People on my Gulch: Farming Talent

Alright, now I mentioned in my last post that I've decided to pursue bringing other people into my Galt's Gulch venture with me, so that I'll have help on my farm. Originally I planned on doing it alone, but all my ambitions would make it either extremely hard or nearly impossible to achieve in their ideal state, so rather than compromise I'd like to bring people aboard. Among other things, they would help with planting, dairy, harvesting, animal husbandry, livestock slaughter, and other things, but in thinking more about Atlas Shrugged I realized there's potential for something greater than that.

In short, on top of bringing bringing in people to help me complete certain tasks either difficult or impossible to do alone, I want to seek out and bring out other people skilled and talented at things beyond farming and use my farm as a way for them to cultivate their skills. In return for food, shelter, and other things, they'll trade me their own goods and services. Aside from being practical, this would also further contribute to the protection of my and others' happiness in economic crisis, as we'd be forced to give up fewer values than the economy would otherwise force us to.

What would motivate people to join me is the same motivation I have in doing this project to begin with: To protect, secure, and cultivate my happiness during economic collapse. To restate some points, my project has always mainly been concerned with happiness and the growth of talent rather than with mere survival. Sure, cultivating my own produce and livestock is practical from a survivalist perspective, but since I want to become a culinarian my ultimate aim is to grow the ingredients with which I'll use to foster my culinary practice and education. Most importantly, during any time in which supermarket shelves become bare and stories of people starving become prevalent, my own health and spirit will be virtually immune to the disaster, as with my preparations I'll still be able to roast red peppers from the garden, grill my home-slaughtered and butchered steak, spread my own crafted butters, and so on. I won't be able to cultivate everything, such as coconuts or ostriches, and will certainly have to give up some major values, such as chocolate, but the essentials will be there. At the worst of times I'd still be able to nurture my talent, expand my knowledge, and maintain, maybe enhance my physical well-being, albeit with a less conventional, more difficult and laborious lifestyle. The important thing is that if I achieve the farm the way I envision it, the worst of economic times won't stop me from pursuing and gaining my happiness.

This is what I view as what could be the main appeal for those not exactly interested in farming. If the economy goes to pot, then everyone in every trade is going to be affected in some way, and trying to depend on a failing economy could very well hurt or destroy their ability to pursue their trade. When the value of the dollar finally goes under the hair stylist will have empty chairs, the seamstress with no materials to sew, and so on. In other trades outside of my culinary interests, a failing economy means those people in love with their career will be hindered in their pursuit of happiness, if not totally stopped.

I propose my farm as the remedy. Everyone would have to step out of their boundaries somewhat, as I am in cultivating my own food rather than depending on cooking pre-made stuff (e.g. vegetables and beef from other farmers), but if they too exert their minds and efforts they'll be able to find ways to continue practicing their trade on my farm and use the other workers as their clients; the only difference is that they'll have to find new methods, work with different materials, cultivate their tools, and so on. For instance, a seamstress could tend to the feeding and maintenance of fiber animals, such as sheep and goats, and maybe cotton, and then collect those materials to create garments, clothes, blankets, and more, which could be given to other farm members or barter partners in trade of other goods. A hair stylist, given a large enough staff, could tend to the hair cuts and shaving needs of the staff, for which we receive free service in exchange for allowing them to experiment on us with new styles and techniques. A carpenter could see to the maintenance and creation of the home(s?) and structures. Even an inventor could have a place, such as by being the innovator who could help figure out practical solutions within limited means, such as generating self-sufficient energy.

So at a time in which a failing economy would prevent these people from using their skills to trade with a broader group of people, I can provide them with a means to keep at their jobs to continue developing their skills and talents, with the insignificant caveat of trading with a greatly reduced selection of people. (An insignificant caveat given the alternative is not being able to work at all, plus maybe being out in the street and starving.) Consequently, my aim in bringing other people aboard is not merely to get assistance in the muscle work, but to find people who connect their happiness to their trade and would like nothing more than to continue being engaged in it whether the economy prospers or fails. By searching for these people accordingly I could not only keep and protect values I wouldn't be able to otherwise, such as haircuts, I would also gain a highly self-motivated staff that would find it easier to find contentment in their security of shelter and food, and the ability to practice their trade when I'll likely be unable to pay them anything else, though I think I could figure something out.

Oddly enough, this does mean the aim in my project is starting to look more like what was seen in Atlas Shrugged, where the striking producers created a self-sufficient, small-scale society within the mountains. I have no intention in making my farm so large as to, ha, support a small society or to become so self-sufficient as to have its own grocery store, but I do want to strive to bring together a number of life-loving producers who could live a meaningful, happiness-serving, and mutually beneficial life together, with the only difference that we'd be trading our goods instead of relying on monetary payments.

This, I think, is a great way to enhance the scope of my project, progressing from mere bodily survival to the nourishment of my trade, to protecting values even further beyond. I don't know how I would go about seeking those people, but since the project is mainly in its research and capital gathering phase that doesn't matter much right now.

I even already have system in mind as to how I could introduce people to the farm, mainly depending on the conditions of their life. In short, I could offer them options everywhere from allowing them to move-in and establish themselves immediately, travel to the farm intermittently to get themselves used to the setting and duties, and keeping the farm only as an emergency backup plan.

Immediate move-in: Not much needs to be said about this option. This would be for people who would be ready to give it their all immediately once it becomes available to them. This I would want to be chosen by those who would be contributing at least partway to food production, such as a gardener for the produce and muscular men for the livestock. I myself intend to dedicate myself to the farm once I do establish myself sufficiently, as the farm itself changes my life's plans significantly, and I wouldn't want to be forced to it such as by witnessing the deterioration of my local economy and getting laid off.

Intermittent travel: This would be for those who want to continue maintaining their current lifestyles, but at the same time get themselves used to the new settings and lifestyle, whether it be spending the night every few weeks or visiting every few days. This could be for less-essential, though still important persons, such as those who would tend to the dairy animals. It is of question, however, as to how I could fulfill their duties with their temporary absence. These people would move in fully either when forced to (e.g. lay offs) or when they finally choose to fully commit.

Emergency backup: This would primarily be for people who want to continue fully their own lifestyles without really being concerned with the farm until they need it. This would be mainly for less direly important people or people we could do without until things get really difficult. For instance, take a hair stylist and carpenter. In good times the staff would be able to afford their hair tending needs while the stylist would still have costumers, but in failing times, once the chairs are empty and no more costumers are coming in, the hair stylist can then proceed to move to the farm, virtually the same time the staff won't be able to purchase hair services anymore. As for the carpenter, in good times the farm might be able to afford bringing an outside builder to perform or job or we could else rest easy with what we have, but once things go to pot the carpenter, lacking worthwhile finances and costumers, would move in to help with the maintenance and farm expansion at a time the farm staff would have to direct their attention elsewhere.

This option would allow the security of knowing that an important person with an important skill will be moving to the farm once we do need them, only that they'll be received at a later date. With this option I'll have to be cautious, for I would need to know that a person's interest in eventually committing will remain sincere no matter how much times passes, and that there will be a backup plan for the farm itself if it should happen that the person chooses to protect themselves in a manner that rules out the farm. I'm not so sure about the backup plan safeguard, but one requirement I could think to employ is to contract with the person to maintain weekly contact to keep clear his interest, and to move onto other options and plans if the person should lapse in communication and fail to be contacted.

* * * * *

As my thinking progresses this project becomes more and more exciting and ambitious. As stated before, my current concentrations are to research and gather capital, and to gets hands-on practice with slaughtering and butchering, skills I think would be important to have before jumping into the farm.

If you're actually interested in joining up with me, then send me an e-mail or like communication to indicate your interest and tell me what you have to offer and will contribute. At the very least I'll be able to take note of your interest and keep you more up-to-date on a regular basis with my progress, considering I'm not updating this blog as frequently anymore. The only warning I'd like to issue is that I haven't settled on where I plan on moving, as I'm thinking of leaving the dry conditions of Texas into a place with a favorable rainfall and climate, to maximize my produce and pasture potential (particularly for grazing livestock).

For my next article I intend on elaborating on another great idea for the farm, a barter network, which would also be a practical measure for those with even far lesser ambitions. Additionally, I'll also work at crafting an appeal to advertise my farm better to other people, to gain some backers and participants.

