Categorizing Time

Building on my last post, I went through and brainstormed my essential values on a page in my introspection journal. Granted, my thinking wasn't scientifically precise, meaning I didn't measure out numerically the time commitments I want to dedicate to each value, but I did arrange the sections of my life into a hierarchy and devise good approximations. The categories and subsections I came up with are:

1.) Career: Employment, training, learning;

2.) Home activities: Cooking, reading, studying, exercise, writing;

3.) Media: Internet usage, television, DVDs, music, and movies.

(My career is likely not to be home-based, thus the segregation of career and home.)

The first item is the most important while the third is least. In each section, the individual items are approximately and loosely grouped according to importance. I plan on making my life fuller than this so to speak, but with my project -- keeping in mind my project is for the advancement of my life -- limits me currently, so some things will have to wait. Romantic aspirations are on my mind, for instance, but it may just have to wait for the next few months or so.

Anyhow, as I've said before my original problem was wanting to do "everything." After seeing how dissatisfied I was spending so much time in one area while neglecting others, I identified that my time commitments were messed up since I didn't have a proper *positive* value hierarchy. In this context, by positive value hierarchy I mean a hierarchy of values positioned relative to each other, not taking into account non- and anti-values; originally I just compared my values to non- and anti-values. My mistake still kept me value-oriented in my pursuits, but didn't help in budgeting time for some values over others.

Now as for my present thinking, I must confess that the only time commitments I feel truly certain and comfortable about are my recreational values. DVDs, for instance, can simply be rented or stockpiled and then watched whenever I wish, in however long a stretch I desire. I do not currently value any regular events that occur on specific dates or times, so I don't need to take into account as to how to align my life with my calendar.

My learning and skill development, honestly, is my biggest worry. For these I know to give the biggest time commitment, but I fret at making sure the proper learning and practice methods are being utilized, and whether or not actual progress is occurring. I take this to be perhaps be a fear that I might atrophy or lose my knowledge even at the slightest sign of slacking off or rest. This fear could be a lasting result from my institutionalized schooling, where the improper learning methods used forced me to simply memorize and parrot what was being "taught," and then to forget it shortly afterwards -- within less than a month. All the forgetting I've done of my school curriculum has probably spilled over into my personal studies as a fear I'll simply forget what I've learned or quickly retrogress in my competence.

To remedy this I'll need a better understanding of what it is I would like to *do* (physically) in my life, and then to determine the knowledge that such action requires. After integrating such a premise and putting it to practice for a while, I predict my consciousness will be geared towards only its dedicated pursuits and I'll naturally lose interest in wanting to do everything else. My dedication to the culinary field, for instance, has made me lose the desire to study formal philosophy intensely, reducing me to partaking in mostly modern works. (Though I plan on reading the translated works of Aristotle.) While philosophy is immensely important, it's simply too great and intensive for me to dedicate significant amounts of time to.

My thinking and resulting actions may be better once I can afford to implement fully the advice offered in Getting Things Done, as right now I'm limited to only utilizing electronic lists. The documentation and storage procedures suggested in the book should be able to help me in the future by helping me identify patterns in my thinking and chosen values.

I certainly feel better after this round of thinking, but it's still an ongoing process. Enhancing my competence, ability to learn, and ability to know myself is what will cure my time budget maladies.

More on Essentializing

I might as well give up on my blog hiatus, as my reduced level of productivity has had a negative emotional impact. My original intention was to put off blogging and my other productive ventures in favor of my project since the problem that made the project necessary interferes with the quality of my life and my ability to be productive, as thoughts on solving this problem often pervade my mind. I've realized that not that much energy is required for focus on this project, and I've hit a point where I'm waiting for something to happen before I move on. Even when I do move on it isn't going to be back-to-back hours of working for the completion of this project, so I have little excuses for my lack of productivity and certainly deserve the discomfort.

Plus, I have to admit that even a brief absence makes me miss participating in the online Objectivist community, as I have no acquaintances that share these philosophical values and limited means, at the immediate present, to make things otherwise. Hopefully someday I'll be able to attend an Objectivist Conference. Until then, if I want to enjoy online company, then I must be present to provide company as well.

