Weekly Summary # 21

Ever since I've gotten the Project completed and cleared my head I've become much more aware of which habits are annoying to maintain now that I've transitioned to a new life. The weekly summary seems to be the most annoying of these habits, so I'd like to make some changes starting with this one so that future articles will be quicker to write. For one, I'm going to start numbering these summaries instead of dating them because dating them involves several wasteful minutes of trying to make sure I'm writing the correct range. Secondly, and most importantly, I'm going to start writing out my goals in a list format so that they'll be quicker to write when I set them and quicker to comment on come week's end, particularly since I'll be able to just copy and paste to reference them from there. All this combined should lead to much more efficiency, and in any effort to save time even minutes count.

Anyhow, to comment on this week, it's been rather slothful, but things seem to be picking up. A combination of being in celebration mode, being ill, and just plain lazy has led to me doing a lot of sightseeing, driving (to learn the roads), and contemplation. There's been especially lots of that last item, as I've been thoroughly enjoying having a cleared mind and being able to think without any touch of disturbance. I've been desiring this mental clarity for way too long now.

My goals have been largely neglected this week. I've been holding off on meditation because of my coughing, and so only started it a few days ago. I also couldn't work towards getting myself more settled in because I'm waiting for a certified copy of my birth certificate to ship, so until I get that there's a bunch of stuff I can't do. I can't get a new license or library card until I use my certificate to get a new registration, and I can't change my address with the proper places until I officially become a resident in this state. So outside of my power, I can't do anything, though hope I can next week.

The most important thing that has happened is that I'm coming to face with the root of several aspects of my character. This is great since now I can conclusively know that these difficulties are internal and under my power, rather than external and uncontrollable. Having the Circumstance out of my life has eliminated all external problems, which means I can think without fear of my situation distorting matters. And in my thinking I've realized that some major changes are yet needing to be made to myself.

To put it simply: I'm unhappy. It may surprise many of you to hear that considering I just got my Project finished, but I never said that it alone would be sufficient to secure contentment. In fact, I explicitly recognized that it wouldn't be the end of the battle, that I would have to deal with the aftereffects once finished. After all, the problem I'm just coming out of was one that existed for the entirety of my life, so obviously it will have a lasting impact. This time, however, I have absolutely no obstacles or excuses for curing these maladies in the absolute quickest fashion possible.

My difficulties are three-fold. For one, I've been painfully missing my work. Restaurant work is not a career I'm taking lightly; I value it very powerfully. Going to work was one of the great pleasures of my life, so now being out of it, for however short amount of time, makes me feel like an essential value is amiss. My routine mealtime has been a small comfort to pacify me. Secondly, I've started experiencing a very intense loneliness. The loneliness was always there, but I never felt it as strongly as this before. I think my subconscious recognizes that it's time for me to move in my concerns, so this intensity of desire is a logical part of this transition. I long to be with people who share my values, especially now since I've lost in-person contact with my previous friends at my last restaurant. Finally, I've recognized that I still hold some anger from my unjust treatment by people while I was growing up, and it disturbs me to find that I still hold such an irrational conclusion about people as this.

However uncomfortable these desires and premises may be, I believe they could be solved easily within the next few weeks or less. My career and companionship malady could both be solved through upping my efforts on seeking employment. Doing so would get me back in the kitchen as soon as possible, and bundled with that atmosphere would come people who share my values in this realm. Additionally, having secured employment means I could advance forward even more in my goals, and start doing things such as attending special events and clubs (particularly an Objectivist club). As for my irrational premise regarding people, that can be treated immediately with meditation and rational thinking. On the latter method, ideas are what drives emotions, so in order to change my emotions I need to consciously keep in mind which ideas I accept as true, and I need to keep reciting them so as to uproot the premise that's driving my leftover anger. Altogether, I'm optimistic things could change for the better fairly quickly, especially since this state has a better economy than Michigan and become I know I can control my character.

For this week, things will center more around self-improvement and job hunting rather than studying since I'm still not eligible for a library card. This week I resolve to:

1.) Apply to at least three places per day starting Monday: The reason why I want to start this on Monday is because the nature of the restaurants I'm trying to get into tend to be busy all day on weekends, so I'll spend this weekend researching prospects and gathering my materials.

2.) Meditate a half hour each day: This will be separate from time of day now, so I'm not just limiting myself to just before bedtime.

3.) Finish the rest of the Amano articles I assigned to myself.

4.) Consider moving my money to this state; research alternatives.

5.) Finish settling in (new license, library card, etc.) if I receive my birth certificate.

All in all, I continue to be satisfied with the decision I made in moving. Whatever it's challenges, it's still proving to be the best choice I have ever made in my life as of yet.