Thoughts on the Gulch: Progress and Ideas

Alright, so I'll grant you an update on my Galt's Gulch Project. Rather than consuming my time fruitlessly with the writing, it might be a benefit in that could spur some people to provide their own suggestions or maybe even get involved, so I'll talk in hopes of reaching the right people.

To date it's been so far so good, but I'm still making only intellectual advancements rather than material progress. My reading, research, and interviewing has considerably molded my plans and have let me figure out what the next steps I need to take are. I've just recently finished a spree of snooping around my local farmers markets to network and get contact information, and while I consider the snooping officially finished I'll still make visits as I judge beneficial. Ongoing throughout all of this is my reading, and I've just recently finished browsing The Backyard Homestead, a probable purchase, and intend to move next to Mini-farming and Basic Butchering of Livestock & Game, and The Backyard Homestead Guide to Raising Farm Animals whenever I can get it.

(Go ahead and keep track of my Amazon Wish Lists if you want to see what areas I'm checking out for my project. Truthfully, virtually every single thing is relevant to my project, whether it be making jerky or learning knife skills. Even the entertainment/fulfillment section is concerned with maintaining spiritual satisfaction during economic crisis. I haven't read all these books and do not necessarily plan on purchasing them; I'm just using Amazon to help me keep track of them.)

Right now I'm not really hunkering down to do any serious study, but I do have a research and career next-action:

On the former, I need to sort out my produce wish list more rationally and intelligibly. Since I don't know where I'm ultimately settling, though I know not a tropical place, I'm simply documenting every single thing I'd like to cultivate, from passion fruit to spinach, with really no sensible organization. On top of documenting everything I like, I need to conduct research and reorganize my lists so I can make sense of what conditions a crop needs, note the season to plant it and when to harvest, and so on. That way once I do start putting things to practice I'll know how to time and prepare things, and whether I can cultivate something in a particular zone.

On the latter, I'm going to begin striving a job in slaughtering and butchering. Out of all the plans I have, I think butchery and carpentry may be the most complex and in dire need of experience before I jump into a farm. I might get by alright starting my first garden with nothing but book learning, but I figure that's a big no-no when it comes time to kill the cow. I've networked and got some contact information, and now's the time to inquire and submit applications. I want to get into a place that does the widest range of animals possible -- from rabbits to pigs to cows, and maybe horses! -- and has as much hands-on involvement as possible, though I know I'll have to compromise somewhere. Likely what I could do is concentrate on size in slaughtery and seek diverse butchery experience elsewhere. As for carpentry, right now I intend to skim some books and maybe even take a class, though I hope I'll be able to bring a carpenter aboard to take care of those matters.

As things go on I'll of course find new actions and research to take to, but this for now seems to be the most important.

In other considerations I've also been getting some really good ideas which I think would enhance my project significantly.

For one, I've decided to pursue bringing other people into my farm. Originally I thought about doing it alone -- and it is possible to do it alone -- but I've concluded that's simply too strenuous given my ambitious plans. I could scale things down significantly to my barest survival needs, but this project is about protecting my happiness in economic crisis, not maintaining mere survival, so I'd like to bring in other people to make my ambitions more practical. It'd help immensely with things like large animal slaughter, livestock husbandry, dairy maintenance, and so on. I'd like to do a separate article on what people I'd like to recruit, how I'll approach them beforehand, how I'll keep them satisfied, and so on, but for now I'll say I want to seek out people in love with their trade and present my farm as a means for them to practice their skills and continue chasing their dreams when the economy otherwise won't allow them. A good example would be a hairstylist, a client dependent person. In a hyperinflation scenario their chairs will be empty and their scissors idle, but on my farm they'd have my hair and others to employ their vision on, for which in return I would feed and shelter them. Another example could be a seamstress. At a time when fabric stores have nothing on their shelves they could cultivate fiber animals and cotton on my farm and create clothes out of them, a benefit to my staff and a good barter item.

The other idea I had is that once I actually establish a physical farm and begin the processes I could reach out to other farmers and form a barter network to secure goods my farm doesn't produce. In good times we'll merely maintain regular communication, but once things go under we'll have each other contact information and agreement, and can begin trading good for good. For example, I don't have any sort of fish in my plans, so if it ends up that I don't incorporate fish at all I could seek out a fish rancher, connect with him, and establish it so that I could trade some of my goods for his fish. Five pounds of salmon for my bacon, eggs, and lavender? Deal. Aside from it's survivalistic practicality, this would go even further in protecting my and my staff's happiness in collapse because this means we'd wouldn't have to give up as many values as the economy would otherwise force us to.

Of these two ideas I think I can at least start employing partway the first one, though my project being in the research phase means I'll just be collecting names in a hat for now.

All in all, things are going good. Seeds of thought are always being planted, and hopefully I'll be harvesting a farm at the end of it all. 

Quotes That Guide My Life

Everyone, in some form or another, appreciates a good quote. A quote becomes appealing when it condenses down the essentials of the views of someone holds, allowing them to hold in their mind very pregnant ideas in a very economical form. While, as par the norm, people tend to appreciate quotes as they come by them, I've been making an effort for a very long time to decide upon which quotes are most essential to the way I view how life should be lived. At one point I even took to collecting quotes and writing them all over the place to serve as constant reminders and inspiration, but I wrote down so much that appealed to me that the writing became too great to keep track of or check on a regular basis, so from there I struggled to pare down the list to the bare essentials that drive my being. I think I finally reached that point, and would like to share that list in hopes of inspiring you to comment with yours, and perhaps motivate you to decide upon your essential favorites.

So here are my top four favorite quotes in reverse order of personal importance, which I consider to be the driving force behind everything I do. Those with asterisks might be paraphrased, not exact quotes.

4.) * "Do something you would do for free and someone will pay you well for it." - Mary Kay

This has molded my view on my career. Certainly I'm greedy and would like to make a lot of money, even become filthy rich one day, but this quote helps me keep in mind what is the most fulfilling and practical route to riches. To become materialistically wealthy should not be my aim. It shouldn't even really be on my mind. My emphasis should be on becoming the best I can possibly be in the career field I love and have chosen to dedicate myself to for life. The material rewards I reap should not be sought after, but rather be a natural consequence to how well I've done to cultivate my skills and be the best I can be.


The culinary profession isn't a high-paying profession by its nature, but I'm not worried about that. My ultimate aim is still not totally clear at this point, but I'm thinking about taking an ultimately intellectual and entrepreneurial route in my career, for which training as a chef will assist me in that matter. If I want to make a million, or even a billion dollars, then my concern is becoming worth that as a person, not directly pursuing it.

I do well at my job because I love it, even as a mere dish washer . . . not become I'm chasing dollars. The payment is the consequence and reward, not the goal.

3.) "Judge, and prepare to be judged." - Unknown

While growing up, passing moral judgment was inexplicably avoided and done with extreme inaccuracy when practiced on occasion. When giving praise my elders would often detach their compliments from the known facts of reality and give statements that were totally unbelievable and false, and any vices and immorality often went unacknowledged and ignored, leaving people to suffer endlessly in relationships they refused to acknowledge were rotten. I never consciously avoided moral judgment, but my inability to make precise judgments in my youth led to me having terrible relationships with other people all the time, continuing associations that should have been terminated promptly, and having malformed estimates of myself due to bad standards of judgment. I suffered greatly due to not having good thinking methods for judgment.

Once I learned how to pass objective moral judgment, my relationships improved dramatically, as I knew better which people were worth associating with and who should be cut off from contact, and underwent a drastic self-improvement spree once I identified the standards I wanted to strive to and starting holding myself responsible for my habits. I continue my self-improvement endeavors to this day since I hold myself to the same moral standards which I use to judge other people I interact with. My life has become infinitely better because of that.

This quote keeps in mind three things: That it's important to judge others (lest you suffer bad associations), that it's a logical corollary to submit yourself to others' judgment (so that you become comfortable with your public status and make changes where appropriate), and that you, most importantly, judge yourself. Doing this has helped me treat people with objective consistency based on their deserts, feel comfortable on hearing others' views about myself, and evaluate myself when trying to determine where I'm pursuing my ideals or need to make changes.