Anyhow, back into the vein of productivity, I am still having problems essentializing my life, as you have heard me speak of before (here and here). It's a really difficult task! I suffer not from the problem of wanting things to do, but having to choose from too wide a range of things, far more than I could ever get done or involved in. As such, I've been working to try and pick out only the essential values in my life and dedicating myself to them solely, but every now and then I get back into do-everything-mode and stress myself out. Blog reading, for instance, has been particularly bothersome since I follow so many blogs on Google Reader, and I know that if I read too much in a short time frame there will be too little time for thinking, thus deleterious to my long-term memory. As a solution to this problem I'm going to simply check certain blogs everyday for day-to-day news, and then let posts on others build up so I can dedicate myself to reading multiple posts of a blog (usually of one theme) in one sitting.

(Though perhaps my worries about my memory should be the subject of a piece. I do not have any inherent memory problems, but I fret at doing a great quantity of intellectual work in a short time for fear of most of it being forgotten due to information overload.)

But what of the other realms of my life? Cooking, writing, studying, and all that? I think maybe it will be helpful to split my life into categories, and then determine the value of each and the appropriate time commitments. I know that, at least, some activities can be neglected for a long time and then done in marathon sessions, such as (recorded) television series and movies. Other things, however, add more complications, such as the slow processes of studying or writing.

Oh! Hard thinking to do! I don't know what to say now except that I need to get a piece of paper out and do a bit of brainstorming. I'll give an update. (Don't I always?)

Project Update One

Despite a snag or two, things are progressing for my project. At this rate I'd have to say that things will advance very slowly; my project does not seem like it will be finished until near the end of this year, or even beyond. Being a new hire, my employer isn't giving me very many shifts right now, which stunts the growth of my finances, but I'm still enjoying my job, pursuing self-improvement, and still have yet to see how things will play out in the long-run. New developments may come about in a month or so.

And still -- I apologize -- the secrecy will continue. I'm not intentionally teasing you by not telling you what my project is; I consider it necessary. Explaining my plans could result in significant hardship, so mum's the word until completion.

As for my personal life, I've noticed a rather negative trend in my sense of life as of late. After clarifying my central purpose in life and intensifying my job hunt my sense of life got a boost since I was being purposeful and actively absorbed in that which makes my life worth living, but now that I have a job and have transitioned to focusing on my project I see the negative contrast. No, the job has not brought anything negative into my life: it has opened my eyes to the negatives that currently exist. In other words, after experiencing the good in life I become more sensitive to anger about the bad in life since it interferes with the good. After seeing in what direction I want to go, I detest more intensely the unnecessary obstacles, the people and conditions that serve as problems to overcome, but yet are not problems or difficulties inherent in the nature of the direction itself (such as acquiring knowledge and skills). Such has been adding significant stress in my life, stress that cannot be eliminated except through the completion of this project, and can only be alleviated through meditation, cooking a good meal, consuming my favored dark chocolate, and so on. In searching for new ways to enjoy myself I have even adapted new values to expand my enjoyment of life: Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Alfred Hitchcock movies.

The biggest frustration, however, is certainly that this project has diverted my focus from cooking. I haven't been thinking or reading about it much lately, and my actual practice has declined in quality and quantity as well. My, how I would enjoy the prospect of reading and studying cooking and nutrition literature, and cooking all day, but now's not yet the time. Considering the immense value to be gained from this project, I must conjure up the patience to wait until then.

Anyhow, sorry to my regular readers. If my lack of writing deprives you, consider friending me on Facebook or following my Twitter account. I don't post much on Twitter, but I am active on Facebook, and I cannot repress the urge to do a bit of short writing on there, for I have gotten into the habit of reviewing dark chocolate in my status updates. Note, however, that if you should choose to send me a friend request on Facebook that I would appreciate a message explaining how you found my profile, as I do not add completely random strangers (i.e. people I've either never met or whom I have no philosophical friends in common with). ("Your blog," would suffice as an explanation.)

