will also advance me forward in life in addition. Not only will I gain a peace of mind but also get a little bit closer to my other goals as well. Sure, this project does have significant risks attached to it, but honestly I'd rather face the problems that could spawn up from this project rather than the problem I'm facing now. The problem I'm facing now makes it more difficult for me to function, but solving it, I think, would make me infinitely more fit to tackle anything else that comes my way, even if the problem is philosophically more significant and difficult. It would also make me tremendously more able to defeat this current problem if it attempted to resurface in any form. Right now my ableness is limited and negated by the stress and slow implementation of the solution.

My prediction of increased fitness (psychological in this context) is based on my previous experience with solving significant problems in my life, which not only gave a healthy boost to my sense of life but also made me want to rip the horns off life and apply them to myself. Take my situation with Man X for instance. When I had to deal with him I was in a particularly bad state of mind and developed full-blown depression, but my break with him has given me long lasting gifts, including the curing of that depression, a much stronger resolve to improve myself and pursue values, better physical health, and more. It has been years since our break and none of those benefits have disappeared, meaning they weren't a part of a temporary euphoria, and I still feel nothing but a slightly hostile indifference to Man X, regardless of whatever pain he inflicts on himself. Similar situation with my paleo diet: After a slightly uncomfortable transition I have managed to achieve the best physical condition in my life -- in functionality, appearance, and feeling -- and have the least bit of temptation to go back to my old dietary guidelines, except for some indulges of baked goods mashed together with ice cream. The effects of both of these positive changes in my life have been long-term, not short-term.

I think the solution of this particular problem may actually be one of the most important achievements in my life to date. No, it probably won't particularly impress you to hear about it, but to me, considering the problem, it's extremely significant. What I stand to gain from this project will be the elimination of the last personal barrier standing in the way of my efforts to realize my best self, to actually become the type of man I visualize as ideal. Right now the problem is preventing me from doing that, not because I'm irrationally letting the problem fester without making an effort to solve it, but rather because the solution is taking several months. (If you haven't been keeping track, I've been engaged in this project since March 2010.) If some conditions in my life were different I might have been able to actually complete the project within a week -- but those conditions don't exist right now; work and a small pinch of luck is required to bring them into existence.

So now you know that the problem is something that is psychologically hindering me and is not putting me in any physical or legal danger. I know the vagueness doesn't do too much in answering any questions, but that's just how it has to be for now. In the meanwhile the mere existence of the project is doing well to alleviate any symptoms of a negative sense of life, so to soothe my frustrations I usually find it sufficient to daydream of the end-results of my project. It is still the case that I don't know how much time is left in this project, as there are still financial issues and I do not yet have a sufficient income, but, as far as my efforts go, I think it would be a pretty neat present to have things done before my birthday in October. Until then I'm working on developing myself at work -- I still haven't reached top speed and effectiveness in dish washing -- and am looking for supplemental income. I've been getting lots of ideas for my entrepreneurial journal, and if I'm lucky I may come across an epiphany about something I could employ immediately, rather than years later, and push me over the edge just enough to get this project through.

However long a wait it may be, my resolve is undiminished, as there's a fantastic future to take advantage of on the other side.

CR: Endangered Species' Goji Berry, Pecans and Maca

Endangered Species' organic dark chocolate with goji berry, pecans and maca is probably the weirdest chocolate I've ever eaten, and I'm on the fence as to whether or not I'd be willing to try it again. It says dark chocolate, but it actually doesn't taste like dark chocolate. Somehow the flavors involved -- the chocolate, berry, nuts, and maca -- all fuse in a way that makes this chocolate seem way sweeter than it actually is. According to the label it has ten grams of sugar per serving, two grams lower than my darker and beloved mint, but it tastes almost exactly like milk chocolate, which isn't a good thing if you like the bitterness. If they actually made this variety in a milk chocolate version it would probably be sickeningly sweet.

However, it could also be considered a plus that the flavors all fused together so nicely, leaving little evidence of separateness. The milky flavor is very strong, but one can still detect a subtle hint of pecans and an even subtler hint of the goji berry. I've never heard of or eaten maca before this bar, so I can't say anything about its individual presence except that it doesn't disrupt the balance. As for those unfamiliar with goji berries, my interpretation, based on some juice I drank from my local Wal-mart, is that they taste almost exactly like a fusion of oranges and cranberries.

