Past Issues and Character Passions?

Not oft mentioned but consistent enough in this blog is that I am an adherent to Objectivism, the philosophy of Ayn Rand. I think about philosophy every day -- have for years since I've discovered this system -- and Rand's system permeates all the principles behind my thoughts. Lately I've been pondering something about Rand's character itself. As is well-known, Rand was an advocate of individualism and rational egoism, a way of living that logically leads to the endorsement of capitalism, and she spent much of her life identifying the nature of statist ideas. It is her passionate opposition to statism that interests me.

Succinctly, could it be the case that the amount of passion she had for advocating right ideas and refuting bad ones is rooted in the fact that she lived in the Soviet Union, which was itself the result of evil philosophy? I'm not asking if this is what motivated her to address this specific issue; rather, I'm asking if her past experience is what made her so interested and intense in this regard.

In examining my own being during philosophic thinking, I've noticed the issues that are the most well-thought out and consistently entertained are the ones that I've suffered great consequence in the past. Constant themes on this blog are self-improvement and relationships, and I think I entertain those topics most frequently because I have grown up around people who have wasted their potential, inflicted suffering on themselves through idleness, eroded their relationships, lived on whim, and so on, all with the poison of a specific behavior or idea behind it. I've witnessed and experienced first hand what harsh results that way of living has brought, so I contemplate those topics and guide my actions accordingly in order to prevent myself from ever deserving such a fate. Though, of course, my goal isn't to merely avoid suffering; I work on these issues most because my part experience makes their importance very real and serious to me.

Beyond Rand and I, could dominant themes affect all humans in this way, making them most concerned in the realms where they've had the strongest experiences (though not that necessarily involving pain)? I haven't dealt with enough people intimately to even come up with a guess, but it's an interesting question.

[Blank] and Effect

Lately I've been thinking about a piece I wrote in the past, where I expressed my annoyance at people who perceive mental activity as equivalent to being idle, and identified that at root it reveals that such people view the mind as irrelevant to existence. Luckily I do not deal with such persons anymore, but I still feel an incredible contempt for such people given what deplorable and self-destructive behaviors such a belief leads to, and lately I've made a deeper realization about this mentality.

While these people may recognize desirable effects such as intelligence, they think anti-causally and evade the proper facts that would give rise to the effects they desire, even going so far as to undermine those causes while they yearn for the effects at the same time. This dawned on me when I thought about my experience with that person in the above linked article and remembered that in the future from that date they have implicitly complimented and shown great appreciation for my intelligence. They give me baffled looks when I tell them I'm studying by my own accord, call my activities "just" reading, and freely interrupt me as if I weren't engaged in anything important, and then they show appreciation for what intellect I have developed? It's the studying and reading that have given rise to my mental powers, so to insult my means while complimenting the consequence is doubly insulting. Imagine if someone spoke contemptuously of your weight lifting routine and then later admired fawningly your muscle size and strength.

It goes the other way too, where such a person will seek out what they view to be as practical causes and evade what effects they lead to. Here they are at the very least taking action towards desired ends, but since they ignore what consequences are occurring while they're employing the means the goal remains out of reach. I've seen people boast about their healthy diet while having decaying teeth, multiple medical conditions, and obesity, and still others claim that being with a particular person makes them happy when there's decades of evidence towards the opposite being true. They're destroying themselves and ruining their chance at happiness, yet they believe they're employing the practical means to health and loving relationships.

I'm fairly sure that this is a consistent mentality that runs both roads in all persons who adopt this mindset, though not certain. Nonetheless, they are terrible people to deal with, for they treat effects as things that have magically come into existence and act like ships heading towards icebergs in their habits.

As for me, I'm going to keep my eye on reality. Persons in the past -- and maybe even ones yet to be met -- may think it's a frivolous endeavor to study and do academic reading without the guidance of an educational institute, but I can observe for myself that this endeavor has led to me becoming an overall better and more competent person. So I will not stop.

Reducing My Public Openness

I have reached the conclusion that the particular piece I've been promising, about that emotional identification, will never be written for public viewing. From day to day I feel the same hesitancy about writing it, so it is silly to think that more time passing will bring with it more comfort. While my largely open writing may have benefited many, I have changed as a person since completing my Project, and that recognition is going to make me alter drastically what I write here.