I'll keep you updated on my progress, and perhaps I might also be unable to repress my desire to write and construct some small posts, since I seem to have shifted my writing to Facebook after all. In the meanwhile, my main concerns are my career, project, values, and lifestyle.

Good News for Me; Bad News for You

The good news is that after several months of searching I have finally gotten a job! I work as a Kitchen Helper at an inn and restaurant one town over, and so far I'm really enjoying it. I never expected such a job to push the limits of my consciousness as this does -- considering I need to be super *aware* at almost all times (watching inflow of dishes, actively remembering dishes under heat, maneuvering to avoid people walking around, keeping a standing order to pay attention to stock items, etc.). It's good to finally be able to get physically tired from something, which I consider to be a form of satisfaction.

I find it odd how I got the job. After making the identification that I want to become a chef my job hunt became much easier and more fun. I knew where I wanted to work, why I wanted to work there, and in my cover letters displayed honest enthusiasm. Not only did my hunt become more enjoyable, employers became more interested in me since they could observe I was preparing to get myself into something long-term, rather than just being some young kid looking for a summer job. My employer was so intrigued by my resume and cover letter that I got hired virtually on the spot -- there was a message on my answering machine about a job offer just hours later after I handed in my information.

My interest in cooking has increased since my last three shifts. I enjoy the kitchen atmosphere, the fast-paced environment, and the delicious smells. If my shift didn't end so close to my bedtime I'd probably go home to do some cooking. They don't have me doing any food preparation yet -- I'm still in training -- but I can wait as long as it takes to prepare; even washing dishes is enjoyable.

I'm not sure whether I'll continue my experimentation with cooking and baking at home since I may be redirecting my resources to my next project. Which brings me to my bad news (for you)...

For the past few years now I have been bothered by a problem which has seriously imposed on my ability to pursue my happiness and be productive. Since this problem has been so cumbersome and yet unresolved, it often throws itself before my immediate consciousness, demanding attention and for it to be solved, which has interfered with my reading, writing, learning, cooking, and so on. Up until now it has be unresolved because I have had no means to solve it, but this new job will allow me to at least begin considering preparing, finally allowing me to give serious consideration to the means I'll employ.

No, this project is not something I'm going to construct for public consumption, but something that will advance me greatly in life. Until the project is finished, I'm not going to state what it is or what problem has prompted its necessity. It will take several months for me to accomplish, maybe even over a year. Aside from my career aspirations, this new job will allow me to begin saving up towards that goal, and will help me gain experience which will develop my wage earning potential.

I think part of the success of my job hunt can be attributed to the fact that I switched it over from being a side-pursuit to a goal of primary importance to be concentrated on. I performed terribly and felt horribly unmotivated when I treated the hunt as a pursuit to be squeezed into my life, but when I turned it into something I would spend my days on, my motivation drastically increased, my methods improved, and now here I am employed. I think, too, this project would be much more successful if I were to concentrate on it instead of thinking of it as a side pursuit. After all, it will bring me closer to my happiness, eliminate the current interference in my productivity, and be a major advancement in my life. In a way, you could say I'm temporarily "giving up" (or shelving) my other productive ventures (studying, reading, etc.) to deal with something that is significantly interfering with them.

As such, I may very well put my blogs on hiatus. In addition to the change of my writing habits (as per my identified purpose in life), it's just hardly worth the struggle given my current condition. Maybe I'll write some musings on food or what I've learned from my job hunt, but I don't know; more important things occupy my mind right now.

Anyhow, see you later.

Central Purpose Update: Musings on the Future

As is typical of neglectful blog authors I would apologize for my absence, only I'm not going to. Due to recent thinking I have been enjoying my life much more than before lately, and have been vigorously involved in seeking employment. Yes, I'm still unemployed and receiving no callbacks, but my drive and motivation isn't harmed in the least. If anything, I find that as a result of my thinking my drive has increased.