2.) "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle

This one is important to me more for moral reasons rather than, say, the optimization of talent. Building upon the last quote, another problem in my youth is that people often judged each other on the basis of isolated and rare incidents, often in the face of consistent evidence that flagrantly proved that things were otherwise. For instance, some people would take a consistently angry and malicious person and characterize them as happy and benevolent on the basis of one act or incident that made them feel good, such as observing them smiling once or doing a single good deed, despite the fact that 99 times out of a 100 that same person would act to the contrary. It's like these people were pretending the other 99 times didn't exist. As a result, once again, many bad relationships were continued even though they were generally and consistently bad, all because on seldom occasion things would be "good." You need to judge people on their consistent behavior if you want things to consistently be good, not the other way around.

Furthermore, this quote also emphasizes to me that it's most important to judge a person by their acts, not their intentions or emotions. Have all the good intentions you want: It's not going to qualify you as having a heart made out of gold unless you perform the deeds to match them. I've seen some truly awful persons characterized as practically saints all because they had good intentions on occasion, even if they did nothing in practice to put their intentions in action, and building on the above paragraph this would again be another thing which would be very rare and seldom to a particular person, thereby being an obscene dropping of the context.

In comparing practices with preaching it is the actions that ultimately matter more, if one were to weigh them in isolation, but it totality it is of course how a person's actions match up with their preaching that matters most. In this case I've even seen terrible hypocrites judged as good even as they seldom, even rarely or never practiced their stated ideas, all because they preached the right things. What a detachment from reality!

This quote has helped me be more patient and meticulous in how I judge people, and helps me make sure I'm keeping the entire context of their being and am paying attention to and weighing the right things. Unless a person has done something unforgivably bad, I try to avoid hinging my estimate of someone on the basis of an isolated incident, and use my memory to full advantage to collect and store incidents that I believe give indication of someone's moral status, and use the pieces to form a coherent picture which I'll use to form a moral judgment. But even after forming the judgment I still try to keep it open-ended to continue adding pieces of evidence which will either intensify my estimate of someone (such as by observing repeated virtue by a person I view as good) or cause me to change my estimate if the pieces of evidence start tilting the scales the other way, such as a virtuous person repeatedly indulging in moral failings or a bad person consistently working towards redemption. It keeps my relationships in a semi-fluid state to better enable me to treat people according to their deserts, depending on the totality of the context of their being I have observed.

And, of course, I hold myself to that same standard. It helps keep me straight and avoid making the justification that certain things are an exception to the rule of my being. For instance, if I'm exhausted and take a day off from my efforts to rest, then I'll judge it as a deserved exception to my usual strivings. However, if I chose to rest and laze about for three days in a row, then I'll judge that I'm dangerously close to becoming a lazy person in nature and will make the appropriate corrections.

1.) "A giant is as a giant does." - Rod Serling, from the Twilight Zone episode *Last Night of a Jockey*

Almost as soon as I heard it it became my favorite quote of all time. Anywhere I can post a quote online, like in my e-mail signature, this is always the one I choose, and I read it virtually everyday, never forgetting it. It's very similar to the last Aristotle quote, only I like this one for its emphasis on substance.

Another difficulty in my childhood is how concerned everyone was with appearances, most often in total divorce of substance. For instance, people around me were more concerned with looking happy to other people rather than cultivating an actual life of contentment, and knowing them in private I learned that their smiles were mere muscle flexing, as inwardly they lived a stale and discontent, and even downright miserable existence.

And what reward do they get for focusing so much on appearance, on how they look to others? Nothing. No spiritual contentment, material satisfaction, healthy relationships . . . jack squat. This obsession with appearance was only to ease the discomfort they felt in being seen by other people, and avoiding discomfort and pain is not the same as gaining inner peace and happiness.

Plus, this episode of the Twilight Zone shows how an obsession with appearances can actually ruin oneself. (SPOILERS) In it, a jockey (a horse racer) gets permanently discharged from his beloved profession and has to cope with not being able to engage in it ever again. A spiritual entity within him starts speaking to him and offers him a wish as his last possible resort to rising up and living a good life. The jocky wishes to be big, and the entity makes him into a literal giant. The jocky then goes into a kind of euphoric ramble about how amazed people will be by his size and how he'll be admired. He calls a girl up to ask her out on a date, but she turns him down even as he frantically boasts about how "big" he is. He's irritated until he suddenly gets a call from the jocky club, learning that they've decided to give him one more chance. He's relieved that he gets another chance at his beloved profession, but after the spiritual entity taunts him he quickly realizes that he's too big -- he can't fit into his clothes, sit on a horse, get out the door . . . his concern with altering his physical stature, his appearance, lead to him ruining his life because he thought greatness meant looking great to others, not being great. His concern with appearance over substance made him sacrifice his only chance at a fulfilling life. (/SPOILERS) 

And that's what I've observed with other people in my life too. People concerned more with how they look rather than how they are have given up the values they most wanted to achieve, all for the empty gain of receiving approval from others. The people I've observed that have lived this way have led lives with empty relationships, mediocre careers, undeveloped talents, shallow romances, and so on.

This quote keeps me concentrating on what the actual value of my efforts and practices are in regards to pursuing my goals, rather than how people perceive them and in spite of their disapproval. Deeper still, it keeps me focused on living a life of substance, of being a good person rather than trying to look like one, of cultivating my mind rather than sounding intelligent, of being authentically respectful rather than using fake manners, and more. The quote continues to help even beyond this, such as by helping me judge whether a practice is really beneficial to my life (e.g. a study technique), how deeply I value a particular person, if the entire context of my habits lines up with my ideals, and endlessly on. It's been a way long time since I've last seen this TZ episode, but I do own it on DVD and should watch it again soon, and probably won't ever forget it. I anticipate I'll be holding onto these words for the rest of my life. If I want to be a great person, then the substance of what I do needs to be great. We are what we do. A giant is as a giant does.

* * * * *

These are the quotes that have the strongest influence in my life and in the molding of my being. It took an extremely long time to get to the point I could pare down my list to this, but it helps me in every single facet of my life, from how I treat people, how I exert myself at work, how I utilize my free time, how I judge myself, etc.

However, I'd like to have for a top five. One thing I don't think I keep in mind often enough is how finite my time is here on earth. You and I are probably not going to live forever. Am I living as richly as I could and making the best use of the limited minutes I have alive, however many billions of them? I'd like to have a quote that essentializes how preciously finite life is, but haven't seen any. Could my readers suggest one?

While we're at it, what are your favorite quotes? And I'm not asking for a hodge podge list either: what are the quotes that really mean something to you? That may guide your life as the above four guide mine?

Maybe once I do gather a top five I'll print and laminate them, so that I may read them everyday.      

Weekly Summary # 35

An excellent and productive week! I've learned a new way to manage my to-do lists that has been boosting my productivity considerably, enough so that I virtually eliminated all my items even beyond my goals. I have a list for just about everything -- short actions, long actions, physical actions, computer actions, and so on -- that I consult regularly to see what I could possibly do next, and the most important list is my Short-term Aims and Goals list, which documents what I want to get accomplished today, tomorrow, this week, and sometimes even next week. My error is that I've been detailing my daily goals too exhaustively, so I've often been taking on assignments that take an entire day to complete, by which then I'm tired and feel finished with my day, lacking motivation to check any of my other lists. This week I've trimmed down my daily goals to the bare essentials I want to tackle in a day, leaving the rest to intuition to decide where to go next in my goals and other activities, and I've found it's surprisingly effective in increasing my motivation to keep constantly attacking my lists, rather than completing my daily goals and feeling done for the day.

Even better this week is that I've been feeling more and more content about life on a consistent basis, and feeling a stronger person. I've been maintaining my introspection habit consistently and writing down good things that have happened recently, and I find that my consistent mood keeps getting brighter and brighter. It's certainly allowing me to make calmer and more productive choices, and be an overall better person, so I consider this significant progress in the emotional realm. I'll absolutely keep up these practices on a routine basis, lest I falter.

The list:

1.) Memorize the various muscle groups: Done. I'm not sure how effective my learning has been so far, but already I seem to have a firmer understanding on which exercises I should be doing to tone my body and how to plan the exercise orders. I learned the various groups surprisingly fast, though I learned quickly only to focus on groups relevant to my exercise concerns, as some of the muscle broken down very intricately have lots of difficult technical names to remember, which I don't need to know since exercise can't target them that specifically. I'll check my written notes to test and refresh my knowledge throughout this week.

