I noted a few posts ago that due to the setback to my project I'm going to have to find a way to cope with things as they are while I work on my finances. This circumstance has done a lot of harm to my sense of life, and because of its stubborn nature it eventually ate up my attention and left me unable to concentrate on anything meaningful. This led to the slow and unintentional cessation of my personal studying. At first I broke from it temporarily to search diligently for a job, which was successful, but it remained neglected even as things advanced in my project. I rationalized that it was but short and temporary since I thought I was so close to the end of my project -- and that the circumstance would just continue eating my attention anyhow -- but now that the time frame is completely indeterminant I think such neglect would be horrible abuse to my mind. There are some ways to make myself unaware of my circumstance, but I originally thought them unnecessary; they're necessary now if I'm to continue on pursuing values.
To at least bring my studies closer to being revived, I'm going to take on the miniature project of planning out a new system of study: what resources to choose, how to take notes, dedicated routines, etc. I did well last time in my last attempt, but there is still much room for more rigor, more intensity, and more consistency. The way I symbolized my notes, for instance, was often inconsistent from notebook to notebook. And I often refused to nap when tired, which deprived me of opportunities to test my neurological hypothesis that sleeping after achieving mental exhaustion is a good method to improve brain power. And I didn't really do my math exercises everyday as I resolved to, did I?
My aim is to achieve a documented system, one I can refer to on my computer or on paper so that I can maintain consistency in my endeavors. Certainly it will be open to editing given further insights, but not without editing the "official" documents. I doubt I would even be able to retain it in my memory if I tried, as I've never been able to retain even my vocabulary exercise without constantly looking at the instructions I wrote. All in the name of rigor and true learning.
By constructing and implementing this new system I hope to not only improve my memory, concentration, and learning, but to also fill up my consciousness so that there's no room to acknowledge the circumstance I have to deal with. Yes, evasion, in a way. It is true that evasion is generally immoral, but that only applies to epistemology and ethics in practice. What I propose is not making myself believe that the circumstance isn't there, but rather keeping it out of my mind as much as possible until I simply can do something about it. Right now little can be done but wait, so this partial-evasion could help me get on with matters. In action this means keeping myself so busy with reading, writing, studying, planning goals, cooking, working and so on so that the circumstance simply becomes invisible to my mode of living. I can't eliminate it right now, so the next best thing is to push it to the edge of my consciousness.
To tend to my concentration I'll do most of my brainstorming on paper and later present you with the results, rather than doing the brainstorming on here. After posting my draft I hope to get input, and then after that I'll start implementing it. If I am successful and do manage to minimize my awareness of my circumstance, then the psychological barriers to my self-development will be further diminished.
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