While the outside of the bar looks fine as par the norm for ES, I've found the appearance after biting into it to be rather off-putting. The pecans or maca, I don't know which or if both, integrated into the chocolate leave their mark in the form of big white chunks, which reminds me of cobwebs and mold. This is probably subjective, however, as many might otherwise immediately think of the rice found in Crunch bars.

My final verdict is that one will have to decide based on personal sweetness preferences. For me, if something is too sweet then my taste buds can only react for a short amount of time before becoming desensitized; the first few bites of the bar were awesome, but after that: blah. As such, I'll probably never try this bar again. However, if you're eating dark chocolate solely for health reasons, in addition to or in spite of taste, then you might appreciate its imitation milkiness while at the same time enjoying nutritional benefits. Of course, stay away if you've never liked milk chocolate to begin with.

This variety offers a unique fusion of flavors that will surprise one with an unanticipated amount of sweetness for this high a level of cocao content, which can be a good or bad thing depending on one's preferences. Since I already have a nifty list of already established higher favorites, such as New Tree's ginger and Endangered Species mint, so I don't think I'll be making room for it in the refrigerator any time soon.

Life's Purpose Update

Since clarifying my purpose in life, identifying that I want to dedicate myself to the culinary arts, I have been doing some intense thinking/daydreaming about the long-range goals in my life, and things have become even clearer.

For one, I don't think becoming a chef is my passion per say, but it is at least my medium-term goal. I love cooking, but my interest is more intensely intellectual, so I don't think I'd be able to gain my happiness in the long-run by dedicating myself to the physical pursuit entirely. So my goals have changed: In the short-term I want to improve my income and finish my project, move to another state in the shortish-medium term (perhaps; definite goal, but indefinite time-frame), and become a chef in the medium term. My long-term goal, however, is different.

While out actually physically doing job hunting -- I think internet job sites are impractical given my current career development -- I have developed a little hobby of collecting restaurant menus. In all honesty I don't eat out that much, but I love seeing what efforts restaurants take to advertise themselves. Aside from the menus I also love looking at the architecture and decorations of the actual dining areas, to observe themes and analyze whether the foods and services fit that atmosphere. Throughout all, the purpose of such collecting and observing is to arrive at my own individual tastes and conclusions on how I'd like to see a business operate.

I think in the long-term I want to be an entrepreneur who operates his own chain of food businesses. The more I think about it, the more I develop my ideas: in what attributes I'd like to see in workers and how I'd treat them, various business practices and services I would utilize, and I've even imagined some innovative technology I would like to bring into existence, either as an inventor or investor with a proposal. I increasingly like the idea the more I entertain it. I'm even going to start an entrepreneurial journal in order to document my musings, observations, and ideas about business for development and future recall.

To your disappointment, however, such writings will be done on paper only and kept private. Some of the ideas I have I consider to be greatly valuable, unrealized since I am unable to use them currently, and I could risk losing monetary rewards, a positive business reputation, and even the ability to achieve other goals if I blab about my ideas and someone decides to implement them before I can. It was a short bit of a conflict, but I almost published a post detailing such an idea, and am thankful to have decided against it.

Anyhow, it is surprising how logically aligned my goals are now that I'm clarifying my purpose in life. Previously it was horrendously difficult for me to even project "five year plans," but now I can conceive of them, and beyond, now that I think I know what my ultimate goal is and the approximate steps I'm going to take to get there. First, my short-term goal entails a project to deal with a problem that is interfering with my productivity. Once I get that out of the way, then I'll work to develop myself into a chef so that I'll establish an actual competence in the processes of cooking and baking, and so will be able to bring to reality dishes that only existed in my mind before. All the while becoming a chef I will, of course, further develop my finances and my technical and business knowledge. Somewhere in there, I don't know where, I'll work on moving to another state in order to live in a more pleasurable climate, more varied food industry, and better local culture. (A healthier local economy is a stretch to ask for right now, I think.) Beyond that, I'll then put my knowledge, skills, and finances to the ultimate test by opening my own business and work to develop into an actual chain, or at least own several businesses in order to be able to properly judge good workers. I wouldn't want good ideas sullied by incompetents.