2.) Read to page 150 in Schulz and Peanuts: Totally forgot! I made a particular error for the first time too: Apparently I only listed this goal on my blog and didn't document it on my list of goals that I consult daily, so I lost awareness that I made this goal. Oh well, still plenty of time to read the book.

3.) Read to page 200 in Crash Proof: Didn't make it in time before it was due at the library, but I've rerequested it. I'm fairly convinced on the root of the U.S.' economic problems now and am not involved in arguing for them, so I think when I get the book back I'll just skip right to its recommendations for protecting savings. That's all I want to learn.

4.) Submit a request for a chocolate-based book (more informative, not recipes): Submitted requests for The Science of Chocolate and The Chocolate Tree: A Natural History of Cacao, and am anxiously waiting for them. I want to learn as much about chocolate as I can.

5.) Follow more chocolate blogs: Well, somewhat. They seem to be surprisingly scarce, as I only found one or two new blogs to add to my reader that I hadn't heard of before. I guess any others that exist I'll just have to stumble upon accidentally.

6.) Write an article for Modern Paleo: Done. I'll link to it when it publishes. I plan on kinda retiring from contributing to this blog except for my chocolate reviews, and I add emphasis on "kinda." Writing an article for them on top of the commitments I already take on with this blog is very stressful and pressing, so I'd rather refrain from writing another article there unless the ambition strikes me. I just think my time can be spent in more valuable pursuits.

7.) Look up book on coding: This is related to my new year's resolution to redesign my blog, and I skipped out on it because I keep running into value conflicts. On one hand I see benefit on obtaining such knowledge, but I keep refraining from pursuing it because I favor better other values in my hierarchy, such as chocolate and learning more about the culinary field, so I'm afraid to take on such an educational endeavor since I think it'll eat up too much of my time. I still plan on redesigning something, so I've just got to rethink things in a way that will still allow me to concentrate on the highest parts of my value system.

8.) Take walks that last approximately 45 minutes until daily goals are completed: Done. As mentioned earlier this week, I've been having a problem taking too long of walks lately, so I thought to remedy the problem by forcing myself to go home after 45 minutes elapsed. It worked wonderfully, as I felt no discomfort or disappointment in cutting off my walks in such a way. I'll integrate this into my system of self-improvement habits to ensure that its benefit remains constant.

I've also applied similar limits to checking e-mail and blog stats. Without restrictions I found myself doing it too frequently, but when I applied the rule of only checking once in the morning and then not again until after my daily goals that I was helped overall in my productivity, so they are yet more habits I need to keep up with.

9.) Examine Google Mail: Done. I had been contemplating a switch, and I think I've decided to do it since Gmail is much more fluid and fast, and thus more efficient.

* * * * *

I attacked my to-do lists so thoroughly that there seems to be little else to do now, and I have little goals I can think of. Keeping in line with my last weekly summary, my main interests now are computer coding (web design, really), chocolate, exercise, and getting my financial house in order. I can do something with the web design, but I'm waiting for books on chocolate, exercise, and finances, so one goal is a-go while the others are on hold out of my power. That's alright, as there's always plenty of time to think and plan how my time could be spent more productively. Best of all, the pared down to-do lists make me feel more comfortable with the prospect of reading more, which is what I've been wanting to do more while at the same time thoroughly neglecting.

So, for now, here are my rough plans, which will likely change by the time you see this next week:

1.) Look up web resources on web design: Of all things, I want to reconstruct that hideous header I have on top of my page. Change that and I think I'll be content with the simplicity of my blog.

2.) Continue studying muscle groups: I'd say all I would need to do is check my list of muscle names and test myself to see if I can correctly locate them on my body. Again, the groups were surprisingly easy to learn and memorize, making me feel silly for procrastinating for so long. If you workout then I suggest doing the same, as it brings more awareness as to what improvements you need to make.

3.) Convert to Gmail and redirect newsletters and like to there; add signature: This will be a bother, but should take only an hour or so, nonetheless. If you're one to communicate with me by e-mail, then be sure to ask for my new address.

4.) Ask my credit union how I can convert my money to other currencies: This is mainly what I want to do to protect my savings from the probable oncoming economic collapse. The web turned out to be a bogus resource since most all of it deals with how to calculate currency exchange rates. I want to know how to literally do it, and mainly how to incorporate it into my banking rather than holding it as paper.

5.) Create productivity lists for work: This helped me immensely at my last job, and I think I should incorporate this back into my current job too, as well as utilizing a stopwatch to time how efficiently I do a task. Given the amount of wetness as my job, however, I fear my lists won't fare well without plastic coverings, but I'll learn how to make do until I get them.

6.) Read to page 100 in Schulz and Peanuts: The reason why I've reduced my goal here from 150 pages is because now I'm not so sure I want to continue reading it. I came to value Disney productions by gaining an admiration of Walt Disney himself through a stellar biography, so I thought I could come to admire the Peanuts comics by reading Charles Schulz's biography. While I see value in his comics, I don't think he was great as a person, and so am considering quitting the book.

That's it for now. Given my improving sense of life I'd like to write a happy post later this week on how I plan on enjoying my life in the short-term, and utilizing my smaller to-do lists advantageously to give me a more comfortable amount of time to indulge in some learning. Life is worth living and thinking about, alright.

Weekly Summary # 34

Oh boy. Another one of those weeks in which a lot of doing goes on, but not a lot of "done" accumulates. Where did all the hours go? I admit to feeling ashamed for my lack of productivity this week. It's not due to not having enough time, and I won't use my increased work hours as an excuse, but rather a case of not putting enough into the time I have. All there's left for me to do is to simply be more active and don't idle about. What I definitely need to work on is eliminating my fixation with my Short-term Aims and Concentration list, in which I document what I want to get done for the day, possible tasks for tomorrow, my weekly goals, and next week's goals. When I accomplish my daily goals ahead of schedule I give myself the false sense that my day is over and then refrain from attacking other possibilities on my lists.

Most notably, I've been experiencing a drastic increase in my anxiety lately. I'm encountering tough financial times, and it doesn't help my worries that I'm not only in a possibly unstable situation, but also the economy itself is nearing collapse and I haven't had time to garner the means to prepare for it. Worry, worry, worry . . . but at the same time Mind Over Mood has been awesome in helping me deal with the stress and feel a person with greater endurance, so I'm beyond glad I've read that book. Even if my situation grows more difficult I at least want to get myself to a place where I'm serene with my circumstance (lowercase c, for those who know what I mean).

The list:

1.) Write article for Modern Paleo: Wrote a rough draft and hate it. I've got to rewrite it.

2.) Look up "feeling art": Found it! It's called Touching the Art, by Luc Travers. I have no idea why I thought it was called Feeling Art. I've added it to my reading list, but since I don't have any goals involving art at the moment I don't know when I'll get to it.

3.) Read to page 150 in Schulz biography: Not yet, but thankfully this book is actually stored at the library I travel to, so I'll have a much easier time holding onto it until I finish it.

4.) Read to page 100 in Crash Proof: And beyond. Given the closing due date this isn't a sufficient pace, however, so I'll probably need to fill out a request for it again since I can't renew it. Blast. At the very least, I find reading the book helps me face the more difficult times ahead of us given that I'm granting it attention.

5.) Memorize the various muscle groups: I got some sites documented, but I didn't do the studies. Darn. I but merely plan on massaging my various muscle groups while I state their names (think of the song Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes without the singing). In retrospect this shouldn't be too time-consuming, so I'll go for it again next week.

* * * * *

My present problem seems to be that I'm accumulating more and more interests while I'm doing less and less to act upon them. It's time to essentialize and stick to certain concentrations in order to get something of significance accomplished regardless of how many tempting deviations may present themselves, unless I judge them to be of higher value. Of current, my main interests are:

1.) Computer coding: I've said in my New Year's resolutions that I want to redesign my blog layout. I should learn some coding to see how I could do that, but at the same time I've got some simple ideas that might make my life better, so I'm thinking of learning some easy and quick coding skills to see if I can get done what I want to get done and see if I want to take it any further.

2.) Chocolate: I simply want to read and learn more about it, and blog more about it beyond my too-seldom chocolate reviews. I need to search out more chocolate resources and books to see if I can cultivate something.