Privacy has always been a value to me, and of course I don't write everything here, but since entering my new life I have come to value privacy even more strongly than before and found more desire to keep things secret. For the past weeks this has been confounding me, for the type of information is nothing so unordinary that it would qualify as anything more deeply personal to be revealed, but still I just don't want to write it. Some certain persons having become aware of this blog may factor in, but largely my move to Texas has just made it so I don't want to be as open as I once was.

My theory as to why this is is that I've transitioned from being materialistically helpless to being independent. In the past when the Circumstance was still present there was little else I could do except talk and think about it, so my openness then was the result of my just disclosing the necessary information to have people judge my situation and offer the proper advice, and, later on, I was motivated to reveal yet more so that I could identify the philosophic roots that gave rise to my problems to begin with. In my new life I am no longer trapped, so any problem that comes my way is entirely defeatable with my own powers. I've whined enough already and need to drill into my mind that everything in my life is my own responsibility. The major difference in my last situation is that I was born into by default and had no hand in constructing things as they were. Because I am in little to no need of help or support in the spiritual sense, I have no urge to talk about my life as openly as I once did. Besides, it might be the best for my personal relationships, as keeping things private with my friends invests more emotional energy into the relationship and strengthens the bond.

This does not mean I'll be entirely secretive, however. Overall I am just going to be much more selective and strict in what I choose to keep private and what I don't. There will still be experiences and thoughts of light personal worth that will be written about, to entertain myself in writing and assist introspection, that should still serve of equal satisfaction for those that have appreciated my musings on self-help and psychology in the past.

Thankfully, by being vague there has been little to advertise about that piece, so hopefully no one is disappointed by my choice to abandon it. I hope you understand.

Love Letter to Japan

Music posts are becoming less rare here, aren't they? It's not that I've run out of things to talk about; I actually am finding these interesting to post.

I love female vocalists, though admit to feeling slightly embarassed of the femininely romantic theme of this piece. I've come to really like The Bird and the Bee, as many of their songs involve the worship of one's significant other, though through the female perspective. This particular song is really fresh and bubbly, very easy to get in one's head. The only thing I don't like is the video.



The dominant question on my mind is exactly what part of the culture of Japan this song references. The rhythm reminds me strongly of some old Japanese tune, perhaps ancient, and I can't think of what it is. Do any of my readers know?

Anyhow, even as I have done well to nurture my tastes in music, I still find that I'm not all that attached to listening to a wide variety. Could it be that individuals are usually more receptive to certain arts above others, so that while I appreciate music there are other art forms I'd rather dedicate myself to? My subsuming habit in music listening is to find a few pieces I like and listen to them endlessly; I've been known to listen to a single song for hours on end and to sustain the practice for over a year. Yes, weird.

Whatever the case, I am beginning to value the tones of specific bands. My favorites at the moment are The Bird and the Bee, Metric, and Thievery Corporation. (That last one sounds like it has bad philosophical elements, but I've noticed none in its music nor heard of the band's explicit views, so it seems like only a pointed title at present.)

Chocolate Review: Vivani's 70% Orange

When I originally went up to Texas to perform a stage, before I actually moved here, I thought I'd treat myself to some chocolate since my food bill was so low, as I did an awful lot of fasting. The Whole Foods I went to practically paralyzed my mind with the incredible amount of choices they had. The on-shelf options I had in Michigan paled in comparison to what I witnessed there, and with a limited budget it was beyond difficult to decide which would be the chosen few. I probably stood there for about twenty minutes, taking things in and out of my basket, and finally forced myself to walk away. One of those lucky few chocolates happened to be Vivani 70% cocoa orange, as I'm a particular fan of chocolate infused with this essence.

I dislike the packaging greatly, as on the cover is a portrait of "modern" artwork that displays smears on a canvas. Aside from not being proper artwork given the defiance of artistic method, the cover comes off as recessive and easy to look over since the smears are random nothingness. I probably only saw it because I was searching through the chocolate selections so meticulously. Any customer briefly glancing at the selection could easily glance over this one. I do hope Vivani changes it; why not an artist's rendition of oranges?

It'd be a shame if this bar gets passed over due to its artwork, as it's really good. The bar aesthetics are a little poor since the squares are decorated with a boring cross lined pattern, where lines at opposite angles converge to form a corner (a continuation of the modernism theme?); the shine is mild but glossy enough, and the back is covered with smears and shattered chocolate debris. The snap is audible but more like a moderately quiet click, and the inward gradient has outwardly jagged points. All is made up for with the rest of the treat. It has a tempting scent of milk and spices with an orange zest undertone, and the taste experience starts with a strong sweetened cocoa note that unfolds steadily into a combined cocoa-citrus middle and finishes very citrusy, all parts of equal intensity. This to me represents an extremely good balance, as the chocolate and orange take turns being experienced while at the same time being tasted together in the middle transitional phase. It's simple, but good. I also like the thickness of the bar, as it makes for a great mouthfeel, every bite firm yet soft and melting rapidly into an enjoyably thick paste. The pleasure of a viscous melt is just something you can't get with large chocolate bars formed thin.

