New Chocolate Website: Capital Bean

I've launched my new website! I'm no web professional, so it's very simple, yet will suit my needs perfectly. It's called Capital Bean and you ought to check it out right now. It'll primarily showcase my chocolate reviews, but I'll also do other things such as discuss politics affecting the chocolate industry, note new products, talk about companies, and so on. The first post is a recycled review I know, but I've got to have something to get it going, and there will be new reviews on Wednesday and Friday.

From now on this is where I'm going to do most of my writing. Musing Aloud is still technically alive, but by and large I'm going to concentrate on my Galt's Gulch project and Capital Bean. I'm doing a much better job isolating my essential values and changing my habits around them.

Hope you'll follow my new location. There's an RSS feed you could use to subscribe in a feed reader or even e-mail, a Facebook application, and my Twitter.

Final Weekly Summary: Ceasing the Blog

You read that right: I intend to make this my final weekly summary, and in addition to that I also plan on ceasing this blog. I won't say "quit" outright because I'm not sure it's that; rather, I'm just breaking myself from the regular commitment to blogging seven days a week or even on a regular basis, and I believe that in time will lead to me ceasing writing here altogether. The reason why I'm doing this is because I'm absolutely in love with my Galt's Gulch project and have realized that it'll require such serious effort and energy that I need to change my habits drastically in order to give it my best dedication. And one such thing I'm giving up is this blog.

I've always said that I did this writing for my own intellectual benefit given how good for the mind writing is, but after evaluating my efforts I see now that I'm not going about it in the most constructive manner possible, which is leading to massive time sinks, struggles, and wasted efforts. My trial to keep this blog updated seven days a week, for instance, is what I see now has been holding back my reading habits, as the writing swallows up my time and reduces my desire to continue productivity thereafter. After making this decision -- which is why I didn't publish an article yesterday -- I felt a weight lift off my mind that led to me reading a humongous amount from my books with near unfettered concentration and a complete absence of guilt.

Galt's Gulch not only demands more of my energy and time than I should be dedicating to blogging, it also provides a very helpful focal point which has given immense clarity to how I should be acting in all areas of my life. Ever since I completed the Project I have been very aimless in my efforts, setting hodge podge goals and acting in every which direction, without any real integrated end in mind. I've probably been stumbling due to my stretching myself in so many ways, and have felt nearly omnipresent discomfort in the prospect that I'm not developing my character for some ultimate goal in mind. Well, Galt's Gulch offers that point to concentrate my routines around, and it provides that ultimate goal to which I'll cultivate my character for. I can't be spending so many hours blogging aimlessly on here when there's so much work and learning to do.

However, I am not abandoning you altogether. I want to keep writing . . . but more about chocolate. The chocolate reviews are by far the most enjoyable pieces I write here, and I probably don't get good views here since the audience is way mismatched. Since my articles by and large aren't about chocolate, it should be a given that my audience by and large isn't here for the chocolate stuff. What a sore injustice I do to my writing. As such, I've purchased a domain and am going to continue blogging more frequently on chocolate at my own website, which will hopefully generate enough income to at least fund a sustaining queue of chocolate to review, which will be my minimum financial goal. Also, I might keep blogging on here, but only as I'm moved: This seven days a week stuff is a real chore! I have one last article in mind, so I can at least promise you that.

I feel a lot better since making this decision since I feel like I'm being rationally productive now. This farm project adds more clarity to what I want to do with my whole life, and in that realization I know better as to what I should be doing to get there. In fact, this project may shape the direction of my life in a way I didn't expect it to, causing me to already begin contemplating 10-20 year plans.

My spirit is aflame with vigor and joy. I don't think I've ever been this excited for anything in my life, and I've never felt aspiration as I do now. When I picked up my first homesteading book I read a huge amount of it with possibly the longest lasting session of intense concentration I have ever held. My mind feels absorbing and all-powerful. In order to pay true justice to this new love of mine, I must readjust myself in a way that keeps my nose on the goal, even if it means making myself scarce to you.

I hope you won't miss me, and that you'll find enjoyment in my upcoming chocolate blog. Heck, I might choose to blog on my project's progress regularly here, but still our company will be less frequent.

After a long delay, here's the list of goals I tackled this week, since this is a weekly summary after all:

1.) Skim Beyond Brawn, I'm Just Here for More Food, and two special books: The two special books in question are The Backyard Homestead and Mini Farming, which I kept secret since I didn't reveal the project then. I browsed everything except I'm Just Here for More Food, and actually got quite a bit of reading done. Having this project seems to have improved my mental powers somehow, as I read better than I ever had since moving to Texas. Maybe the vigor of my spirit is enhancing my intellect?

2.) Read at least one chapter of Culinary Artistry : Yep, and I really enjoyed it. What with all the books I have to read I'm not sure if I'll finish it before it's due, but as preparation I might buy it anyways to have it on hand.

3.) Sketch and brainstorm plans for project: Done. Super fun. I brainstormed things such as what I need to learn, what livestock I want, what produce is appealing to me, what I need to do, and more. I need to order up the chaos a little bit, however.

4.) Go to farmers market: Done, but I have yet to go to the one coming up tomorrow. I didn't get much in the way of talking, but it was still a valuable visit in that I got a lot of fruit samples that helped me consider produce possibilities. I'll go back on a busier day to see if I can talk up someone. There's a guy there who sells pasture-raised meat and raw milk cheese.

5.) Conduct two chocolate tastings and review: Done, and yes, I want to make it a permanent practice. It made me realize just how much I enjoy writing chocolate reviews, so from now on I want to be doing this more often. I'm frightened at the prospect of depleting my queue in a hurry, but I guess that's just a risk I'll have to take to see if I can get some business value out of it.

* * * * *

Since this is the final weekly summary I'm not going to bother sketching new goals out for you to read, though to be sure I will keep up the habit of setting weekly goals for myself, witnesses or not.

Until next time: See you later.

Weekly Summary # 42

A weird week. I've had mixed results with my goals, tackling some, finding it best to drop others, and seeing better pursuits that pushed out still others. The worst thing that happened is that I strangely lost all inspiration to blog, struggling to bring you what pieces I did, though am still uber excited about the chocolate review. Altogether I'm very happy with how this week has gone, as emotionally I feel stronger and stronger in spirit and have been doing extremely well in those essential pursuits, which is what truly matters in the end. I'm still struggling with my reading, but I'm starting the cultivate the bedtime habit of reading by the lamp before sleep instead of browsing the internet or watching shows on Hulu, which has been uniquely comforting.

Most importantly, however, I got a big idea. A big, life-altering idea, the kind that would establish a project to replace the major endeavor that brought me to Texas to begin with. It came to me when thinking about how to achieve my culinary aspirations in such a difficult economic climate as this, and I think I've come across an idea that would be immensely spiritually satisfying and stupendously practical, but I don't want to tell you until I take time to detail it in a single article. If my Project (uppercase P) be a one-year plan, then I'd rate this new endeavor a five to ten year plan. It has me really charged up and excited, so I've got to be working on it soon.

The list:

1.) Study menu for work: Done. To my surprise, it was extremely fun to look at the menu in such intensive detail like this, looking up Wikipedia articles and envisioning myself explaining the dishes to other people. It was so fun that it actually taxed my brain slightly. I still have yet to understand all the terminology, but I've got the gist of it down, though didn't take to remembering it photographically.

2.) Read The Chocolate Tree: Done, but I couldn't finish another full chapter. This book is not only dry, but way out of line in my interests of what I'd like to learn about chocolate. Come to think of it, what IS it that I want to learn about chocolate? Perhaps I should think more intensively as to what I want before I go stumbling around with another book, lest I waste my time with a treatise I can hardly maintain my concentration on.

3.) Read The Science of Chocolate: Failed, but perhaps its current irrelevancy may not make it the best read right now. I don't know.

4.) Research/contemplate ways to constantly try new recipes, techniques, and meal plans: Procrastinated on, but I got an epiphany on this matter as part of that major project I'm envisioning, so I can't really speak my thoughts now.