3.) Exercise: Weight-lifting is my second hobby in addition to walking. It's fun to go to the gym to see how I can test my limits, make myself stronger, and improve my well-being, physique, and appetite. I want to learn more about optimal practices. Right now, of course, I'm aiming to learn the various muscle groups in order to enable myself more rational exercise order planning, and I've submitted a library request for Body by Science Questions and Answers too, so I think that's sufficient for now.

4.) Get my financial house in order: I do not have the means of doing so right now -- and hope I'm not too late -- but acquiring the necessary knowledge is a must. I'm reading Crash Proof for that reason, but unfortunately may have to submit a request for it again since I may not finish it in time and cannot afford to buy it. Aside from stocking myself materialistically with food and medical supplies, my main thought in protecting myself is to convert my dollars to another currency. I don't want to play stocks right now; just protect my savings.

To get myself into a more focused mindset, I'm thinking of doing fewer goals this week with the thought of greater time dedication to each of them. So for this week I plan on:

1.) Memorizing the various muscle groups

2.) Reading to page 150 in Schulz and Peanuts

3.) Reading to page 200 in Crash Proof: And resubmit a request for it too since it's due soon.


4.) Submitting a request for a chocolate-based book (more informative, not recipes) and following more chocolate blogs

5.) Writing an article for Modern Paleo

That's it for now. On the sidelines, I should also work on getting up earlier and conducting earlier morning walks. I love walks so much, yet they're time-consuming given my immense value, so I ought to make more time for them. I'll also be managing anxiety in the meanwhile.

Continued Thinking on my Purpose in Life

Just about as always, I've been doing some thinking as to where I want to go in the culinary field as per my purpose in life, and more and more I've been realizing lately just how much I love an intellectual direction. At first I thought I'd might like to own my own restaurant or restaurants, but I'm confused on that matter for the moment.

After observing myself these past weeks after someone made a significant comment about my character, I've learned that I do my best and am my happiest when I'm feeding my mind and putting it to work. Pure muscle-type labor is out, as not only would I be discontent, but I'd also perform poorly since my mind would be severely dulled and undermine my efforts by wandering to other thinking to gain stimulation. On the other extreme, it doesn't seem I'd enjoy too much the pure intellectual realm either, just writing articles and stuff.

I noticed how important my mind is to my work through working a very looong shift of dish washing at my current job. I came in fine, but several hours in I started losing control of my pacing and felt empty-headed. My brain simply felt deprived. However, to gain temporary relief from his duties a coworker offered to trade places with me, so he could wash dishes to restore himself while I chopped lettuce for salad. Instantaneously I felt recharged at the prospect of learning and developing a new skill, and during the task I got so excited that I literally got an adrenaline rush and could hardly refrain from blasting with energy. Afterwards I took to washing dishes with renewed vigor. Learning is a must in my career.

At the same time, I've been wondering about my capacity for culinary creativeness. Truth be told I don't seem to be very active in the realm of thinking up new dishes and combinations, but still I do think about food a lot, distinct from hunger. At this point I'm considering chefdom a point in my career, not an end-point, I think. Then again, perhaps my culinary creativeness is simply due to being unsophisticated in that realm, as I can't afford to eat at restaurants currently, live on a budget Paleo diet, and haven't started my second job at the country club yet, meaning I don't get a lot of exposure to culinary artistry and flavor sensations. Before I reach a definitive conclusion on this point I'll need to eat out more, experiment more at home, and advance forth into the hot line at work.

As for the short-term, after reading more and more chocolate-oriented blogs and articles I have been experiencing a desire to write more regularly about chocolate, much more often than my once-a-week chocolate reviews. I may not want to be a fiction writer as I did while growing up, but writing is still a value to me, and it seems that I may be being pulled in the direction of chocolate, whether it be about recipes, farming, political activism, or the like. And come to think of it, I've been terrible at carelessly discounting chocolate's potential role in my career, haven't I? I like it an awful lot after all, and it's been a value to me that's just growing stronger as time passes. Maybe I'd like to manufacture my own line in the future . . . ?

For now, what I think I should do is get into my second job, increase my exposure to more sophisticated cooking, eat out more after stabilizing my finances, experiment more at home, and see if there's some way I could stimulate my writing urges with chocolate-based topics. I thought my thinking was more clear on the matter of which direction I'd like to go, but that doesn't seem to be the case now. Not yet.

My Coming to Objectivism

In the past weeks I have read some accounts of other people's journey to Objectivism and atheism and have been inspired to write my own account. It's interesting to see how people come to take such strong ideological stances as these, for if these transformations were documented in a story, they'd be a dramatic turning point in the plot. Besides, I notice some people are often interested in some alternative ideas but are afraid to give them thorough thought for fear of how they might affect their relationships or put obstacles in their way, so I'd like to demonstrate that any hardship endured as a consequence is more than worth it.

For the most part, the reason why I've become an Objectivist is because I spent the majority of my life suffering from the bad philosophical ideas that Ayn Rand repudiated. My elders are ideologically blank and adopted the ideas that form their character with unthinking absorption and no intellectual interest, so I adopted the same ideas by observing their practices and grew up very miserable as a result, made worse by the fact I often didn't know why I thought life was so horrible. The majority of my childhood was spent either playing video games, watching television, or daydreaming, as ceasing any of those activities would make me aware of how terrible I felt deep-down.

A lot of my pain was derived by not only accepting bad ideas in unconscious terms, but also by not having any stance in important areas and therefore being plagued by uncertainty. I had pro-capitalist emotions in my teen years, but absolutely no political views while growing up, for instance, as my elders never talked about politics or took any kind of political stance. I even had a terrible stint where I doubted the validity of my sensory perception and believed I was doing evil things beyond my awareness, as one time a kid maliciously and falsely accused me of a crime without having evidence or witnesses, and yet most all the adults seized on me and with much rage urged me to "confess," despite the consistency with which I denied committing such an act and didn't even remember coming in contact with the kid. Their "certainty" in my crime made me think my memory was somehow unreliable, so I was terrified that I might be a horrible person and not know what acts I committed.

Even though my philosophy was adopted without thinking, it can still be identified in explicit terms now that I'm wiser. Metaphysically, I struggled with a mystical, religious universe in combination with one that had an identity separate from anyone's consciousness, as I both believed in God and an atheistic, scientific reality. I always had doubts about God, but since my elders didn't take my questions seriously and instead brushed me off my questions simply went unanswered, but they ultimately never left my mind since they were never refuted either. My ethical premise that thoughts themselves can be evil prevented me from thoroughly thinking about those questions however, as I thought even the slightest doubt in God could sentence me to Hell, so I actively refused to think about those matters.

Epistemologically, I adopted secular faith. While I was religious, it was primarily an intellectual position I held to, but largely paid lip-service to. The extent of my family's religious beliefs were that there is a God and he gave ten commandments, but nobody read the Bible, went to church, or took any other aspect of religion seriously. They just said they believed in God, maybe prayed at night, and otherwise lived their lives in contradiction to their supposed beliefs. I was never taught how to learn things or by which means to identify that something was true, so I developed a "somehow" mentality in which I was expected to believe in things because my elders "said so," "just know" it's true, and so on. I was perpetually uncertain, but had no thinking tools in which to fully address these premises.

My ethics were probably the most developed and destructive. It consisted of altruism, that thoughts can have moral status, and second-handedness. On the first, through whatever means I gained the belief that one should sacrifice for others, but in the end it caused me much pain since not only is sacrifice painful, but also because I grew up largely without friends and therefore without recipients for my sacrifices, and I didn't want to sacrifice anyhow since my life was spiritually painful enough as it was, so I lived with perpetual guilt. On the second, since I lived with an elder who was emotionally unstable, unpredictable, and even explosive, I gained the belief that thoughts can have moral status given how hysterical they would react to some things I said, so I thought even the mere contemplation of a "bad" thought can make one evil. I resorted to suppression, which made the bad thoughts worse and therefore me more grieved. On the last, I had another elder who was literally obsessed with what other people thought of them, so watching how they were constantly petrified at other people and always trying to cater to them made me believe it must be ethically necessary to be concerned with others, so I too became immensely worried about what other people thought of me. My self-esteem ended up being eroded since I was heavily bullied, had few to no friends, and had mostly teachers indifferent to my problems, so, granting weight to other people's thoughts, I lowered my opinion of myself. All three tenets combined made me endlessly guilty that I was not doing my altruistic duty, distraught at my mental processes, and avoiding people for fear of what they thought of me.