As to my ultimate goal, since so many of my entrepreneurial ideas are tied up in them, I can only speak vaguely of them. Basically, I wish to operate a breakfast-lunch-dinner restaurant, a bakery, an ice cream shop, and perhaps even a cakery if I find it needs to be distinct from the bakery. Varied, I know, but why not? Aim high.

Perhaps in the future I may make it a separate post on why I like these specific businesses, why I'd like to operate them, and why I think I can be successful, but for now you'll have to be content with the above information.

Of all things, my current project must be completed first. The problem this project sets out to eliminate has been interfering with my concentration, learning, productivity, and even overall emotional health, so I view this problem as a threat to all my other goals and must be dealt with first before moving on. It stresses me out and upsets me that instead of practicing and studying food preparation, studying business, and other values that I must concentrate my efforts on something unrelated, insignificant, and yet undermining. But if it must be dealt with, it shall.

As a small update on my project, things are going moderately fine. I've made tons of intellectual and materialistic progress since the project's conception, but I've still yet to satisfactorily establish the beginning of my career, so still cannot say how many months is left in this endeavor. I still believe I can finish it before the end of the year, perhaps even before my birthday if I meet with success. Until then, I'm pushing on.

Musings about the future become so much more heartening when you know what your direction is. I can't wait to fill up several entrepreneurial journals.

Chocolate Review: Endangered Species 72% Mint

So it turns out I've been deceiving myself. Previously I tried to portray myself as having a conflict in deciding which is my favorite among several varieties, but I guess I was mistaken: It's certainly Endangered Species 72% cocao with mint. I love it so much that I actually bought it in bulk. Mint is just positively one of my favorite things.

This bar is wonderful. It doesn't contain a particularly attractive design on the bar, but it does have that nice shiny gloss which makes it look appetizing and moist, and a decent mouthfeel where it melts and becomes creamy at an acceptable rate. What really makes this great, in my opinion, is the mint alone: I love the way it smells, tastes, aftertastes, and makes my breath smell (and taste). It's particularly refreshing, especially intensely so if you crave it, and can be a wonderful addition to foods that have a strong scent; you certainly won't want to brush your teeth after eating one of these bars.

The only improvement I can think to really make is to intensify the mint. When I consume something minty I want to be slightly overwhelmed by it and breathe it out the nose. I may just get my wish since Endangered Species announced the possibility of a mint cream filled bar on its Facebook fan page, but it's still up in the air; I submit my vote in that regard anyhow.

However, there is still the need for me to justify my choice in face of other competitors, such as Green & Black's 60% cocao with mint and New Tree's 73% cocao with mint. They're both good varieties, but both have vices that make me choose Endangered Species instead.

Green & Black's, on one hand, seems to have a more intense mint flavoring, but its 60% cocao content makes it appear sickeningly sweet. I enjoyed it thoroughly, but the paid the price of such pleasure later on in feeling a bit ill. G&B's might be good in moderation or integrated into some dessert, but considering how much chocolate I like eat when I concentrate on it I wouldn't eat the bar by itself. Plus it's more expensive too, so perhaps I'd save it for a special occasion.

New Tree, on the other hand, is either equal to or greater in mint intensity as ES. It actually bests ES in the aesthetics department by being the most attractive bar I have ever seen: The bar's novelty is that it has the texture of leaf veins on it, but its so extremely detailed that it looks like an actual leaf imprint rather than an imitation. It also has 1% more cocao than ES, but the additional nutritional benefit is probably insignificant. I would pick this bar over ES if it weren't for one thing: The price. This is absolutely the most expensive chocolate I have seen to date, and only purchased it since I had a gift card. Honestly, I really don't see any justification for such a high per-unit price, so unless it's with another gift card or a higher income I'm going to opt for the cheaper ES since it offers more satisfaction on the dollar.

As such, my current verdict is that Endangered Species wins in the mint arena, and serves as my absolute favorite chocolate brand and variety for the time being.