I think I like this orange variety best over both Theo and Endangered Species' own offering. Theo has good balance while the Endangered Species one has a good citrus intensity, but I see Vivani as superior in its balance and intensity to both competitors combined, so I'd consider this my favorite orange infused chocolate. Additionally, as further competition to Theo's soy-free nutritional contents Vivani is also soy-free in its ingredients, except for the possibility of trace amounts being incorporated from the chocolate being made on the same equipment as soy. 

I'm glad to have found a new favorite like this, though, like I said in my Hachez review, I am still open to a more intense experience, so I shall continue tasting orange infused chocolate even as I do have defined favorites; you can never have too many food values. (And wouldn't you know it, Hachez does make an orange variety.) At the present, Vivani has made me content with its offering, so I give it my definite thumbs up.

Weekly Summary # 25

Not a packed week, but a satisfying one. Unfortunately, I have yet to learn of the specifics of my employment situation from my potential employers, so I thought it would be best to hold off on some of the goals for the sake of financial responsibility. Nonetheless, I was more intellectually active given more time and energy for writing and reading, and I feel more satisfied as a result. The list:

1.) Write blog post on my connection to cooking: So I have. This identification will be a massive help in determining future concentrations and endeavors.

2.) Get gym membership: No. Without a specified income I am refraining.

3.) Go to Master Grill, a Brazilian steakhouse: Same as above.

4.) Read 30 pages of What Einstein Told His Cook if it comes in the library: Done and then some. Unfortunately my closest libraries, even with their largeness, seem to seldom have the books on my wish list, so it's been a long time spent waiting for this item, and others, to ship from other locations. Nonetheless, it is good to be a part of the reading public again, making my mind once again feel whole and fed. I've easily been reading 20-30 pages per day, and in addition to that I've been reading 20-30 pages a day of Will Write for Food and anticipate taking on further books. I've been getting excited over the prospect of restarting my studies and gaining the confidence that I can learn much more efficiently now, what with hardly tested ideas and new thoughts about proper studying, and hope my job gets specified soon so I can tailor a curriculum around it. I also need to buy more notebooks for homework and notes, as right now I only have one down to its last two pages and two fresh ones dedicated to other pursuits. It's a pity, for there's lots worthy contemplating in writing for WETHC. I really really want to more thoroughly test the "Tell Me Everything You Know" method.

5.) Write a post about that emotional identification I made: Still hesitating. For now this will go on the back burner; I'll write about it when I feel in a more secure situation.

* * * * *

Beyond this, there was also some interesting learning experiences regarding self-improvement and ongoing problems.

For one, I've been almost ready to give up on my meditation practices due to its lack of effectiveness when a slight change in method suddenly yielded positive results. As a reminder, my form of meditation is to sit still and concentrate on extrospection as much as possible, refraining almost entirely from introspection ("almost" because I've found it impossible to go all the way). Since I've started I've been counting my breaths as my way of restricting introspection, but apparently that itself is introspective enough to defeat the calming effects. Out of irritation I just suddenly decided to do it the old way I once did when first starting: Just extrospect without any restriction methods. I tried a session, attempting only to maintain a clear head, and while the execution was imperfect, as I did cheat a little with a internal "concentrate!" here and there, hopeful results did come forth. After finishing the session I authentically felt relaxed, though it came on me only after finishing and not during the session. When getting on the computer I noticed I had a very intense and soothing state of concentration on my activities, so perhaps this is what I have been needing to do all along. Now there is more motivation to continue.

Continuing in the realm of relaxation and temperament improvement, I've rediscovered the pleasure of taking cold showers. I used to take them a while back as a health practice and always marveled at how great I felt afterwards, only I didn't sustain the habit since the process was so agonizing. In introspecting over the possible benefits -- not only in mental health, but physical health too -- I've decided it's in my best interest to try it once again. Happily, the shower at my new living place doesn't get as frigid as my old one, so it's much easier to stay in for longer periods, and my first session has brought a hopeful approximation of the pleasure I once felt. I meditated right afterwards and it seems to have deepen the effects, so perhaps doing these in combination will compound the benefits. I'm going to keep this up.