5.) Perform five conceptual exercises everyday: Yes, but I cheated a little. I did a lot of concepts from my work menu, more than the required five per day, but then I continued my exercises by repeating the exercises with the same concepts to see if I remembered and understood them. Again, the biggest barrier in my keeping up with this habit is having smooth and uncumbersome way to document concepts.

6.) Research how to create RSS feed for chocolate reviews only: Tried and gave up. I seem totally unfit for technological matters. I can recognize how practical and desirable some function might be, but then I'll be overwhelmed with boredom within five minutes of research in trying to learn how to do it on my own. My major hangup probably has to do with the fact I see no long-term application for such knowledge: I'm only trying to learn it for one-time use. Consequently, I'm very emotionally resistant to doing what I view as a lot of work for very little output. I'll either keep contemplating solutions, lazily wait for someone to create a layman application, or give up on it.

* * * * *

As to my reading, I think I may have finally figured out how to accomplish my new year's resolution of reading twenty books on time. My major problem, as I've said before, is that only books I've read cover to cover count towards my goal, but by and large I've learned that most of nonfiction books are more practically read by skimming or only consulting sections of interest, so that's been really holding me back. However, the amazing Sherlock Holmes television series has made me yearn for the book series, so I've been rereading my Holmes novels, though not the anthologies. Since I'm reading those cover to cover, they count towards my goal. As such, I think I can content myself with reading good and pleasurable fiction to satisfy my new year's resolution, while I rely on skimming and isolated reading to make my educated reading more efficient. I'll try it that way, at least.

This week I'd like to dedicate to doing a little research on the requirements of my next big project, but since I want to keep the project a secret until I write about it at length, I also want to keep my goals about it a secret too. Don't worry: All will be told sometime next week, hopefully early on, and you'll know the goals by next weekly summary.

1.) Skim Beyond Brawn, I'm Just Here for More Food, and two special books: The two special books are related to my project, so they're a secret for now. Bodybuilding is another one of my hobbies, so I want to see what Beyond Brawn has to offer in terms of advice; currently Body by Science dictates my thinking and exercise routines. As for I'm Just Here for More Food, I was pleasantly surprised to see an Alton Brown book at my library and picked it up on whim. I miss Good Eats. 

2.) Read at least one chapter of Culinary Artistry : Becoming a Chef was awesome, so I think I should read this sequel too.

3.) Sketch and brainstorm plans for project: Secrets!

4.) Go to farmers market: I'll tell you more later, so more secrets. I'm writing this quite hastily however, so there's the distinct possibility that there may not be any farmers market this week for me to go to, though I know of a good one next Saturday.

5.) Conduct two chocolate tastings and review: An experiment, so don't expect it on a consistent basis. I want to see how you guys would react if I did more of such writing, instead of so infrequently as once a week.

That's all for now. Oh that project has me all a-tingle!

Another New Year's Resolution Down

I may not talk about them much, but I'm still tackling my 2011 new year's resolutions with good energy, just as when I formulated them way back in 2010. During my weekly review (not to be confused with my weekly summaries here) I always check my list of new year's resolutions, so they're never ever forgotten, explaining how I'm so well keeping on them. Recently I've had the pleasure of getting another one down: cooking and eating an entirely grass-fed steak. Well, for cost purposes I compromised with ground beef, but still it's pretty much the same thing given it's muscle meat -- steak -- ground up.

It was delicious. I just went with a simple salt and pepper setup in my patties, and was surprised at how different the meat was. Way more succulent and juicy than conventional grain-fed counterparts, and rather than having a savory meaty taste it was actually quite sweet, had a little tang to it, and was almost buttery. I liked it. I liked it a lot and yearn for more. Hopefully in the future I can get to affording a nice grass-fed pot roast or the likes. If you haven't tried grass-fed, then give it a shot!

I've already had free-range chicken. Though while it wasn't pasture-raised, it did have a very small amount of grain in its diet. However, I have yet to try anything in the realm of pasture pork. If I ever do make myself wealthy I'd like to make this the only meat I eat. Heck, given my culinary aspirations I'd like a giant meat cooler to stock to the brim. But patience and work are needed before that happens.

Also, as you might already know, another new year's resolution has been completed by my purchasing a digital camera to practice food photography with. I regret waiting so long now, as I'm impressed with what satisfying results I'm still able to obtain with my cheap equipment and frugal setup; I thought it'd be much more expensive. In truth, I probably could have gotten a camera near the beginning of this year, as I certainly had the savings set aside for it, but I misjudge the expenses, waited too long, and redirected my savings towards moving to Texas. Oh well: It's here now.

From here in my resolutions, I have yet to try sous vide cooking and one more kind of salt. For the former, I've been intrigued for a while with the concept of precision cooking, but never tried it. When the SousVide Supreme came out some Objectivist friends raved at how wonderful it is, so it's a culinary delight I'm missing out on. For the latter, I made the goal of trying three different kinds of salt and have so far tried two so far, though I don't want to name them right now since one was included in a chocolate bar I have yet to review.

The two goals I'm stumbling on, however, are reading 20 books and writing activism-oriented articles. The former has been difficult in completing since I've not only been having trouble getting to my books, I've also learned it's best to read some books just for isolated, valuable sections, which makes their reading not count towards my goal. However, I think I may have a new strategy: Skim through non-fiction books for valuable parts, for my education, and rely on entertainment books such as great literature to satisfy my cover-to-cover requirements. As for the activism, I'm not sure yet whether I'd say I've failed this goal, because I am being more diligent in posting political articles with my commentary on my social networking profiles and have hardly been keeping quiet about my views. In this case, I'm having trouble with my value hierarchy, as I just don't want to dedicate the amount of time it takes to continuously write long activist articles for newspapers and the like. So far I think I'm doing well.

It might be difficult to make that last push to get all my goals completed before the year is up, but I think most of them can be done. The only one I'm skeptical about is the sous vide cooking, as I don't think it'd be possible for me to arrange a setup given my current cook top access, though maybe I might be able to attend a demonstration or something. We'll see.

I'm proud of myself for sticking to my goals like this, and am already contemplating 2012 plans.

Here It Is!

I got to toy with my camera. Some samples, with yours truly as a model:





I still need to work on getting the most quality I can out of my shootings, but for now I'm pleased with myself. The camera is a Canon PowerShot A3100 IS with 12.1 megapixels. If you click the photos they'll take you to my Flickr account, which will become increasingly more active over the weeks, or you could click/bookmark/whatever this URL: http://www.flickr.com/photos/benpercent/

And one last photo. You know what's inside of it. After that incident with the mouse this is how I store my confections to protect them. What security it is to have it full and hard to lift.



I've already taken some photos for this week's chocolate review, and I have to admit I'm very pleased with the results given my frugal setup. I feel one step closer to making this a professional hobby. Hopefully you're looking as forward to this week's review as I am.

More on My Food Photography

As mentioned in my weekly summary, I finally managed to purchase a camera, which will soon satisfy part of my new year's resolution to practice food photography. I'm pleased by the writing skills I've developed in writing my chocolate reviews, but I've always thought it a severe disadvantage that I haven't been able to post photos of the products. Furthermore, the lack of photos actually hold back the writing itself, as I absurdly have to resort to word descriptions where pictures would be better, and am prevented from using ideal wording by not being able to commentate on a graphical presentation. There's all sorts of other obstacles too, such as awkwardly commenting on the packaging when the linked product either has a different picture or no picture at all. As such, it's high time that I arrive at this point.

The camera is still shipping, but I do at least anticipate being able to use it by next Friday's review, hopefully. Aside from the photos I post on here, I'll also begin establishing a Flickr photostream, where I'll likely maintain a greater variety of photos of a product than presented in the article alone. You'll get links when the time comes.