If you'll recall, some months ago I wrote a post that mused on my central purpose in life. I've done more thinking and collected more observations from my thinking, values, and emotional responses, and I have decided to pursue the life course of becoming a chef. In my context this amounts to a phenomenal identification, as just mere months before I was directionless in life. What made things "click" for me is this comment by Burgess Laughlin on Trey Given's blog:

> “In my imagination, I’m like Ayn Rand and woke up one morning at the age of nine and resolved to be a writer.”

Jeff Britting, archivist for The Ayn Rand Institute and author of the short but very informative biography, Ayn Rand, notes that “[e]ven at an early age [6 to 8], her predominant interest was literature.” He also notes that Ayn Rand began writing at age 8. (p. 7)

It was later, at age 9 — after observing herself in action — that Ayn Rand formed “the idea that writing would be the defining passion of her life and the career she would pursue as an adult.” (p. 8)

The point here is that Ayn Rand’s approach was objective, that is, she looked at facts (such as her own interests, emotions, abilities, and experiences) and then drew conclusions logically from them. In particular, her approach was inductive, which seems to be the approach you are taking now.

Formulating a central purpose in life can be challenging and time consuming. Best wishes for that venture.

I looked at the facts of my life. What do I like to engage in the most? Cooking. What do I like to think about the most? Cooking and nutrition. What do I like to read about the most? Cooking and nutrition. Where do I like to go the most? Good restaurants, food shops, bakeries, candy stores, etc. What's one of my most favorite television shows? Good Eats. A few months ago I told myself that my interest in food preparation and nutrition was that of a mere hobby, but when I look at the facts I see that it is taking up more and more of my time, and I see it's becoming my life rather than just being a portion of it.

Looking back now I see that this interest was always present within me, but there were various obstacles that prevented me from making the identification. For one, I've been on the Standard American Diet for most of my life, during which I disliked eating and wished that humans didn't have to eat in order to live since the food I ate left me feeling bad and in an emotional tailspin. When I tried engaging in cooking when I was younger the adults in my life not only insisted on supervising (which is proper), but also in helping out in the process beyond what was needed, depriving me of enjoying the activity, and were in fact responsible for ruining some of my undertakings. Television-wise, I dislike, and still am adverse to, typical cooking shows (excluding Good Eats). However, I did thoroughly enjoy gazing at cookbooks and daydreaming of preparing some of the recipes.

When I started living on a Paleo diet back in 2009 I suddenly started loving eating again: Food tasted better, my hunger wasn't painful when it was present, after meals I felt satisfied and healthy instead of overstuffed and miserable, and I could function better. At first I started living off virtually nothing else but bacon, eggs, spinach, and deli meat, but I wanted to take it further. However, the person I live with is in disagreement with my nutritional standards and believes my lifestyle to be unhealthy, so I had to break off from having meals with this person so I could prepare my food to my own nutritional specifications. I then started cooking and baking, and when I recognized that I needed more variety in my diet I started trying recipes outside of my comfort zone, and it eventually has led to this point where this interest takes up a significant portion of my life.

As a result of making this identification I have been a lot less interested in constructing blog posts and much more interested in cooking, looking for recipes, applying to restaurants and food shops, thinking about my aspirations, and so on. I have to say that my sense of life has been given a much needed boost by this, and I have been in virtually one long good mood for the past several days. That's another good thing: My sense of life has been predominantly negative for the majority of my life, and it took several months just to reach a state of indifference; finally I'm getting closer to happiness.

To be honest, as a result of this identification I've been considering actually quitting blogging. Reiterating from my previous posts, my original purpose in starting up a blog in the first place was to practice my writing, as I believed that I wanted to be a fiction/non-fiction writer. However, very shortly after starting and during the reading of Walt Disney's biography, I realized that I didn't value writing as intensely as I had been telling myself. I didn't daydream about it, I didn't engage in it that often, and I didn't enjoy the writing process that much. After I learned that, my blogging habits were in danger since I knew it was largely irrelevant to my ambitions (whatever I thought them to be at the time), but I was able to continue on after I identified what activist and epistemological purposes writing can serve. It's still difficult to sustain, however, since I still haven't successfully integrated my writing practices into my life, especially now considering my revealed ambitions.