Finally, I think I may have solved my computer problems. A few weekly summaries ago I was complaining of my computer being atrociously slow and interfering with my movie watching by making the audio choppy, and I've been procrastinating on a solution. Frustrated with how my problems seemed to be worsening, I discovered two solutions which may have helped significantly. The first is CCleaner, a program that deletes wasteful files to clear up space and memory. The first run has eliminated five gigs worth of stuff on my computer, so that definitely should have an impact somehow. Secondly, I've downloaded Flashblock, which may be the most important of the solutions. It is par the norm for me to open up a great many tabs on Firefox while browsing, and I didn't realize that Flash content on each individual page still takes up memory even as the tab isn't selected. All that Flash must have been the memory hog, which will make this add-on a Godsend since I can pick and choose which flash to activate. I've yet to see the full results of both of these potential solutions, but so far things seem to be working incredibly more smoothly.

This week is yet another mystery week given my murky employment situation at present, so things will have to be open-ended again to be flexible for possible happenings. For the most part, I want to work continuing strengthening my reading and writing skills, which means keep up to pace with this blog and being diligent with my reading, especially as new books with limited borrowing dates come into my life. While I still pine for and daydream about returning to my work, this trend partially satisfies me in that I felt long deprived of intellectual work with my being without a library for so long and concentrating so intensely on writing cover letters. My brain feels back to full health and a much more amazing learning machine. Again, I can't wait to adopt my formal studies again to see what I'm truly capable of now. Anyhow, for this week I'd like to:

1.) Take notes on everything I taste: It may have failed last time when I was only tracking what foods I was eating, but absent was any detailed description of how the food tasted and felt to me. I feel limited in my taste memory and vocabulary, so I want to give this a shot to make me more keen and diverse.

2.) Take a cold plunge (i.e. cold shower) every shower session: Explained enough above.

3.) Get a gym membership: Maybe, given the income.

4.) Go to Master Grill steakhouse: Same as above.

5.) Read a chapter a day of two books: Right now they are What Einstein Told His Cook and Will Write for Food, but presently I have an unidentified book waiting to be picked up and it's possible others could come in.

That's it for now. Yes, pathetically short given my past ambitiousness, but my free time will not go to waste. There's plenty to write and plenty of additional reading to keep the mind fed.

Racial Language

For several months now I've been bothered by the usage of race-based language in the culture, though in a grammatical, not racist, sense. I may not be interested in linguistics anymore -- I was once inspired to contemplate it by Anthony Burgess -- but the topic of words nonetheless enter my thoughts on occasion. As you may know, I'm quite big on using concepts properly and making sure they're fully grounded in valid knowledge. What bothers me here is that I know how to properly use these concepts, only I'm afraid of the implications given the current culture.

Case in point: "African-American." In this age of political correctness it has become considered the "polite" term in speaking of someone of that particular genetic deposition, but it irks me with its inaccuracy. When people say African-American they actually mean something else, so they're using the wrong terminology. African-American denotes someone's continent of descent, not their physical features. Given this essential meaning, it's entirely possible for a Caucasian person to be born in Africa and then legally immigrate to America and become an "African-American," and yet if most people were confronted with this acknowledgement they'd obviously say that's not what they meant by the term; they're referring to a person's genetic features, which by their logic excludes the possibility that a Caucasian could be an African-American.

As far as my knowledge goes, the proper terminology when referring to that particular person by their genetic features is negro. This concept not only denotes their skin color, but their skeletal structure, hair type, eye colors, and other combinations that are essential to this race and not found in others. An African climate may have given rise to their features, but the continent itself is not essential to the concept. Yet, I experience great hesitation in trying to use this concept, as if it were equivalent to the N-word. And still yet, I am not aware of it having an offensive history. It's simply the proper concept to use, but I am emotionally resistant to using it.

The reason why I desire such a correction is because I detest any sort of approximation in my concepts. Approximation can only lead to more approximation, not further precision, so to allow for it is to erode one's precision in thinking, which I won't allow myself. Conceptual precision is desirable at all times and necessary for the advancement of one's intellect.  I especially dislike it when people mix terms like African-American and Caucasian in the same sentences, because they're conceptually different and refer to different things, making for a mixing of incongruous terms. 

What do you think?

(P.S. I also dislike calling people "black" or "white.")