Of course, my first few weeks might be pretty awkward. I have no experience with photography and have never handled a camera of this caliber. (I'll note the camera type in my About My Chocolate Reviews page when I start using it.) I've been unfruitful in finding a good educational source on photography, particularly for food. The only one on food that I could find assumed entirely a thorough knowledge of photography and instead concentrated on preparing the food. For now, I'm going for trial and error. I'm going to shoot the product atop a white satin pillow case for contrast and adjust my lighting with my OTT-Lite lamp. It might not be the best of practices, but we'll have to wait and see. Besides, I'm not in the sturdiest of finances right now, so I'll work my way up.

Additionally, I'm also considering rereviewing some chocolates I've done in the past. I want to do this not only because the photography ought to enhance them greatly, but also because I want to correct some amateurish mistakes I made in my early days when I wasn't all that skilled in both my tasting and review writing. Some chocolates, I think, are worth revisiting given more trained abilities.

I'm not sure if I'll post any other kind of photography, but I might. For now, my concentration is entirely on my chocolate reviews, though I plan on branching out to photographing my meal preparations as well, once I get to more serious culinary practice.

I'm glad to have reached this point. For a while I was afraid I might never be able to afford to go through with this new year's resolution, but good luck and a good price has helped me see it through. Better still, I've managed to restore my stocks of review fodder, so now I have several months worth of material to keep things steady, whereas I was just down to my last two bars a week ago.

My start may be sloppy, but I'm looking forward to getting to it. Hopefully you find that it makes my chocolate reviews more worthwhile than ever before.

Weekly Summary # 41

My lazy weekend turned out to be a short of vacation week, though with not total laziness. I didn't get to many of my goals, but something good happened which changed my endeavors and shifted my actions, so I am not disappointed. Among other things, I managed to finally order a digital camera, so very soon I'll be able to start practicing food photography and include pictures with my chocolate reviews. Beyond that, even when not directing myself towards my goals I learned a helpful deal about what helps me perform optimally and be my best in spirit, so now I know better how to moderate certain things and conduct myself so as to avoid any pitfalls. Also, I've been getting back into my Sherlock Holmes books, which, while they may not be the object of my reading goals, is a good boost to my reading habits. I'm satisfied in the end.

The list:

1.) Study menu from work: Glanced over it. I had fun looking up some of the terms, but I still need to look into it more deeply. My object is to gain a better understanding of my restaurant's culinary profile and of the food world in general, not remember the items photographically, so I'll need to exert myself again this weekly period.

2.) Perform at least five conceptual exercises per day: Sloppily. Some days I missed, some days I didn't do the required five, and some days I didn't think them through thoroughly. I do want to make this a permanent habit, regardless. I've been reminded how much fun and insightful it can actually be to conduct vocabulary exercises like this: It makes me feel more certain and intelligent a man. Again, my primary problem is not having an efficient and non-hindersome system for documenting words to perform exercises for, as this is what annoys me most and causes me to slack with this practice. For example, when having established a deep concentration in my reading I don't want to be interrupted to write a word down. But again, I'll just have to deal with it and try.

3.) Research/contemplate ways to constantly try new recipes, techniques, and meal plans: Totally forgot. At the very least, my taking culinary matters more seriously has been making me thoughtful as a cook, causing me to get my mind more into my meals and get more out of the process. For instance, I recently learned that adding salt has been what's making my sauteed mushrooms leak that horrible gray water, and now I feel foolish for having done it for so many months when a little research and a thought could have corrected me. More thinking must be done, nonetheless.

4.) Read three chapters of The Chocolate Tree: Nope! Shoved out for Sherlock Holmes.

5.) Research how to create RSS feed for chocolate reviews only: Neglected.

6.) Do Mental Calvinball during every working shift: I tried doing it for part of my shift last Saturday, but I was surprised to find how much my mind rebelled and held back my efforts. Just as I began counting I felt a tremendous urge to think about other matters, making me utterly distracted, and the counting itself slowed me down obscenely, something that didn't happen the first time I tried the technique. I had to give it up because it was making me too inefficient and uncomfortable. I wonder in what way I may have changed that makes this technique so unpalatable now, whereas I performed with it just fine before.

But truth be told, I think I've discovered my poor work ethic to be rooted in other difficulties, which I think I have identified and can now remedy. I'll try those and abandon this. However, Mental Calvinball still exists in my practices, for I use my stopwatch religiously to time myself during certain tasks.

* * * * *

I anticipate that I'll start being able to include photos with my chocolate reviews by next week's contribution, but I'm not sure if it'll arrive on time. Hopefully I'll be able to publish on time as usual, but if not, I may delay the review or push it back a week altogether. I'll do my best to respond to however things may roll.

Since I've drop the ball utterly on my last goals in favor of other things, I guess I should try again, eh?

1.) Study menu from work: My goal is to be able to understand every concept.

2.) Perform at least five conceptual exercises per day

3.) Research/contemplate ways to constantly try new recipes, techniques, and meal plans

4.) Read The Chocolate Tree, The Science of Chocolate, and other book from library: I don't have any definite goals since I want to leave myself flexible for the arrival of the camera -- I've got to read the instructions, tinker with it, and play with it, you know? It'll make the review process longer, but more worthwhile. I hope I can become respectable enough that companies actually view me as worthwhile to send samples to. That I'd consider a major accomplishment.

5.) Research how to create RSS feed for chocolate reviews only: Given the mix of content of this blog, I want to find some way to cater directly to those who only want my chocolate writings and reviews.

That's it for now. Here's to striving for a productive week.

Things Worth Living For and Harmful Beliefs

Let's talk about the economic collapse again . . . oh don't click away, it's about more good stuff I promise. As disturbing as it might be, it looks like we may have finally reached the tipping point with the debt limit. I'm not so sure that anything significant, political or economically, will actually happen on August 2nd given that apparently the debt ceiling limit was once predicted to be hit on May 15th, but still: It's probably coming soon. A few days, weeks, or maybe even a scant few months, but I sense it'll hardly be delayed beyond half a year. The U.S. must default since we're not actually engaged in paying back the loans with actual produced value, so hopefully it can be gotten over with as soon as possible rather than trying to delay it with some kind of ceiling increase, because delaying matters will only make things worse.

Even though I'm optimistic about the culture in the long-run -- that most of us have a good future to look forward to in our lifetimes -- I do confess that even I get depressed about the short-term. Even with good evidence of something to look forward to, the pain we have to anticipate and experience yet is still discomforting. On my side, I thought I had more time to prepare . . . to establish and protect my savings by converting to another currency, and to get a backup supply of food for emergencies, but it seems that it may not be so, so I'll have to rely on my abilities to respond to matters. Sometimes I get so distraught I break from my usual pursuits and concentrate on art and values to soothe my soul, such as heroic television and chocolate. But lately I think I've figured out two strategies that may not only assist with bearing the bad times, but in also establishing a stronger moral endurance to persist through disaster in the longer term, so as to maintain resolve to fight for, earn, and achieve a good future.

The temporary measure I've thought of in treating short-term disappointment, aside from engaging in immediate values such as favored fiction, is to write out a list of things worth living for. It's like counting your blessings, only instead of concentrating on what you have, though that isn't a bad idea either, it's about concentrating on the good things that compose life, are achievable (even if not presently), and are worth waiting for if bad times are to arrive before gaining them. It's easy to think that sometimes when you lose values that you've lost everything and that nothing else is worth pursuing, so I'd suggest getting a piece (or several) of paper and writing down almost every single thing, literally, that you can think of that you enjoy in life, whether it be high things such as a satisfying career or published articles in prestigious publications, or minor things like pomegranate-blueberry jam on waffles and sleeping well. By listing out every single thing you enjoy about life it helps keep in memory and remind that there is a great wealth of things that compose and nurture a fulfilling life, and that the loss of even a great many things still leaves plenty leftover, in our present times, to spiritually fuel us. Beyond that, it can also help steel resolve by showing what wealth is *possible* in life and worth fighting for. In my distressed moments I try to remember every little pleasure I have, and in combination I feel a gush of enthusiasm to live and work, and am once again burning with resolve for activism. I haven't written my own list yet, but have plans to. The essence to the comfort, I think, is in the writing, so write a fresh list every time you need the method rather than consulting an old one, and write as much as you possibly can.