And politically, as stated before, there were no views. I'm not sure if my elders even voted while I was growing up. No subject of any political nature was ever brought up, and to this day I have no idea what most of my family's political affiliations are. I think they were too afraid of the slightest strife to be able to take a stance on anything, so they avoided endorsing or condemning anything, if they had any political beliefs at all, in order to get along with other people. In my teens I developed pro-capitalist emotions since I somehow arrived at the conclusion that other people should not force their beliefs on others. This didn't grow to a full political belief, however, as I still didn't know how to think in ideological terms.

The philosophy as a whole consequently made me grow up in a miserable. My metaphysics and epistemology made me confused and constantly doubtful. My ethics made me view myself as an evil person who deserved to die and was resentful at other people's perception. And my absence of any sort of politics left me ideologically powerless to society's laws since I had no conception of how men should treat each other. A lot of philosophical stances were actually something I potentially leaned towards, like atheism and rational egoism, but the ethical tenet that thoughts can be evil made me refuse to think about them, and I could hardly think in explicit terms anyhow. I played video games, watched television, and daydreamed endlessly to avoid thinking or even acknowledging the reality my life, and got depressed otherwise.

I adopted all of these ideas from my elders, who were (and still are) largely unaware of them themselves, and at the same time they hardly participated in my spiritual raising. They entertained me with material goods and fed me, but I could never have deep talks with them nor engage in any meaningful activities that would allow me to spiritually bond and nurture a love. My mother's emotional instability established my misery, made me afraid of her, and made me avoid her since I couldn't predict her behavior. My grandmother just gave me a lot of presents and material goods, which I enjoyed, but cannot appreciate her character on the basis of since her personality if of a different nature. My grandfather sat around and drank soda all the time, and eventually I became afraid of him when he one day lifted me by the front of my shirt collar, looking like he was going to hit me, all because I had a bad day at school and provoked him by looking sad, so from then on I avoided him for fear of danger. I was left to my own devices then, and could do practically whatever I wanted, whether it meant playing video games for an obscene amount of hours, guzzling a quarter of a twelve-pack of soda, or eating an entire package of pudding. The rules were mostly lip-service, as even gentle asking would make them cave and backtrack, leaving me with little parental influence. I spent the vast majority of my time alone, doing my own thing.

As time went on my philosophical premises made me feel worse and worse, to the point I became suicidal. My life was only protected by a lack of motivation, however, as my most distressed and suicidal moments were accompanied by a great fear and lack of motivation to do anything about it. I spent well over five years nurturing suicidal thoughts and intentions. My relationship and trust with my elders was destroyed when they totally ignored me when I outright told them about this, as they refused to talk to me about it or get me any kind of help. The friends I consulted with didn't help me either, as it turned out they just used me to vent themselves, so they didn't care to give my serious problem any attention. I was shocked that the people I trusted the most in my life could betray and abandon me like this, so from during that period I stopped trusting and "loving" these people and kept to myself. I was alone with my problems. It's especially bad since I almost went through with the act one time, and was only saved because I had a calming mood swing on the long car drive to get materials from the store.

Ayn Rand came in about 2006, which is when I was already vigorously interested in philosophy, thinking about it often. Some time back I had discovered Anthony Burgess through A Clockwork Orange and The Doctor is Sick, and loved his writing, which inspired me to start entertaining philosophy. Burgess primed my consciousness, so to speak. One day I was just randomly splurging at the bookstore on some books when The Virtue of Selfishness caught my eye. I read Athem in school previously and hated Rand's writing style, but a valued friend at the time mentioned that she loved it, so I thought I'd give Rand's non-fiction a thought to see if it was any better. Although the title is intentionally provocative, I didn't see anything different about it, as my unexplicit ethics said nothing persay about selfishness being evil, so this was a random purchase that didn't really rouse my interest.

But did the reading ever rouse me.

I was immediately blown away from the first article on, and Rand wrote in a clear style that helped me consciously call to attention ideas I couldn't speak about explicitly before and yet was having my life dictated by. Her words hit my intellectual core and made me see for the first time in my life my own system of morality, the morality I had been living by my entire life. She made me see how such a belief was destroying my life, making me miserable and reclusive. She made me see that rational selfishness was not evil, that it didn't consist of hedonism or hurting others for your "interests," but rather trading values with others. She made me see that it was not bad to be alone, and that it was not right to place other people's thoughts above your own. I was only about two essays or so in before I entered a state of intense euphoria that lasted for hours, rendering me incapable of reading any further until I had calmed down. That day was a turning point in my life.

I didn't desire to immediately take to other of Rand's works yet, but she did set off a vicious storm of thinking that drastically morphed my character and how I began thinking. I became incredibly philosophical and contemplative. The philosophy I detailed above quickly became uprooted in favor of integrating Objectivism, and it's amazing how quickly I took to it, almost as if I had been a potential Objectivist all my life. I think the doubts I had about certain positions, like about God, would have led to me integrating Objectivist premises quickly if I had fully addressed those doubts, but since I believed thoughts could be evil I didn't do that thinking, thereby leaving the stances I hold now only as a potential. Very quickly I lost the desire to maintain my evasion techniques such as playing video games, as I soon began building my self-esteem and self-love, and favored perusing intellectual forums on the internet to further develop my philosophy. I don't think I ever actually valued video games, as the habit was broken nearly instantaneously and abandoned since; now I've sold all my games and systems, and there is only a single arcade collection installed on my computer that I seldom use.

The first things I started to do were read more vigorously than I already was, have philosophical talks with my friends and some elders, and, most importantly, consciously alter my behavior to match my new ideas. For instance, I recognized and was disturbed by how second-handed I was, as I was constantly faking my personality in order to garner approval from others, so I undertook my first major self-improvement endeavor to stop being dishonest in my actions. From then on I wasn't going to give lip-service to my ideas: I was going to preach and practice them.

Rand didn't convince me on her atheism however, so I was at first the well-known contradictory "Christian Objectivist." Her idea that evasion was evil penetrated my mind, however, so I could no longer allow myself to keep evading thoughts about religion, even if I did fear it as evil. I watched an episode of Penn and Teller's Bullshit! that talked about contradictions in the Bible, so that convinced me to convert to deism and not adhere to any specific religious. I kept thinking more and more about Rand's objections to not only Christianity, but religion in principle, and eventually integrated her conclusion that it was contradictory, logically impossible, and epistemologically unjustified, so about five months from having read the VOS, July 2006, I became a full-fledged atheist and stopped praying or believing in any God. As my philosophical beliefs changed, my mental health just kept improving and improving, making me grow happier and happier -- for the first time in my life. I took the objective status of my character seriously, was an overall better person, pursued learning more intently, and more. It was nearing the end of my teenager years, but my life was finally getting better.

My elders were largely indifferent to this development, unfortunately, and didn't take much interest in the books I read or that I was even reading at all. They treated me as if I was going through a stage and sometimes mouthed acceptance to the alternative ideas I stated that contradicted theirs. I briefly tried to argue with them, but I near-instantly understood that it was a mistake to try and philosophically convert them, so I largely left them alone, except in times in which they either provoked challenge or stated their beliefs in a way which made me need to voice mine lest they mistake my stance. I was my most ideologically sensitive at this point in my life, but they didn't pay attention and continued leaving me to my own devices, so they had absolutely no input in the ideas I entertained, adopted, or rejected. While I was materialistically taken care of, I consider myself as having raised myself from childhood and an entirely self-made man since my elders played no role in my spiritual development. I was growing increasingly antipodal to their ideology, but it didn't present any problems until I took some major actions to establish my well-being. You're probably already familiar with the scenario, as this is where my family troubles started brewing, eventually culminating in my current status where I moved to Texas without telling them and have excommunicated.