I have decided not to quit writing, but things will change around here. Benpercent is likely to have a shift in focus, from activism in general politics to activism in the food and health industry. Musing Aloud will stay the same in its theme, but you'll probably notice that I'll more frequently post on cooking and personal health related topics, maybe even go so far as to track my self-improvement in cooking by tracking the recipes I try and grading my execution of them. As for posting frequency, I'll throw everything into the wind and say I'll just do my best, as my past efforts to remain consistent in my habits have been a failure.

In my life away from writing I need to restructure my habits as well. As a brief sampling, I need to change what types of blogs I follow, what books I seek out, by what means I'll achieve my career ambitions, what I focus my spending on, and so on. I may even apply to culinary school, but that is still in the thinking phase as I may soon be living on my own and have a greater need to focus on my career. While many things are still uncertain, I love that I have made enough progress in my thinking to have at least come to the point that I'm entertaining questions to a specific course of action.

Honestly, my main worry is about specialization. Paraphrasing Henry Hazlitt from Thinking as a Science, it's better to know one thing well and to be ignorant of a great many things than to know many things poorly. In other words, it's better to be really knowledgeable in one area instead of generally okay all around. I know that I'll be making myself greatly ignorant of many things as a result of choosing what to concentrate on, but I ask exactly what general knowledge is it that I can afford to neglect? For instance, is it desirable to study economics just enough so that I know the basic principles and can deal with my personal finances optimally, and okay to neglect advance technical knowledge? Or should I still make an effort to obtain that advanced knowledge, only working at a slower pace to attain it since it isn't a priority in my value hierarchy? Overall, I'm worried about what I'll be neglecting in other specializations by choosing my own.

But still, even with these questions, confusions, and my struggles to get a job things are going great for me. Life is worth living when you know what your life should be.

A New Book to Look Forward To!

I love the first one, so it's good to hear that the sequel, Good Eats 2: The Middle Years, will be coming out in just a few months. If this book series maintains the level of value the first one has set forth then I'll forgo purchasing DVDs of the television series, as it would be completely unnecessary.

Perhaps I might give a review when it comes out. A definite purchase on my part.

Percolating Writing

One of the difficulties I run into in writing is making sure I do an adequate amount of thinking for each piece. Some pieces take only a few minutes of thinking while others can take hours of planning. Some pieces have actually taken me over a month to think about before I felt ready to write about it.

As such, sometimes I run into the problem of trying to construct a piece when I have done an insufficient amount of thinking. Those pieces I usually end up either leaving uncompleted or deleting them upon completion, no matter how much time I spent writing them. (I don't feel bad about not having a product to show for my work since the actual writing serves as practice anyhow.) On some rare occasions I have recognized that I did an insufficient amount of thinking, went and did some introspecting, and then came back to the piece and wrote beautifully.

I would like to remedy this problem of underthinking an idea. It's the reason why I don't do as exhaustive writing as I've done before, like with Dr. Doolittleism in Foreign Policy and Slavery or the Highway: "Volunteerism", which I consider to be some of my best writing.

Here's an idea I got spontaneously yesterday while walking. I thought about how I remedied my underthinking before by actually starting work on the piece and then noting my deficiencies, and going back to do additional introspection, which cured my problem. What I was thinking of doing is this: When I get the urge to write extensively on some subject, I'll go out and construct a detailed outline on it, including clustering ideas, writing the theme, organizing the points, and all, and then afterwards putting the outline down for an indefinite amount of time so that I can gather more introspective material. In other words, turn my outlining into a process in which drafting applies.

Already I am seeing benefits to the drafting process. I have outlined a piece I don't plan on writing for a while due to a need for more evidence, but already I've noticed that after completing the outline I came upon new thoughts I want to include in that piece, thoughts that would have been otherwise neglected if I had taken to writing the piece right away.

I don't know how well this will work, but it's worth trying. This isn't a self-improvement venture I plan on tracking on this blog; I just thought it would be worthwhile to share a possible good writing practice.