The second, more long-term solution I've thought of is to identify and address false or erroneous beliefs that underlie your sense of life, or the theme of your constant emotions. I've noticed in my own situation that I've adopted some mistaken beliefs that has rendered me more sensitive to the nature of our cultural and economic problems, and has been harming my resolve to continue being a capitalist advocate. For example -- though this is a small one -- I've been assuming that some values might be destroyed and never ever obtainable again, and it has been given me bad urges to hedonistically enjoy myself now in anticipation of reduced happiness in the future. For instance, sooner or later I want to read the original Dragon Ball Z comic books since I enjoy the show so much, but I recognize that in a poor economy I may not only not be able to afford it, it may also be taken off shelves and put out of print, and perhaps be unobtainable for some years. That would be disappointing, but my wordless assumption has made me believe that it'll somehow be destroyed and never seen again, which I see now as foolish. If I have judged the situation objectively and we do have a good future to behold, then things like that are likely to come back, for would they burn the manuscript? Even Aristotle's works survived the worst of times, the dark ages. The same goes for other things, like video games and movies, foods, and so on. They'll just go away for awhile, and be worth waiting for.

As such, I think it'll be important to long-term health to identify and address beliefs that may have been formed and are hindering you about our upcoming economic problems. For that, I recommend Mind Over Mood. It not only provides a helpful guide to dealing with difficult emotions in the moment, but also to identify the beliefs that underlie a constant emotion. I myself am beginning to feel better after identifying the particular beliefs that provoke my anxiety and nip my motivation at times, and am becoming a stronger, calmer, and more patience person even as times worsen.

To date I maintain the same exact optimism I explicated two years ago about the state of the culture. Victory hasn't been sealed yet, but there's chance of it, so aside from keeping up the good fight I think it's important to make an effort to steel ourselves against the rough times -- which may last over a decade -- in the transition there.

Keep living.

Weekly Summary # 40

A very good week. I managed to either complete or tackle all my goals, and have gotten a significant amount done, though have been considerably down due to financial concerns. I'm doing well to identify other goals for self-improvement and what else I'd like to achieve, so things have been fruitful introspectively as well. Correcting my sleep habits has also been a massive help, as I had no days where I felt too tired to do anything.

The list:

1.) Read The Chocolate Tree and The Objective Standard: I got through one chapter of the former and finished the latter to my satisfaction, all while using the "scribble-book" and "everything I know" method. I feel richer and more content. The chocolate history book is a rather mixed read, bouncing from being engaging and dry, but I think it's worthwhile to stick to til end.

2.) Practice tossing pizza with wash cloth, for three half-hour sessions: Done. I think I've just about mastered the simple toss and catch, but keep messing up the passing from hand to hand. I think on that last I'll just have to pick up a piece of dough and see how it differs from a thin cloth. I ought to keep practicing, but now I'd rather wait until I get some real dough in my hands so that the physics will be proper for real-life. A wet wash cloth can only simulate dough so far.

3.) Brainstorm list of traits for ideal self:. Started thinking about it, at least. In the end I think it might be silly to just sit and write a concrete-bound list of ideal traits. Instead -- as I've already have -- I should concentrate on adhering to ideal principles and allow those to be my guide to establishing ideal behaviors and practices as I come across situations and am forced to think.

4.) Research ways to play DVDs on computer: Tried and toyed around, and gave up again. I'm tired of this problem. I can get my programs to at least load the DVD up, but then the audio and video plays in a choppy fashion, and the amount of reading to do for potential solutions just makes me want to give up. Perhaps I'll revisit it later on, but the frustration itself has actually quelled any desire to want to play DVDs on my computer.

5.) Optimize computer and browser: Done to satisfaction. I found neat little tricks such as pipelining Firefox, making the start menu respond faster, and so on.

* * * * *

Aside from doing well to attack my goals, I've also found that taking a more serious approach to cooking has enlivened my practices again and made me more of the process, leading to me being more thoughtful and even discovering problems with past practices. As such, I feel more and more eager to enhance my study efforts, and this intriguing article on how intense concentration changes the brain steels my resolution even more. This week I'd like to continue working on making myself into a more serious and voracious reader, increasing both the amount of reading I do and the benefit I derive.

1.) Study menu from work: I feel foolish for having not done so before. If I am to be serious about my work, then I need a more intricate knowledge of what foods I participate in the creation of, even though I'm quite removed from the process (given I'm a dish washer).

2.) Perform at least five conceptual exercises per day: It's hard to link to any one post where I describe this process since it's been edited various times, so I'll summarize it as philosophical vocabulary exercises, where I take to not only learn a word, but to ground its meaning in reality, establish conceptual chains, and nurture certainty. I know I vowed to make it a permanent practice in the past before. The reason why I keep slipping is because it's such a darn nuisance to document words to perform exercises for, though the exercises themselves aren't annoying. If I found a faster way to hurry up and document words for later reference then it'd be an easier habit to maintain, but for now I guess I'll just have to be disciplined. This goal will especially help in understanding my restaurant's menu.

3.) Research/contemplate ways to constantly try new recipes, techniques, and meal plans: Part of my efforts to hone my cooking skills. I still need to find a good way to keep myself trying new recipes, techniques, and whatnot on a regular basis. I've already made small resolutions such as referencing my knife book each time I get my big knives out, but more thinking is needed.

4.) Read three chapters of The Chocolate Tree

5.) Research how to create RSS feed for chocolate reviews only: I've often wondered if there's a way to create an RSS feed solely for my chocolate reviews. I'm nowhere near satisfied with the views they get.

6.) Do Mental Calvinball during every working shift: It's time to bring back the counting game for dishes, I think. I've been sorely disappointed in my efforts at work lately. I keep up with strict consistency my use of a stopwatch, but I haven't used the counting method in several months. It's time to bring it back to see what benefits I can wring out of it.

* * * * *

I have to confess that as a blog author I've been feeling rather impotent lately. It seems that I've been putting out more and more mediocre pieces, though have no thoughts on how to improve my writing habits at the moment. And to tell the truth I'm not all that worried about it, as my concentration is where it matters: On pursuing my dreams.

Well, time to get back to it.

Weekly Summary # 39

It was a salvaged week, I'll say at the least. Things for the most part didn't go the way I'd liked, and my performance was overall subpar and lacking due to those sleep issues I mentioned, but still I managed to pull myself together enough to bring things to a satisfying enough conclusion. Those sleep issues must have a nutritional cause, as I went to bed on time and utilized my orange safety glasses, and still I suffered poor quality sleep despite adequate hours. Perhaps I ought to buy some nuts to satisfy my mineral requirements.

Anyhow, while I did attack my other goals regularly, I'm still very disappointed with the effort I put forth in my reading. I read but one section I had already started in The Chocolate Tree, and unfortunately I had to return The Science of Chocolate and Crash Proof before I got to them. For everything else, the list:

1.) Read The Science of Chocolate, The Chocolate Tree, Crash Proof, and spring issue of The Objective Standard: I got through a section of The Chocolate Tree, but failed to touch TOS and had to return Crash Proof and The Science of Chocolate. I'm partially satisfied, but more effort is needed. I've submitted a request for SOC again, but I think I'll let CP go for now since I don't have any money to do anything with right now. I'll worry more about economic protection once I actually have wealth to protect.

2.) Practice tossing pizza with clothes at home for three half-hour sessions: Only got in one session, but still had remarkable progress on my technique. My boss actually allowed me to take a wash cloth home from work -- the workplace ones being ideal for this type of practice -- and have gotten quite good at tossing and catching properly, but need to practice more on passing from hand to hand. Eventually I'd like to reach the point that I can spin the wash cloth on my hand. One of my coworkers does that everyday.

3.) Experiment with "scribble book" while reading: Yes, concurrently with the reading of The Chocolate Tree. Once again, this "scribble book" I speak of is just a notebook for me to write rough notes in, for which I have no intention of referencing: The intellectual assistance is in the writing itself. I need to work on my skill of what to write and how to write it, but I found it did help greatly in nurturing an engrossing concentration. I'll aim to utilize this technique every time I do reading for intellectual benefit. For books I mean; if I did it for everything I read online, my time would surely be swallowed up.