As part of my self-improvement I was striving to be more honest by acknowledging reality for what it is rather than what I believed it to be, and one aspect of that was my supposed love for my family. Yes, I deplored many of my elders, particularly those who didn't help me after I told them I was suicidal, but those conclusions were primarily in emotional terms only. In paying attention to the actual reality of matters it struck me as odd that I habitually said "I love you" to certain people even though I felt inwardly indifferent, so in order to reveal to myself how I truly felt towards these people I resolved never to say those words unless I actually felt love. To my utter surprise, I never said those words to my family again. When I introspected on the past I realized I almost always felt this way towards them, and was always mouthing words to deceive myself. I noticed I felt particularly strong negative emotions towards my mother. When she temporarily moved to Florida I suddenly felt immensely better and took more control over my life, eating a better (though not Paleo) diet, cleaning the house because I valued it, and being more at peace with myself. The lack of parental rules were still the same, so I didn't clean the house or ate better because I was told to -- they didn't even encourage me to -- but rather because I authentically valued the practices and maintained them of my own will. I hardly missed my mother. When she came back from Florida the negative atmosphere returned, I was stressed and in my room all the time, and refused to continue any of my regular chores. When she left again, contentment returned. One aspect of my inner peace of course could have been due to my philosophical development and desire to live life on my own terms, but it became explicitly clear that I held strong negative emotions towards my mother when I took a terrible vacation to Florida to visit her, which I hated everything about the entire trip, only relieved when I was home alone again. (My father wasn't in my life.)

I made the entirely calm dedication to never speak to my mother again whenever I should happen to move out the house, as I detested her the majority of my teenage years for her self-destructive behavior; unpredictable, unstable, and hostile emotions; and her refusal to recognize her problems or change herself. Objectivism gave me the thinking tools to reach this estimate by integrating evidence from the past and present to gather a sum of what her actions state about her character (we are what we repeatedly do), and my long-range thinking made me identify that her fluctuating behavior and refusal to change would mean that I would always be unhappy in dealing with her, which is why I chose to cut her off entirely rather than, say, merely move away and maintain correspondence. I don't think I would have been able to reach this conclusion if my psycho-epistemology hadn't been changed by Objectivism. Never at any point did I jump to a conclusion on the basis of emotion; the evidence told me this relationship would always be entirely unhappy, so I planned to disassociate entirely accordingly.

And of course, at this point you might know what happened. During my college days my mother kicked me out for knocking on her bedroom door too loudly, which is when I moved to my grandmother's and enacted the plan I constructed years prior. My family begged me to talk to my mother, but in response to my polite and extensive explanation for my stance, one I reached through hours of thinking, they gave me arbitrary conclusions they refused to give evidence for or prove, yelled at me, intimidated me, called me names, and so on. Eventually my grandmother got in the way of me living my life the way I wanted to as well, so I started the Project which culminated in me moving to Texas and cutting off a greater portion of my family. I have a super long essay here about what problems existed in my family, what I did about it, and what philosophically gave rise to my conflicts, as well as what you should do if you get in the same position.

Succinctly, I was taking great steps to vastly improve my well-being, but my elders refused to acknowledge the roots as to why I was getting so much better, so they encouraged me to reestablish the relationships and habits when led to my deterioration in the first place, so when I understood our conflicts could not be worked out by reason, I abandoned them since I was (and still am) unwilling to sacrifice my objective well-being for what they "feel" will be "good" for me.

As for friends, I still took an irrational attitude towards how I maintained many of my friendships given familial stress and leftover irrational premises, but ultimately I valued my friends less and less since I was growing more philosophical while they took another path. For instance, I hung out with people who played video games as intensely as I once did, but since I lost interest in the habit I lost the major thing I had in common with these people. I was becoming more interested in ideas, learning, and striving to realize the ideal, whereas they weren't, so we grew separately and apart. While my philosophy made me more friendless and unpopular, especially in college where my peers resented me, I didn't mind the aloneness since I had self-love and realized I wouldn't objectively like or love people with such contrary natures.

Sure, Objectivism has made me encounter a lot of obstacles, such as strife with my family, elimination of friends, hostility from others, and so on, but the hardship has been worth it to gain what I have today. I'm no longer suicidal, but rather am eager to live, more content, more respectful and nice to others, more intelligent, and more. And it is indeed Objectivism that has bestowed these benefits on me. I would never have been able to establish self-love if I hadn't repudiated altruism and the notion that it's a moral obligation to be concerned with what others think. I would never have been able to identify my family problems and solve them as I have, giving me a peaceful environment. I would never have been able to achieve my current physical health if I didn't have the courage to go against popular nutritional opinions and go Paleo. I never would have been able to identify my purpose in life and become the culinary-inspired, chocolate-reviewing person that I am today. I simply wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't changed my philosophy, thinking habits, and how I evaluate ideas. If I kept going on the other path, I don't think I'd be alive today honestly, because the pain would just have kept getting greater.

I have definitely been scrutinized and unjustly treated for my views, such as my family getting angry at me for not talking to my mother despite her atrocious immorality, but what contentment and inner peace I have achieved has more than made up for it, and it eliminates any temptation to compromise on my ideals on the delusion that it'll somehow make things easier or make me happier. I've stuck to my convictions, and have been rewarded justly in spirit.

The way I've stumbled upon Rand's fiction by chance makes me contemplate the Butterfly Effect, how a seemingly small factor can lead to a massive chain reaction, such as a butterfly's wing flapping eventually initiating a hurricane. What if I didn't see Rand's book that day when I was out shopping, or didn't purchase it? What if I didn't read Anthony Burgess and became interested in philosophy through him? Maybe I would be an entirely different person, or maybe I would have still become an Objectivist by having the psychological makeup receptive to those ideas. I don't know, but I'm immensely glad I stumbled upon Rand's work when I did because I was intellectually ready for her at the time, and her philosophy has diverted me off a destructive path that would have only grown worse with time. Now these days I'm always concerned with expanding my mind and learning ever more, and with improving my character more and more to match that of what I view to be my ideal self. Life is worth living now. This is my story on how I became an Objectivist.

Weekly Summary # 33

Another week in which I seem to constantly be doing thing, but am at a loss as to where all the time went when I see a considerable amount has been neglected. I've been getting many more hours at work, which is awesome, but I think the biggest time sink this week is the construction of that special article on how I came to be an Objectivist. It's proven to be one of my more difficult projects, as I kept stumbling in my thinking, had several extensive false starts, and got sidetracked often in my brainstorming. For a short time I almost thought about abandoning it since it brought back so many negative memories, but I got it ready to publish for next week, and while I could make it higher quality it's simply too stressful a project to be meticulous about. Overall, this week was not ideal, but minimally satisfying.

Doing a thought record every day as per suggested by Mind Over Mood has been a wonderful idea, as I've had a much firmer control over my thought processes, greater calmness, and greater inner-peace. It might be annoying to do it on some days, but I should keep it a daily habit from now on to ensure that its benefits remain constant.

The list:

1.) Look up nearby clubs and colleges: No, and given my mitigating loneliness I'm thinking about abandoning it. Come a second job I may not have time for anything, and might have satisfying relationships anyhow. I've been much more at ease in being alone lately.

2.) Look up art museum: Done. Plenty close by. Before I go to one, however, I'd like to read a book on how to fully appreciate a work of art.

3.) Read to page 100 of Schulz biography: Irritatingly, no. I got through only two chapters. My biggest peeve with myself lately is my seeming lack of reading, which certainly isn't good for my self-education. Much more effort is need.

4.)Assess what kind of music device I want to save up for: Neglected.

5.) Read to page 50 of Crash Proof: Almost, but not quite.

6.) Finish second set of Charlie Brown comics: Done, and I've rented many more too. I'm really beginning to enjoy Peanuts now, much contrary to my childhood self.

7.) Write rough draft, at least, on how I became an Objectivist and atheist: I actually managed to get it scheduled for next week already. It was frustrating to write not only in its difficulty, but also in the painful memories it brought back. It could be written better, but I'd rather put the subject behind me now.

8.) Write an article for Modern Paleo: Oh! Failed! I forgot about this goal frequently even though I acknowledged it throughout the week, resulting in me running out of time. I'll keep it for next week, however.

9.) Write an article about possible ongoing speech problem: Done. I've decided not to work on my accent, as it seems to be the case that people might be often mistaken for having British accents because they speak clearly, not because they have actual accents. By that count, I'm perfectly content with where I am.

* * * * *

All in all, in addition to some other self-improvement goals I have planned coming up, I'd overall like to push my productivity efforts once again. It seems to do surprisingly well for my pace if I actually rush my walking when traveling, so perhaps I might do well to employ that. I'm still waiting on news about my second job, though am doing well to maintain communication, so I don't know quite what's happening there. My main concern is getting back to optimizing my reading, writing, thinking, and overall accomplishments.

