Making the Ideal Casual

In my article on David Bowie's song China Girl I noted that in the future I plan on pursuing romance goals, basically in the realm of self-improvement. While attractive, I do not consider myself as having achieved "lovability" yet. I'm a bit too introverted and don't express myself often enough in person, and even with what I do express I do not do much in the way of making myself match the vision of my ideals. I noticed, for instance, that I've often been too silent in the face of the expression of ideas I find false for fear I might offend. That's definitely no way to help advance the culture towards a better future, and it's even more so in conflict with how I want to develop myself personality-wise.

When I do begin pursuing romantic aspirations, both in developing myself and seeking the right person, I think the best place to start would be in making myself more comfortable in speaking about my ideals. You know, about Objectivism, Paleo nutrition, and all that. In my current state of being I find that my heart often beats nervously when such an opportunity arises, which influences me far too often to forgo the chance at self-improvement, development, and expression. I haven't quite formulated into words what I do view as ideal -- right now such thoughts are locked into imagery -- but I certainly know it involves being less repressed.

To achieve such a better state of personality is simple, though a bit uncomfortable: All I have to do is speak. By speaking out about how I think and feel about matters and what I value, I'll desensitize myself come practice and slowly eliminate any discomfort I feel. On the internet, for instance, I used to get very worked up and a bit panicky when confronted by ideas contrary to my own, but by continuously exposing myself to those ideas I became much more comfortable and calm in dealing with them, and today I get but merely intellectually passionate when I engage in expressing myself online. By eliminating the discomfort I would also be eliminating any psychological barriers to self-development, and will but only grow through such achievements.

One such initial practice I see as a means to this end is adopting the method of Socratic Questioning, which in this context means openly asking questions about matters, ideas, and values. That in itself is uncomfortable, but more mildly so than actually asserting oneself. It would be the equivalent of slowly inching into a cold lake, slowly accustoming oneself to the temperature before fully submerging. Such baby steps would make asserting myself easier later on and would also help me determine the nature of the people I deal with. (Some people, for example, get very hostile when asked the slightest question that strikes a nerve in their worldview, thereby exposing them not to be good people to engage in conversations about ideas. I was yelled at once for asking a person why he thought bright sunlight would fade the color of his carpet.)

It is another question, however, whether I can undertake this goal during the project or should delay it until afterwards. A concern arises as to whether this could make matters more difficult for me, so I'll think about it. For safety I am currently considering delaying it, so that I can make my project get as much attention as possible and make it operate smoothly.

I do not want to delay it for too long. Lately I've been thinking about my upcoming 22nd birthday. It is far too easy to procrastinate indefinitely and watch time blur, suddenly reaching one's forties without having achieved any ideals.