4.) Optimize computer: My layman familiarity with computer technology has prevented me from establishing concrete goals in this realm, but I got some considerable things done which have satisfied me. Mainly I want to make my computer faster, but I did other things too. For example, I installed Granola, stopped some startup programs to enhance booting, switched to a barebones graphic interface on my OS, created more ActiveWords, went on a massive uninstalling spree, and more. I'm pleased with myself for having gotten this much accomplished. However, there's some other things I can think to do, so I want to keep this up as a general, at-will project for the following week to see if even more improvements can be made.

5.) Research ways to play DVDs on computer: This glitching of my system still irritates me. For some odd reason my computer views DVDs files in its components, not as an integrated whole, so I can't play them. Thanks to this, a craving to watch my favorite movie, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, has gone unsatisfied. I pretty much just ran out of time for this.

6.) Brainstorm traits of ideal self: Forgot.

7.) Tell three people at work a good thing about my day each shift: I talked about this mid-week resolution earlier. It went stupendously well. While it may have been awkward to initiate such confrontations, it felt good to start my working shifts on such a good note, and to my surprise it did help greatly in making me feel more comfortable in sharing other aspects about myself, such as my chocolate connoisseurship, chocolate reviews, and Paleo diet. I intend to keep this as a regular practice. I failed to complete this goal by forgetting to tell a single person, but that's alright.

* * * * *

The best thing about this week is that, like last week, it has served well to demonstrate what a positive change I've made in my thinking habits. My anxiety and whatnot weren't as intense this week -- they're probably still present due to that sleep + nutrition issue -- but I did have some particularly bad moments. During those moments I never lost sight of my rational conclusions, kept recognizing that only my evaluation of the facts has changed, keep pushing forth with my responsibilities, and so on. In other words, unlike in the past, these negative emotions didn't get the better me, and my automatic response was keep an objective view on matters. I'm proud of the progress.

For this week I'd like to take another shot at putting more emphasis on my neglected reading, and to put more effort into improving my skills for work:

1.) Read The Chocolate Tree and The Objective Standard: I aim to read as much of the former book as possible and to finish my spring issue of the latter, utilizing the "scribble" book throughout.

2.) Practice tossing pizza with wash cloth, for three half-hour sessions

3.) Brainstorm list of traits for ideal self: I think concretizing my ideal traits would help in formulating specific goals to achieving them.

4.) Research ways to play DVDs on computer

5.) Optimize computer and browser: I'm writing this out as a general goal since there's multiple directions I could take, but I do at least have the specific goals of enhancing my boot-up time and making Firefox go faster. Maybe there will be others. We'll see.

This is it for now. Outside of my goals I've got to do some thinking about my career and pursue some solutions to my financial problems. I'll definitely be working on those sleep issues too, and hopefully will finally put myself in a state of mind to seize matters, but whatever happens: I'll push through.

Lessons Trice Learned

One thing I admit to be embarrassed, even guilty about are those incidents in which I learn a lesson but don't take to employing it until I learn it multiple more times. With integrity I think I ought to have to go through the experience only once to learn how to properly conduct myself, but I guess reality must demonstrate itself several times for it to sink it.

Namely, this week I've been learning how important it is for me to maintain a regular bedtime. As much as I'd like to stay up until 1 AM, I've been discovering what a negative impact such a practice has, a cost that far outweighs its hedonistic benefit. It's utterly impossible for me to sleep in, for once a certain time frame passes (about nine AM) my body won't let me sleep any longer, no matter how exhausted I am when I wake up. Consequently I've got to adapt my bedtime to adjust to my body-imposed wake-up time. I've kept a regular bedtime in the past, but all too slowly and soon do I make allowances that undoes the habit.

And what do I lose? It drastically undermines my mood for the entire day, for one. Intellectually I feel as if my powers have been reduce, I'm more sensitive to negative matters, it slows down my recovery from workouts, and more. A lack of good quality sleep may explain why my emotions have been so haywire last week as I mentioned in my weekly summary, and it may also explain why I've been so disappointed with my progress at the gym.

The most difficult thing is that this is a lesson I've learned before. Surely I have experienced all these consequences before, and surely I have resolved to impose a more uncompromising bedtime in response. I stick to my resolution . . . and then slip. Well, I didn't slip much this time, for I have been doing well to go to bed around 12:30 AM as I set myself to, but my main failure has been to recognize that that has been inadequate.

There are probably other examples in my life where this phenomenon applies, but in my sleep-deprived state (natch) I find it difficult to be able to recall any more. But how ever many times I experience the consequence of a lesson neglected to be used, there's always the chance to take the next day to right it. It's not a devastating failure after all, just something that can improve my life that I should use to improve my life. As such, I'll take to adjusting my habits again to go to bed by midnight at worst and to put on my orange safety glasses after 10 PM unless at work. (The safety glasses help promote melatonin production, a sleep hormone.)

I should know better, but there's always another day to improve and make things better.

Being a Friend Repeatedly

I guess that article I posted about my life-guiding quotes was very timely, as I think rereading them has helped me realize why I'm feel discontent about my behavior regarding my lovability pursuits. As you might know, in order to cultivate more fulfilling relationships I've been working hodge-podge on nurturing a lovable self, which is mainly focused on obtaining my ideal self, where an ideal form of treating people is only a natural attribute. My reason is because I've had bad relationships with people in general throughout my life, so to better pursue my happiness I think I need to address some bad premises and habits adopted over the years.

The quote that made me realize where I'm going wrong is Aristotle's: "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit." After citing that I realized that in various concrete forms I do have a clear picture in my mind as to what my ideal self would be like, and have been feeling shame and guilt in noticing that I've either been lazy in constructing goals or have been unjustifiably derailing myself from desirable habits, such as ignoring a hurt friend rather than inquiring about their well-being. In other words, repeatedly, I am not striving towards my ideals.

The thing that has been bothering me in particular is my lack of openness. Even with the coworkers I've known for months now I am considerably a tightly private person, uncomfortable with even sharing that I'm a chocolate connoisseur who writes reviews. In order to construct and strengthen bridges some amount of personal sharing is necessary, so my semi-reclusiveness has been making it so I can only maintain kite strings along the river bank.

My hesitancy is due to not only the age-old fear or being rejected or witnessing hostility (as I had in my youth, to unpredictable things), but also to the age-old fallacy of expecting things to just happen. In my failure to introspect and notice, I've just been waiting around being with people with the expectation that it will somehow strengthen our bond as time passes, much like how a wine only needs to sit around to age. I am more friendly with my coworkers than when I started, but there still tends to be a lot of tension due to my withholding so much of myself.

And it's silly, now that I think of it, to be afraid, for I have little to fear from the people I know. Besides -- and most importantly -- the fear quickly goes away as I force myself to action and expose myself to discomfort. It's like jumping into a cold lake: The anticipation might be terrible and the temperature shock rather frightening, but once your body temperature adjusts it's no challenge at all. By making myself more open during the first few instances, I'll quickly set myself along the path that it'll become my natural deposition, and I'll no longer feel such discomfort ever again. Out of the millions of steps I can take in this direction, it is only the first few that will be uncomfortable.

I have empirical evidence too. One way or another, religion came up at work one day. It wasn't a very deep conversation, but it somehow came to question as to what my religious beliefs were, and with only a touch of discomfort I admitted that I was an atheist. Throughout it remained a friendly confrontation that has affected none of my relationships at my workplace for the negative. Now everyone knows a personal religious belief of mine, that I believe gods don't exist, and have suffered none for it. It was uncomfortable to begin pronouncing the first words of those sentences, but once into the paragraph I was at total ease.

To help myself more open and less shy I think I need to create more situations like this, so I'm thinking about pursuing a rather weird goal: Every day I go into work, I must tell at least three people one good thing that has occurred to me recently. Yes, bizarre, but appreciative on multiple levels I think. For one, it brightens up the atmosphere by opening daily confrontations with a talk about values. Secondly, it helps avoid those monotonous, meaningless greetings people tend to say by rote and hardly notice when they say it. It freshens up conversations, brings values more strongly into play, and assists in bonding, all in one. Starting today, I'll resolve to complete this goal every working shift I do and report the results on my weekly summary.