My goals for this week:

1.) Write article for Modern Paleo

2.) Look up "feeling art": There's this art book on how to fully appreciate art that has been praised before, interesting me, but so far I haven't been able to find its title, so I'd like to look for it this week.

3.) Read to page 150 in Schulz biography

4.) Read to page 100 in Crash Proof

5.) Memorize the various muscle groups: Yep, I think it's time for this. As stated before, I've been getting bored with some machines and having trouble in planning my exercise order, so I want to learn the muscle groups by heart so I can avoid exercise routines that would be unproductive.

This feels like a pretty light load of goals for right now, but hey, as of this writing I'm pretty tired. As always, other goals will probably be peppered in mid-week. I want to strive to up my productive pace and render myself more and more capable of taking yet more on. I have quite some interests right now, and only by keeping myself consistently busy can I hope to indulge in those interests as I wish to.

Weekly Summary # 32

A heavily imbalanced week. For whatever reason, I ran into some delays that kept me off track with my blog, so in addition with constructing two posts for Modern Paleo (yet to be published) I spent the majority of my week trying to catch up with my writing, thus pushing out other goals and fatiguing me quite a bit. No regrets, however, for what had to be done had to be done.

The best thing I learned this week is how important it is to keep useful practices habitual, even if it isn't necessary to maintain them habitually for their full benefits. Since I haven't found the need to do thought records every day as detailed in Mind Over Mood I haven't been doing them lately, and that in effect has led to me virtually falling out with the practice. Consequently, I've been very moody early in the weekly period and had trouble resolving my conflicts. I decided then that I would do a thought record in my introspection journal on a routine basis whether I like it or not, and have since experienced an uplift in my being. I might not have anything useful to introspect on everyday . . . but I don't want to fall out of my habit like I did and experience those negative results again. So once I identify such an immensely useful practice as this, I'm going to discipline myself to keep regular in it somehow; with all that I have on my to-do lists, I tend to opt out of doing anything that isn't on my daily goals agenda.

The list:

1.) Construct an outline and rough draft of that one article I neglected: Done, and I got it published too. Originally I wanted to make this much longer and more detailed, but since the series is far from over I thought it didn't quite justify that treatment yet.

2.) Look up nearby colleges and clubs: Not enough time.

3.) Look up art museum: Not enough time.

4.) Read 100 pages of Schulz and Peanuts: Didn't quite make it. It was mostly pushed out by writing, and the negative side-effect of all that effort is that I've been mentally fatigued. However, my reading so far has been giving me insights perhaps worth writing about.

5.) Read the introductions and afterwords of the Peanuts comics I've rented in conjunction with the above biography: Eh, I got the introduction of the first and skipped the afterword, concentrating instead on the interview with Charlies Schulz, and have only gotten to the introduction of the second. As an adult I do find that I'm appreciating the comics more than I did in my childhood.

6.) Assess what kind of music device I want to save up for: Ran out of time.

* * * * *

My work with writing isn't done yet, for ideally I'd like to be several days ahead to give me more time to spare in the day for other activities and be more relaxed in my writing pace, but I should catch up soon. Lately I've been thinking that this blog may be going too far off track its original intention of being dedicated to self-improvement and my life in general, which I also take as a sign I've been relaxing too lazy with a stagnant character lately. I'm thinking about some ventures I ought to take on -- and I've got some ideas, given some happenings and surprise insights -- and am overall thinking about redesigning this blog so that I can publish more varied content and be able to direct my readers to the proper sections, such as through multiple RSS feeds. That'd be a long-term self-improvement venture given the knowledge I'd need to obtain, but I'm thinking about it.

Anyhow, it's possible that I may start my country club job soon, which is very, very good, so this week I'm mainly concerned with catching up with my writing and reading, and getting back on track with my self-improvement.

1.) Look up nearby clubs and colleges

2.) Look up art museum

3.) Read to page 100 of Schulz biography

4.)Assess what kind of music device I want to save up for

5.) Read to page 50 of Crash Proof: I haven't forgotten about our economic problems. It no longer scares or disturbs me to think about it, and I should get to thinking how I'm going to prepare myself for it.

6.) Finish second set of Charlie Brown comics

7.) Write rough draft, at least, on how I became an Objectivist and atheist: Inspired by other people's testimony, I've been thinking about doing this for the past two weeks.

8.) Write an article for Modern Paleo

9.) Write an article about possible ongoing speech problem: I had a surprising insight about my speaking habits this weekly period, which may make for another self-improvement venture.

These past two weeks I've been complaining of feeling as if I'm neglecting something I should be doing, and I think I figured out what it is: self-improving. I can be content with the routine I maintaining now, but I don't feel my true and most happy self unless I know I'm optimizing myself as a person. There's only one life to get it right.

Weekly Summary # 31

This week I noticed I feel very attached to my sensory enrichment experiment, as I felt a very strong craving to go out and be stimulated by new things: A walk through the flowers, new parts of the neighborhood, new stores, and so on. It really does feel good to feed the senses in such a fashion. Could this be why some people like traveling? I hope to continue adding to my repertoire of possible locations to read and walk about in. I should revisit that one nature park in Plano soon, and find an art museum.

Most surprisingly, my loneliness has lost its bite. I still feel a discontent with how my life is conducted right now, but for whatever reason it seems my craving for companionship has calmed down slightly, perhaps through my increased listening of music and other satisfying things. Such will at least stem the pain while I work to do something about it.

From now on I think I ought to work to make these summaries shorter, placing the bulk of the writing on the lists. Given how disparage all the topics are in this post they probably don't attract the readers looking for something specific, so I need to work on making things short and sweet. Quickly then to the list:

1.) Construct an outline for a special piece: Still working on it. At first I had a second thought and went ahead writing the piece thinking I didn't need an outline, but it ended up becoming a garbage draft, so I need to do more thinking about it.

2.) Write an article about the full benefits of my sensory enrichment experiment: Done.

3.) Write an article about that major identification I made about self-improvement: Done.

4.) Construct a blog post for Modern Paleo: Done. It'll probably publish next week, as a moderator is in charge of all submitted material there.

5.) Look up nearby philosophy or culinary clubs; nearby colleges: Neglected.

6.) Finish skimming Alinea: Kind of. The blasted library due date snuck up on me, so I breezed through the images and have added it to my list of books to buy. It's definitely the one of the most interesting cookbooks I've ever seen in my life.

7.) Study up on how to effectively find and use images in articles: Done. And as you can see, I've started incorporating them. I need to learn more about legally using commercial images, however, as right now I'm only using images explicitly available for creative commons purposes.

8.) Finish skimming The Zwilling J. A. Henckels Complete Book of Knife Skills: I decided against it since the library version is so different than the one I saw in the bookstore.

* * * * *

I still have yet to hear from my other employer, so I'm kind of in limbo there. Aside from quelling my loneliness, I also desire to get myself back into culinary training. Mm . . . patience. In the meanwhile I could work on bringing my productivity back up to more efficient levels and whatnot, as I feel I've been goofing around too much lately. My aims for this week are:

1.) Construct outline and rough draft of that one article I neglected

2.) Look up nearby colleges and clubs

3.) Look up art museum: That ought to be a fantastic place for sensory stimulation, no?

4.) Read 100 pages of Schulz and Peanuts: I've been thinking of the comic strip Peanuts on and off for quite some months, so my curiosity has driven me to this book. Is the strip really as good as popularly acclaimed? I strive to find out. I know I still have 100 Voices yet to be finished, but I don't think I'll be able to do so before its due date this week, and so will have to rent it again.

5.) Read the introductions and afterwords of the Peanuts comics I've rented in conjunction with the above biography

6.) Assess what kind of music device I want to save up for: Dish washing is all muscle work, leaving my mind pretty idle. I think I could do well to enhance my performance it my mind weren't pacing around so much trying to find some way to satisfy itself. Come the last minute crunch I could really pump myself up with some intense compositions, so I want to get a device of some kind in order to help enhance my performance and efficiency.

7.) Edit layout of blog: Annoying, but something that should be done. I want to fix how the archives look on the side, so nothing major. I still want to overhaul this whole place, however. Don't think I've forgotten my news years' resolution regarding this.

I said last week that I had some kind of sensation that there's something I should be doing that I'm not and couldn't figure out what it is. I still haven't. Hopefully this week will bring more insight. I suspect I simply want to get into my second job: It's prep work for a country club, so I'm excited.