Monday, May 30, 2011

Semi-Intimate Conversations

Stupid me! I didn't realize up until now that there was a conversational habit that could have significantly helped my lovability goals and contributed to my relationships. As noted, up to this point I've been immensely craving companionship on a very deep level and hoping to find friends to bond with at a spiritual depth and have open, comfortable ideological talks with. This applies to both a romantic partner and general friends. What I didn't see is that I could still fulfill my needs to a partial degree by engaging in what I call semi-intimate conversations.

As per my nature I strongly dislike shooting the breeze or engaging in any short bit of chatter, such as quick short sentence exchanges that only last a few seconds or quick how-are-yous, as I prefer to entertain myself with deeper thought processes that these kind of exchanges distract me from. However, why didn't I think to make these exchanges deeper than they otherwise ordinarily would be? In other words, I could be digging a deeper depth into these conversations that would allow me to be more enjoyably engaged and bond with a person.

For instance, if I asked a person whether they had a nice day and they said they enjoyed their fishing outing, ordinarily I would leave the exchange at that and move on, but instead I could deepen it a little by asking leading questions such as why they chose to go fishing, why they like it, how they got into it, and so on, that would turn a few second interruption to my train of thought to a thought process itself. It might not be philosophically deep, but perhaps it could lead there, and the depth would be of interest to both of us participants, though I need to be careful against becoming a rubberduck.

Even as I'm gradually getting surrounded by more people I have been missing out severely by not using this technique, and becoming a more undesirably quiet individual, especially at work. Just practicing this in even a small degree has done well to satisfy any severe craving for companionship, and more fruit is to be harvested through its continued practice.

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