But still, to aid in the construction of goals to instill other habits I should take a shot at writing down a list of traits I view as essential to my conception of an ideal self. I think I might have tried that before, but then again if I did I think the slip of paper would be out and visible, so maybe I didn't. I'll undertake to attempt such brainstorming this week and share the results once I think I have a succinct list formed.

It's satisfying to me to have figured out what was bothering me about my lovability pursuits, but this is only one step in many needed. It's a challenge I look forward to, nonetheless: Happiness is worth it.

Quotes That Guide My Life

Everyone, in some form or another, appreciates a good quote. A quote becomes appealing when it condenses down the essentials of the views of someone holds, allowing them to hold in their mind very pregnant ideas in a very economical form. While, as par the norm, people tend to appreciate quotes as they come by them, I've been making an effort for a very long time to decide upon which quotes are most essential to the way I view how life should be lived. At one point I even took to collecting quotes and writing them all over the place to serve as constant reminders and inspiration, but I wrote down so much that appealed to me that the writing became too great to keep track of or check on a regular basis, so from there I struggled to pare down the list to the bare essentials that drive my being. I think I finally reached that point, and would like to share that list in hopes of inspiring you to comment with yours, and perhaps motivate you to decide upon your essential favorites.

So here are my top four favorite quotes in reverse order of personal importance, which I consider to be the driving force behind everything I do. Those with asterisks might be paraphrased, not exact quotes.

4.) * "Do something you would do for free and someone will pay you well for it." - Mary Kay

This has molded my view on my career. Certainly I'm greedy and would like to make a lot of money, even become filthy rich one day, but this quote helps me keep in mind what is the most fulfilling and practical route to riches. To become materialistically wealthy should not be my aim. It shouldn't even really be on my mind. My emphasis should be on becoming the best I can possibly be in the career field I love and have chosen to dedicate myself to for life. The material rewards I reap should not be sought after, but rather be a natural consequence to how well I've done to cultivate my skills and be the best I can be.


The culinary profession isn't a high-paying profession by its nature, but I'm not worried about that. My ultimate aim is still not totally clear at this point, but I'm thinking about taking an ultimately intellectual and entrepreneurial route in my career, for which training as a chef will assist me in that matter. If I want to make a million, or even a billion dollars, then my concern is becoming worth that as a person, not directly pursuing it.

I do well at my job because I love it, even as a mere dish washer . . . not become I'm chasing dollars. The payment is the consequence and reward, not the goal.

3.) "Judge, and prepare to be judged." - Unknown

While growing up, passing moral judgment was inexplicably avoided and done with extreme inaccuracy when practiced on occasion. When giving praise my elders would often detach their compliments from the known facts of reality and give statements that were totally unbelievable and false, and any vices and immorality often went unacknowledged and ignored, leaving people to suffer endlessly in relationships they refused to acknowledge were rotten. I never consciously avoided moral judgment, but my inability to make precise judgments in my youth led to me having terrible relationships with other people all the time, continuing associations that should have been terminated promptly, and having malformed estimates of myself due to bad standards of judgment. I suffered greatly due to not having good thinking methods for judgment.

Once I learned how to pass objective moral judgment, my relationships improved dramatically, as I knew better which people were worth associating with and who should be cut off from contact, and underwent a drastic self-improvement spree once I identified the standards I wanted to strive to and starting holding myself responsible for my habits. I continue my self-improvement endeavors to this day since I hold myself to the same moral standards which I use to judge other people I interact with. My life has become infinitely better because of that.

This quote keeps in mind three things: That it's important to judge others (lest you suffer bad associations), that it's a logical corollary to submit yourself to others' judgment (so that you become comfortable with your public status and make changes where appropriate), and that you, most importantly, judge yourself. Doing this has helped me treat people with objective consistency based on their deserts, feel comfortable on hearing others' views about myself, and evaluate myself when trying to determine where I'm pursuing my ideals or need to make changes.

2.) "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle

This one is important to me more for moral reasons rather than, say, the optimization of talent. Building upon the last quote, another problem in my youth is that people often judged each other on the basis of isolated and rare incidents, often in the face of consistent evidence that flagrantly proved that things were otherwise. For instance, some people would take a consistently angry and malicious person and characterize them as happy and benevolent on the basis of one act or incident that made them feel good, such as observing them smiling once or doing a single good deed, despite the fact that 99 times out of a 100 that same person would act to the contrary. It's like these people were pretending the other 99 times didn't exist. As a result, once again, many bad relationships were continued even though they were generally and consistently bad, all because on seldom occasion things would be "good." You need to judge people on their consistent behavior if you want things to consistently be good, not the other way around.

Furthermore, this quote also emphasizes to me that it's most important to judge a person by their acts, not their intentions or emotions. Have all the good intentions you want: It's not going to qualify you as having a heart made out of gold unless you perform the deeds to match them. I've seen some truly awful persons characterized as practically saints all because they had good intentions on occasion, even if they did nothing in practice to put their intentions in action, and building on the above paragraph this would again be another thing which would be very rare and seldom to a particular person, thereby being an obscene dropping of the context.

In comparing practices with preaching it is the actions that ultimately matter more, if one were to weigh them in isolation, but it totality it is of course how a person's actions match up with their preaching that matters most. In this case I've even seen terrible hypocrites judged as good even as they seldom, even rarely or never practiced their stated ideas, all because they preached the right things. What a detachment from reality!

This quote has helped me be more patient and meticulous in how I judge people, and helps me make sure I'm keeping the entire context of their being and am paying attention to and weighing the right things. Unless a person has done something unforgivably bad, I try to avoid hinging my estimate of someone on the basis of an isolated incident, and use my memory to full advantage to collect and store incidents that I believe give indication of someone's moral status, and use the pieces to form a coherent picture which I'll use to form a moral judgment. But even after forming the judgment I still try to keep it open-ended to continue adding pieces of evidence which will either intensify my estimate of someone (such as by observing repeated virtue by a person I view as good) or cause me to change my estimate if the pieces of evidence start tilting the scales the other way, such as a virtuous person repeatedly indulging in moral failings or a bad person consistently working towards redemption. It keeps my relationships in a semi-fluid state to better enable me to treat people according to their deserts, depending on the totality of the context of their being I have observed.

And, of course, I hold myself to that same standard. It helps keep me straight and avoid making the justification that certain things are an exception to the rule of my being. For instance, if I'm exhausted and take a day off from my efforts to rest, then I'll judge it as a deserved exception to my usual strivings. However, if I chose to rest and laze about for three days in a row, then I'll judge that I'm dangerously close to becoming a lazy person in nature and will make the appropriate corrections.

1.) "A giant is as a giant does." - Rod Serling, from the Twilight Zone episode *Last Night of a Jockey*

Almost as soon as I heard it it became my favorite quote of all time. Anywhere I can post a quote online, like in my e-mail signature, this is always the one I choose, and I read it virtually everyday, never forgetting it. It's very similar to the last Aristotle quote, only I like this one for its emphasis on substance.

Another difficulty in my childhood is how concerned everyone was with appearances, most often in total divorce of substance. For instance, people around me were more concerned with looking happy to other people rather than cultivating an actual life of contentment, and knowing them in private I learned that their smiles were mere muscle flexing, as inwardly they lived a stale and discontent, and even downright miserable existence.

And what reward do they get for focusing so much on appearance, on how they look to others? Nothing. No spiritual contentment, material satisfaction, healthy relationships . . . jack squat. This obsession with appearance was only to ease the discomfort they felt in being seen by other people, and avoiding discomfort and pain is not the same as gaining inner peace and happiness.

Plus, this episode of the Twilight Zone shows how an obsession with appearances can actually ruin oneself. (SPOILERS) In it, a jockey (a horse racer) gets permanently discharged from his beloved profession and has to cope with not being able to engage in it ever again. A spiritual entity within him starts speaking to him and offers him a wish as his last possible resort to rising up and living a good life. The jocky wishes to be big, and the entity makes him into a literal giant. The jocky then goes into a kind of euphoric ramble about how amazed people will be by his size and how he'll be admired. He calls a girl up to ask her out on a date, but she turns him down even as he frantically boasts about how "big" he is. He's irritated until he suddenly gets a call from the jocky club, learning that they've decided to give him one more chance. He's relieved that he gets another chance at his beloved profession, but after the spiritual entity taunts him he quickly realizes that he's too big -- he can't fit into his clothes, sit on a horse, get out the door . . . his concern with altering his physical stature, his appearance, lead to him ruining his life because he thought greatness meant looking great to others, not being great. His concern with appearance over substance made him sacrifice his only chance at a fulfilling life. (/SPOILERS) 

And that's what I've observed with other people in my life too. People concerned more with how they look rather than how they are have given up the values they most wanted to achieve, all for the empty gain of receiving approval from others. The people I've observed that have lived this way have led lives with empty relationships, mediocre careers, undeveloped talents, shallow romances, and so on.

This quote keeps me concentrating on what the actual value of my efforts and practices are in regards to pursuing my goals, rather than how people perceive them and in spite of their disapproval. Deeper still, it keeps me focused on living a life of substance, of being a good person rather than trying to look like one, of cultivating my mind rather than sounding intelligent, of being authentically respectful rather than using fake manners, and more. The quote continues to help even beyond this, such as by helping me judge whether a practice is really beneficial to my life (e.g. a study technique), how deeply I value a particular person, if the entire context of my habits lines up with my ideals, and endlessly on. It's been a way long time since I've last seen this TZ episode, but I do own it on DVD and should watch it again soon, and probably won't ever forget it. I anticipate I'll be holding onto these words for the rest of my life. If I want to be a great person, then the substance of what I do needs to be great. We are what we do. A giant is as a giant does.

* * * * *

These are the quotes that have the strongest influence in my life and in the molding of my being. It took an extremely long time to get to the point I could pare down my list to this, but it helps me in every single facet of my life, from how I treat people, how I exert myself at work, how I utilize my free time, how I judge myself, etc.

However, I'd like to have for a top five. One thing I don't think I keep in mind often enough is how finite my time is here on earth. You and I are probably not going to live forever. Am I living as richly as I could and making the best use of the limited minutes I have alive, however many billions of them? I'd like to have a quote that essentializes how preciously finite life is, but haven't seen any. Could my readers suggest one?

While we're at it, what are your favorite quotes? And I'm not asking for a hodge podge list either: what are the quotes that really mean something to you? That may guide your life as the above four guide mine?

Maybe once I do gather a top five I'll print and laminate them, so that I may read them everyday.      

Weekly Summary # 38

Both an atrocious and good week. As part of a personal goal of leading a richer life -- I haven't written on that -- I enjoyed immensely some city fireworks on the third, but from there on I fell into a terrible funk that lasted most of the week. I felt plainly sad and disinterested in life, had my anxiety set on high, and couldn't figure out why. I think it was ultimately biochemical in cause given the funk was alleviated with some strenuous physical work, going for a walk, and eating something good, but it still lasted way longer than wanted. On Monday I watched a show after work to get rid of the gloom and ended up strangely exhausted afterwards, forcing me to rest the remainder of the evening. Tuesday was pretty wasted too, and on Wednesday I felt exhausted again and took a super long nap before work. Thursday I was so behind on things I just didn't bother. Awful.

On the other hand, the positive thing is that none of this transferred to my work. If anything my ambition and effort increased at work, where I continued to enhance my performance and find new ways to improve myself. While dropping the balls at home I did better and better at my job, something to be proud of. I guess because I like my job so much, since I'm engaged in my career after all, I couldn't help but feel better and more resolved once getting into a shift.

And on the sunnier side still, I'm proud that I at least took constructive action towards remedying my funk rather than letting it be. I kept up my introspective writing habits and paid attention to my needs, so while it's unfortunate that so much time was wasted I did what I could. The funk seems to have gone, and hopefully it stays gone.

The list:

1.) Try hand at creating banner: Done, the results being visible right on top. Even with its simplicity it still took more time than I wished it would, but still: That's another new year's resolution down.

2.) Read The Science of Chocolate, The Chocolate Tree, Crash Proof, and spring issue of The Objective Standard: Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. Totally failed. While tackling other things these got severely neglected. Matters were especially difficult when I felt that mysterious exhaustion, which rendered me hardly able to intellectually guide my processes.

3.) Experiment with "scribble" book for reading: Since I did little other reading than of the Charlie Brown books I've rented this one has been neglected too.

4.) Practice tossing pizza with clothes at home: Only a little bit, but not enough to consider it a goal completed. I picked up a few articles of clothing to see how they might act given the techniques I've observed, and so far I'm not so sure I can find a dough substitute in my home, though I need to look more thoroughly.

5.) Tidy up room: Done to my satisfaction. While a more thorough clean up could be done, my primary concern is to make for a neater appearance, give some knickknacks designated spots, and give me additional surfaces to write and read on, and I accomplished that. I shouldn't ignore that other cleaning needs to be done too. (. . . Look at the dust on that ceiling fan . . . )


* * * * *

Judging my life as a whole, in the contexts of private improvement (studying, writing, etc.), character development (i.e. lovability), and work status, I think I've achieved the ideal strivings and attitude for my workplace endeavors while more work needs to be done for my character and private improvement.

At work I consider my efforts admirable. This week I finally managed to stumble upon a sign protector at the grocery store, which I need to protect the lists I create to enhance my productivity from the dish washing machine I place it on top of. Additionally, I've been doing an excellent job in maintaining my usage of a stopwatch to time myself during various activities, which has been giving me a real kick in the pants in regards to my exertions. I used these two methods to great advantage in my last job in Michigan, so to finally bringing them back has been jump starting my creativity on further personal innovations I could make to enhance my efforts. My job is going super well.

I don't have much to comment upon at the moment regarding my disappointment in my lovability pursuits, but immediately before me is how far I've derailed myself from pursuing my ideals habits. Namely, I want to cultivate a lifestyle that instills a voracious intellectual attitude as I had cultivated years before in my private studies and have since lost. Now I hardly even read. What's up with that? It's no good.

So for this week I'd like to exert myself in rededicating myself back to my intellectual goals by pursuing my reading more strongly, while at the same picking up the goals I dropped this past week. Throughout I'll probably contemplate where I think I'm going wrong in my lovability pursuits.

1.) Read The Science of Chocolate, The Chocolate Tree, Crash Proof, and spring issue of The Objective Standard: My failure to stay on top of this reading this week means I'll probably have to return these books to the library before I finish them, since I can't renew them. A nuisance, but I'll request them immediately again if I'm forced to. I'm adamant on completing those two chocolate books.

2.) Practice tossing pizza with clothes at home: I need to do a more thorough search through my clothes to see if I can find something that acts like moist dough. This is very important for my improvement at work. If I have nothing, then I'll see if I can borrow a wash cloth from work, since theirs work for the purpose of practicing.

3.) Experiment with "scribble book" while reading: Again, this is simply the practice of writing rough notes while reading to enhance concentration and interactivity, with no real intention of referencing the notes again.

4.) Optimize computer: A sloppily defined goal, but its intention is to get me thinking and search for ways I can improve my computing habits. For instance, I think I could be saving a lot more time in my efforts if I took the small amount of time necessary to find out how to make my computer boot up faster and process faster in general, and other such things. I've done some things already, such as installing Granola  to help save on utilities. I use a computer to improve my life, and I don't think I've been taking full enough advantage of that value, let alone getting all that I can out of it.

I'll probably add more later on in the week, especially if I have any epiphanies about my lovability pursuits, but for now this is all I want to dedicate myself to since I really, really want to improve my reading habits above all else in the immediate present.

This week may have been a bad one, but I intend to get back on the horse, as I always do.

New Banner

Well there we go: I've created a new banner to serve as the header for the blog. That thus completes my new year's resolution of redoing my blog layout, however small the change might be. I don't have strong design skills, and all the tinkering around and brief research I did was still more time than I wished to dedicate to the task. However practical a goal it may be, I just don't think I want to spend any significant amount of time learning code and design when other tasks beckon me, like my books on chocolate.

Why the green bar? Well, mint is my favorite herb. Therefore: green. I originally wanted to do a green/brown combination to symbolize one of my top favorite foods, mint chocolate, but I couldn't get over how terrible that scheme looked in my imagination, so the mint green is sufficient.

It's embarrassing that there's no preview feature before a change is applied in the Page Elements editor, as that meant I had to toy with my blog design in broad daylight. Hopefully none of you saw it when I displayed the more primitive version of my banner.

Up next in my new year's resolutions is hopefully getting that camera for my chocolate reviews. I've been dying to get that one done since the start of the year. I had some savings going and could have probably afforded something early on, but my Project ate through that portion of my money and the demands of living have been keeping down my efforts, so I've long been without recourse, though had it constantly on my mind. Hopefully within the next two weeks things will finally set in my favor.

I'm much behind on tackling the totality of my resolutions, but progress continues to be made.

Being Productively Intelligent and Intelligently Productive

As noted in my most recent weekly summary I intend to employ something called a "scribble book" to see if it can help improve my concentration while I read. In short, the book would be used for sort of rough notes, only it's not my intention to ever reference the writing again. I plan on performing conceptual exercises for terms I don't understand, writing repeatedly words I have trouble comprehending (e.g. medical terms, foreign names), writing down questions, and so on, all with the purpose of simply making myself more engaged with the reading. The writing is to help me become more mentally active in general and to tame my thoughts.

But overall I want to use this to tackle a more significant difficulty. After thinking about my problem with doing too much walking I realized that my overall trouble is that I like to spend too much time thinking in comparison to actually being physically active. Thinking is definitely very important, but the way I've been portioning my life has been making pure contemplation take up too much of my time. Think, for instance, if you were to spend more time at the gym than in the actual tasks of using your muscles and strength. The thinking grows my mind, but without the right practices it cannot make my life richer. My aim in this particular self-improvement endeavor is to help facilitate a lifestyle where the mental and physical are more closely united, where I can find myself with thinking skills I can employ while remaining physically active, rather than needing so much time for pure contemplation.

Pure contemplation has been troublesome in that I tend to get too attached to the mood, as described in my post about walking too much. After I come home I'm still stuck in the mood and want to continue my pure contemplation even though I should get myself engaged in my tasks. Eventually I have to force myself out of the trance, as left unhindered it could continue literally the entire day, so I want to find some way to readjust my character so that I can remain desirably mentally active, like on my walks, in spite of being physically engaged in other things such as washing my dinner dishes or taking out the trash.

The way I see it, it's all but a matter of establishing new habits and becoming emotionally attached to them. The reason why I value thinking while out on a walk so much is because I established a habit which has become part of my emotional attachments. Consequently, given my present arrangement it's difficult to conceive of myself enjoying contemplation in any other circumstance as ideally as this one. I think that if I force myself to change my habits, then I can make it so that I'll be emotionally inclined to continue the practices I view as part of an ideal self, namely a more balanced and integrated approach between thinking and acting. Of course, I'll still need time to sit and think things through, but right now my ratios are way out of whack.

I think further goals will need to be established in order to get the thorough results I want, permeating my entire character, but I think this scribble book is a good start. The demands of physical writing should help stave off desires to purely contemplate when I should be focusing on my reading. Aside from that, I'll continue timing my walks as I have and do further thinking (natch) on what changes I need to make.

Weekly Summary #37

A relatively good week, though plenty mixed. I've been quite involved in action and with worry about the financial difficulty I've encountered, which has subsumed a large part of my thinking and chores this week, but still I managed to get a pleasant amount done, especially helped by my new way of managing to-do lists. The worst I can say is that I'm being agonized by leg cramps again, the kind that yank you out of sleep to stand up to undo them, so I hope this phase passes before I eat my legs.

The list:

1.) Research ReCAPTCHA: I did, but it took way too long and is above my understanding. Given how simple a function I want it to perform I don't think it was worth the time to scrutinize it, so I've taken the popular shortcut in posting my e-mail by typing it as Benpercent1 (at) gmail (dot) com at the top of my page. If you need to contact me privately about anything now you can, but please be unique; if it's about a blog post, then consider a comment instead.

2.) Read to page 100 in The Science of Chocolate: Failed, but I tried. I need a new reading strategy for this text. It's valuable, but has a confused perspective as to who its audience is, as some portions are written for knowledged chemists while others are accessible to the layman. I'll just need to push harder to make it to the end.

3.) Finish my spring 2011 spring edition of The Objective Standard: Shamefully, no.

4.) Read chocolate history book: Yes. About a chapter and a half in. Oh, and it's called The Chocolate Tree. Kind of dry, but very interesting. From this I've decided I'd be very interested in a botanical text about the cacao tree.

5.) Look up how to create banner graphics: Oh, a brief bit of fiddling and I gave up. It's intimidating given what little visual skill I have, but I have an idea for a design I might like, so maybe I should just go forth and play around with something in Paint or the likes.

* * * * *

As the days pass, I continue to grow more and more hopeful for the future, and have been experiencing a flaring up of my ambition towards my pursuits. It's a little fuzzy as to where I where I want to go ultimately, but the goals before me are immediately within my sight and aim. I've been working hard to improve myself at my job and keep myself roundly productive at home, and I've finally reached a satisfying balance in my blogging habits where I'm able to keep on top of things and yet not feel like I'm dedicating too much time to it.

There are some barriers to my improvement, but I think I'll be able to remedy them quickly. For one, while I've constructed a list to enhance my productivity at work I've been unable to afford a page protector to keep it from being destroyed, so I've been without it. Additionally, I've grown very proud of and confident in my ability to write good chocolate reviews, but being unable to afford a camera to post photos of the products continues to be a barrier. I anticipate being able to financially resolve these conundrums within the next two weeks, and I'm especially excited for the latter.

For this week I'd like to rush in and spruce up my blog a bit with a new banner and see if I can enhance my reading ability and concentration, the latter of which I intend to muse about in greater detail early next week.

1.) Try hand at creating banner: I have an utterly simple but fitting idea for a banner which I may be able to pull off with my limited skills, so instead of worrying about researching graphic techniques week after week I think I should just open up a program and experiment.

2.) Read The Science of Chocolate, The Chocolate Tree, Crash Proof, and spring issue of The Objective Standard: Reading continues to be a difficulty with me. On one hand I feel I read too little, but then on the other I tend to assign so much it leaves little time for digestion. Either new habits or strategies are needed, but I do have an idea for a strategy I call a scribble book. This week I'm mainly going to read as much as a I can without minimum requirements.

3.) Experiment with "scribble" book for reading: In short, this would be the practice of taking rough notes on whatever reading I do; not with the intention of going back for review, but rather for enhancing attention and concentration. Think of it as being similar to my old practice of writing repeatedly unfamiliar words I have trouble with, such as medical terms and foreign names. Again, I'll write more next week on why I'm doing this and for what problem.

4.) Practice tossing pizza with clothes at home: I know it ain't Paleo, but I work at a pizza restaurant which should sooner or later call upon me to take part in the baking. It isn't necessary to toss a pizza in the air, but it's a very practical and efficient skill to learn and master. (No, tossing pizza isn't for aesthetics. The centrifugal force applied to it while spinning in the air helps increase its size in a more symmetric circular shape. It's probably quicker than stretching by hand too.) My intention right now is to find some clothing of the sort, like a wash cloth or shirt, and practice tossing it around. First I have to find something that will act like moist pizza dough, however, so failing that this goal is sunk.

5.) Tidy up room: Self-explanatory. This place is a mess. I need to have designated spots for certain items.

That's all for now. Here's to working hard and earning a good future.